Is it wrong or immature to argue with one's parents? Especially as an adult child?

Conflict is an inevitable part of every relationship; conflict resolution is a part of every healthy relationship. Just because she’s your mother doesn’t make her right nor does it mean you shouldn’t call her on her crap or try to work through issues. However, that doesn’t mean she’ll listen. By trying to work through issues instead of simply bottling it up, you are acting mature and responsible instead of silly and immature.

There’s nothing wrong with arguing, but an adult does not lose his/her temper when doing so. Calmly and quietly making a reasonable response to anyone with whom you are arguing is always stronger. I think you’re disappointed with your mom’s response because she really was wrong and didn’t recognize it and admit it. You are old enough to recognize she isn’t perfect and that’s sometimes hard to accept. The next step is to appreciate your own adult status and to forgive her. You may find other imperfections in her, but she’s just human, like you.

This is how I see it. There is nothing inherently wrong with an adult child arguing with his or her parents but, as with anyone, and even more so with one’s parents, there is a great deal of wisdom in knowing when to argue with some people and when to just plain leave it alone. In this case it was probably the latter, to have chosen to just plain leave it alone; that might have been the more prudent thing to do. You are the only one who can ultimately decide, knowing yourself and knowing your parents when one or the other choice, arguing or leaving it alone, is the better choice.

Not sure how to answer the argument question, but if she is still sick what is she doing at your house visiting? Unless she lives with you? Even if she was healthy why is she double dipping? Gross.

I still argue with my father, I am 42, but he is argumentative. My mom not so much.

What would be the point? You aren’t going to change their view, they aren’t going to accept your views, so why even bother?

@YARNLADY I agree with your point. I think a lot of people argue for interaction.

Invite me over. I’ll argue with both of you.

Besides, I’m getting tired of my own cooking. I can clear the dishes, and you’ll hardly have to worry about leftovers.

@CyanoticWasp Who are you referring to because I will gladly invite you over, cook dinner and lay out any number of arguments, debates and discussions, if you will only clear the dishes and wash and dry… well, you really just have to put everything in the dishwasher, but my friends and I will buy and cook and will keep you, your wife, your children and your dog up all night with arguments and debates and discussions if you will only agree clear the table, do the dishes and maybe bring over some, or a lot of, wine. You don’t have to drink it but you are certainly welcome to, you just have to bring it and not particularly mind us drinking it. And do the dishes. Did I mention that? Doing the dishes? Yes, I think I did, as a matter of fact. :-)

What you have to ask yourself is the same question married couples should ask themselves repeatedly: which is more important, your relationship with your mother, or being right?

I would recommend using some “self-help” books. It would help you if you get the ones that would help you understand the dynamics of your relationship with your Mom, and what needs to be done. Healthy boundaries are a plus, unfortunately she is your Mom… forever. You can change how you respond instead of worrying about trying to control her. Doing the right thing for yourself is important.

Arguments are healthy to a point especially with someone like your mom. She had no right double dipping, but in the argument you should not have yelled at her. I would give that judgement because I come from a home that forbids strongly against yelling at your parents no matter how upset you are. Remember, she is still your mother and respect is due. On the other hand, like I said earlier, she had no right to be double dipping and the fact that you made that out to her is correct on top of that she should know better. Its not that you said it….but its HOW you say it that matters.

If when you argue with her, you are coming from a place of being “her little child” (albeit grown up) then yes, it is going to come across as immature and you are going to struggle to make your points calmly and with any effect. When you act like her little child, she will respond like your mother – always right.

If you are able to make your argument from the position of being an adult talking to another adult, it may well work better. (That doesn’t detract from the great deal of respect you would have for your mother.) When you act like an adult (and I guess in this instance, I mean, when you talk to her like she is an adult rather than a parent) she is much more likely to respond with similar.

So, I imagine in this particular situation, it would mean not responding with your initial emotional based response, but with taking a few seconds to formulate a calmer, more reason-only based argument.

I just got in trouble for telling my Mom her neighbor did not freeze her gutters, and she should take into consideration that it was 7 degrees 2 days ago.
Try that battle…..:):)
and the beat goes on.