How do you motivate yourself for self-care when you don't feel like it?

Therapy, if you don’t want practical tips. Probably CBT, so you can teach yourself how to do the healthy stuff more.

I think the reason most people don’t go to sleep is that they are lonely or live alone. I think we tend to care for ourselves because others care about us, not because we care about ourselves. Really, a cooperative animal is meaningless without having a place to fit in. When it’s late at night and you’re all alone, why bother? Just hang out online, or read a book or watch tv or masturbate to keep your mind from being aware of your true situation.

But you don’t want any practical answers, so I won’t give you anything that might actually work.

Sorry, didn’t mean to imply that I don’t want any practical ideas. It’s just that what I’m really curious about is the mindset of people who take good care of themselves – and why. @wundayatta That’s what you were getting at – thank you.

I do live with housemates, but late at night when they’re asleep – you’re right, it seems to not matter sometimes. I forget that i matter.

Then the best way to deal with this is to have a significant other who wants you in bed beside them so you can do fun stuff or just because.

Good call. Breakup last weekend – recovering.

I take care of myself because it is one of the few things I can control. I’ve given up worrying about politics, religion, war, hunger, etc. I do what I can to keep myself sane and healthy, because I have to live with myself day in and day out. (Not that I don’t care about people going hungry… I’m just saying. There is only so much I can do about that.) I’ve recently starting cooking a lot. I love the adventure of mixing ingredients and coming up with new recipes. I’m a scientist, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I don’t know how to motivate you to take care of yourself. But I know that when I do, I feel a little better about the world, because my little world is a little better.

Well, feeling like that after a breakup is totally understandable.

I’m generally kind of de-motivated about taking care of myself, so I understand what you mean about needing to be in “the mindset.” I work all the time and spend a lot of time taking care of other people (like my granny, who needs help with a few things) so by the time I get to myself, it just feels like one more thing I need to do.

It helps to get as much as you can during those few times when you are motivated, and simplify your daily tasks as much as possible. If you’re sitting there (posting on fluther) and suddenly feel like you could go to the gym right now, just drop everything and do it. It also helps to keep the computer/ tv in a separate room from the bedroom, so that the bedroom is as restful as possible.

Make things easy on yourself by having lots of healthy stuff around that’s easy to make and eat. I don’t really cook, but I make lots and lots of salads. A head of Romaine lettuce is around two dollars. My favorite things to add are goat cheese, pecans, craisins, and balsamic vinagrette, or avocados, bean sprouts, and Annie’s green goddess dressing. I also eat lots of vegetable soup or hummus with carrots and celery- not quite a meal, but really healthy for you.

So I guess if you could boil down my “mindset,” it would be to make things as easy on yourself as possible. Then you will get a lot more done than you would have thought.

I wouldn’t beat myself up about it, if this comes from a break-up. You feel bad enough as it is. And this is probably a normal part of recovering from a break up. Let yourself lie in bed eating bon bons (or whatever your weapon of choice is) for a while. When you start to feel like you can be yourself again, these self-destructive urges will begin to dissipate.

I am a believer in feeling the feelings. Sometimes we use food and company to avoid the feelings, but sometimes they help us feel what we feel. You can make yourself crazy by trying to be your own drill sergeant. Forcing yourself to bear up and stiff upper lip and when the going gets tough the tough get going, can be more destructive than wallowing for a while.

I know people despise wallowers, but I think a good wallow can be very helpful. You’ll know when to stop. But you can let it go. It’s been what? Two weeks did you say? Come on, man. Give yourself a break. You can’t expect an instant recovery.

Take two aspirin and see me in the morning.

I’ve found I tend to be more motivated if I think of how “the right thing” (whatever it is), will affect me over time. I try to group the habit together instead of just this instance right in front of me.

So it’s not “Do I want get up and cook?” it’s “How will my life look if I start/continue eating well” vs “How will my life look if I decide this bag of potato chips is all I need”... (nothing against potato chips of course)

It makes it seem like part of a larger plan and at least for me that makes all the difference in getting moving. Whether it’s cooking, exercise, getting work done, or taking care of things around the house.

I’m sorry to hear about the breakup and hope you’re doing well.

Thanks for your concern – I’m doing fine, all things considered. I’m feeling pretty much like myself; otherwise I would have mentioned the breakup in my description. This habit of not taking good care of myself has been here for awhile. Maybe it’s just more accentuated now that it’s back to just me.

I’m really appreciating your ideas, your perspectives, and your compassion. Keep ‘em coming!

Small changes are easier to manage than large ones, like giving up soft drinks in favor of tea or water, eating breakfast at home instead of out or not at all, taking the stairs in the parking garage at work instead of the elevator. Sometimes it takes self-talk to cultivate a new habit, like “I can choose to have a coke or water, and I know I will feel better if I choose water.”

Sometimes I get it into my head that what’s good for me is a punishment, and that’s a problem.

I’m just like you, @Trustinglife. I don’t eat well sometimes not at all, don’t get enough sleep sometimes not at all, and just let everything go, in general. What helps me is a combination of things. Opening the shades during the day or turning every light on can motivate me during the day time. Keeping good and easy food in the house, as @Haleth describes, is a huge help. I’m never going to cook much, but I feel much better if I’m snacking on pears and bananas than potato chips, or eating a salad instead of a frozen pizza. I’ve really gotten away from this lately… thanks for the reminder! My husband can motivate me to do the things I need to take care of around the house, just by getting up and starting to do some things himself. We kind of feed off each other, you know? Maybe a friend could be your motivator. Sleep? Well… that one eludes me. I’ve just come to accept my weirdness in that area.

Ok 1st things 1st…your well on your way already! You did say in your question that “I’m sad about that and ready for something else” or did I read wrong. Ok so my life has been really crappy since 08 but I’m starting to figure things out. And if I can you can too. So backtrack, in 08 my husband got diagnosed with a non contagious deadly infection. He was in hospital for 8 weeks. In that time my father got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. They both passed away in 09 my father in Jan my husband in Nov. In that time I thought it was much easier for me to talk myself out of things than into them. But my mind body and soul paid for it as well as my interpersonal friendships so I started looking at the giving up and began rerouting my life to have accomplishments instead. I guess I’m saying be more + than -. I have accomplished quitting smoking cold turkey in the most stressful part of my life before my father passed because he wanted it for me and I wanted to give him that gift…he was proud of me! When my husband passed I had to sell our car, home and most of our stuff. I have lost a lot but I am a survivor. I just recently got the car I have always wanted it’s a manual that is my next accomplishment, so far so good!! Even in the worse storm since the 70’s for our town. So just talk yourself into it, get motivated and you already know you don’t want to live like that so that’s the first step. It does take time and there will be bumps along the way but start one day at a time. If there is anything I’ve learned in life it would be that if you really want it it IS reachable.

Think about helping other people rather than focusing on yourself, and self care will follow naturally.