What is the smartest way to fake a sickness?

Anything that makes you unable to leave the bathroom. Its easy to fake, just never leave.

Unfortunately, anything that’s going to keep you home for a full week is going to be something on the serious end of things. The flu would do it and a migraine would do it, but since you don’t want it to be anything to serious, it’s going to be harder to pull off.

You could just pretend to have a really bad cold. Just have it start at the beginning of the week and progress toward the middle and end of the week.

I would just say “I’m not feeling well, I think I’ll stay home” or “I’m not really feeling up to going out right now” and leave it at that. If they press further and ask what’s wrong, you can say it’s your head, stomach, throat, whatever.

I’m guessing you want to be able to enjoy your time in the house while they are there, so if you say anything too serious, you will end up confining yourself to your room or the bathroom for the whole week, which wouldn’t be any fun in my opinion.

I know you don’t want to hear, just be honest, but that’s really the best bet. You don’t have to say why you don’t want to go, just say that you don’t feel up to it.

just go to the emergency ward and faint… while screaming “the demons are after me”... you will get the whole month off… or you could just eat some expired pizza… temporary depression works too…just sleep the whole day…. or get a doctors note to avoid stress.

“Because i want to pretend I’m sick enough to be able to not have to go anywhere with my family when they go out and about but at the same time I don’t want them feeling sorry for me or worrying about me”

These don’t mesh. You need to choose. And food poising always work.

Hot Pad (fake fever) spray bottle with warm water (sweating) wear sick clothes like pj’s, talk in a raspy voice, bring your ipod in your pocket and go to the bathroom for at least 20 mins but just listen to music so your not bored. ask for a bucket at time since you feeel like you wanna “puke”

What @world_hello said. Anything that’s going to stop you from going out for a week, especially during the holidays, and especially during a family visit, is going to make them worry. Either you go out with them a couple of the days…or you make them worry.

If you don’t mind I would love to know why you don’t want to spend time with your family.
The best sickness to fake is that your constantly on the toilet. This will work for only 4 or 5 days though and then they will start to worry.

I usually go with a migraine or a cold. Sure, they’ll worry, but it’s not like they think I’m really ill. Food poisoning also works well for a 24-hour period. If you were a girl, you could also go with cramping.

Faking a breakup or some emotional pain is a good deal easier. You can be as active as you want, and you aren’t forced to spend 100% of the time away from everyone else. If you suddenly feel like going out, they’ll say “good for you!” but if they probably won’t push you into anything you don’t want to do.

@Smashley Not in my family. They want me to talk about it.

If the flu is too serious, then there probably isn’t much you can fake. A cold, maybe, but a cold doesn’t have you in bed for a whole week. Neither does a migraine. Maybe a stomach flu, complete with vomiting or diarrhea, but they’ll feel bad for you if that’s the case.

Maybe you should just suck it up and go. You never know how many Christmases you’re going to get with your family.

@lbwhite89 Some migraines go for days, especially if left untreated.

A sore back is a good one as the pain can come and go and can be quite incapacitating. It requires some acting ability however and you might want to invent a cause like lifting something heavy or shovelling snow.

Seriously, you’re 19, if you don’t want to spend every minute of the holidays with your family just tell them.

Diarrhea always works. Also if you want, you can pretend to be vomiting also. Get some food and chew it until it’s just a little chunky and get some water in your mouth then pretend to throw it up in front of someone. That’s what I used to do as a kid all the time to get sent home or to not go to school—always worked for me.

Broken ribs are good. There’s nothing medicine can do for standard broken ribs except tell you to go home and rest, no bandages etc., but you would have to fake some pain occasionally, not too much, it’s not that painful, and ostentatiously take some strongish painkillers.

Bornholm’s disease is a good one as well – fever followed by severe pain in the ribs. You can pretend you’re over the worst of the fever but the pain lingers for up to six days.

Good luck, and come back and let us know how you get on

I don’t think this can be done without their worrying about you, unless they never worry about you at all, in which case there’s no need. If they figure out you’re faking, that’s a worry in itself, and probably a much worse one than thinking you have the flu. They’re going to worry about whatever is behind this. As a parent I can tell you how painful worry and fear about your child are. So if what you want to do is escape while sparing them distress, this might not be the best way. Candor might be kinder.

Id fake” lady problems” nobody wants to discuss the lady problems, cramps nausea headache that last about 5–7 days…voila

I agree with, @flutherother said, a pulled muscle will make people sympathize and yet not worry. Or you can say you have horrible foot pain. Yes you will have to walk with a limp. Even if you forget to limp you can say that the pain is tolerable for short spurts and you don’t wish to aggrevate it more. Go out with them one day and then pretend your re-injured yourself. They will feel guilty and leave you alone the rest of the time. Of course no matter what you do, they may decide not to go anywhere and baby you the whole week.
If you are a girl that what @deliasdancemom said will work as well.

Anything serious enough to stay home will probably be serious enough to go to a doctor. You can’t fool doctors easily at all.

Ohh, wow, well, I’m 18, and I love spending time with my family, and I love going on family outings. Especially with extended family :P

Anyways, hmmm, the common cold? headache, cough, sore throat… then you can just say that you want to sleep.

Believe you are ill so hard that you actually turn ill. It can be done after some practice…coughs That way you don’t have to fake. Or just do what I do, work as a teacher among 500 sneezing kids five days a week.

syrup of ipecac. It causes you to vomit. Look it up online, and how to take it safely. Then just puke a couple times in front of a few witnesses and they’ll believe you. Say you ate something bad and have to stay in bed for a few days.

Please DO NOT take it though, without doing so safely.

Bathroom issues seems to be the way to go. Just tell them your constantly shittin your brains out and stash your laptop or a book in the bathroom. Then hide away :P

@mrrich724: That’s unsafe and irresponsible to suggest. Even with your warnings, someone who is unfamiliar with ipecac could hurt themselves. Not to mention if they’re in the US you can’t even buy it in most stores, and I think you need a prescription for any amount worth a damn.

Just stick your finger down your throat if you need to puke. Cough some, gag a bit, flush at the end.

But I still agree with everyone who said you can’t have it both ways, man up, grow a pair and just tell your damn family you don’t feel like hanging out with them.

And even if you didn’t ask for the opinion – I still think it’s a dick move on your part. Everyone suffers through family time at some point, and whatever your reason is it probably isn’t worth giving up quality time with loved or not so loved ones you may never have again so you can run off and do your own damn thing for a week – whatever it is.

A sprained ankle will just about cover what you need. Rest, ice, elevation, and an ace bandage and you are good to go.

Far better than faking sick, sign up to do volunteer work somewhere for the week, and go do it. You will have a schedule to keep, family will think you’re great, and if you come home “too tired” they will leave you alone. The caveat is that you really have to do the volunteer work. It would be really scum bucket thing to lie about something like that, especially at Christmas.

You’ve got some great advice and ideas above. I’m sorry you have the need to fake this, but I don’t think it’s sick or wrong. We don’t know your situation. I know plenty of times where my family has been way too much to handle.

Whatever you do, I’d suggest having it “happen” a short time after they arrive. Seem like you’re trying really hard to keep up but just can’t; that you’re trying really hard to hide it. Careful not to over-act. Gain their silent sympathy. Then, when appropriate, apologize, say you just don’t feel enough, for whatever reason it is. You’ll have to spend a little time with them, but if you can pull it off that’ll build credibility, and maybe even have them starting to lean toward you not participating, or even suggesting it, before you admit your “defeat” to your sickness.

If you have ever had migraines, they can be recurring, and be so severe as to cause vomiting occasionally [can you make yourself vomit?]. The best cure for spell of migraines of varying severity is stillness, silence, and darkness, like a lot of sleep or very peaceful resting. Perhaps also needing bland foods and not holiday festive foods might be a factor.

I’ve always found nausea easy to fake as well as a headache from which noise/light/food/etc irritates me like no other. Then I proceed to sleep the whole day away.

Somebody needs to watch Ferris Bueller’s day off.

I would go with the sprained ankle. Wrap it up in an ace bandage. Borrow some crutches if possible. Every time you sit down, put it up on a pillow and once in a while put an ice pack on it.

Or just go catch the flu from somebody. No faking required.