Whats it mean when you're still not over your ex a year later?

4 months? I know you can do a lot with a person on 4 months, but its not too long compared to a three year relationship. Have fun, to out with friends, don’t stay at home locked up in your room. Get your mind off her by getting into a hobby. When you truely find happiness within yourself you will move on and find so
Someone else faster than you think. Good luck.

sorry for errors, on my phone with no reception

open yourself up to getting out and enjoying life again. I will always have a special place in my heart for my exes. I was with them because I loved them.

You will find someone new if you allow yourself to move forward instead of thinking about the past .

Good luck to you. I hope you find someone new.

i don’t know what to tell you.
i am in the same boat.

maybe your still in love with him
Or that you have really strong feelings for him still.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Also I recommended this on another discussion some time ago, but an interesting read: see wiki under Limerence

I think that after you break up with someone, for whatever reason, you can start to think about the great times you had and the great person they were and maybe lose sight of why you aren’t together any more.

I agree that getting out and about and trying to not think about things (as hard as that may be) is a good way to get over her (and stop reading those e-mails).

And if that isn’t working for you, then maybe you should casually contact her. But you can’t go into that expecting that she’s going to have the same feelings for you. You would have to be prepared that she might not even want to talk to you. And if that’s the case then you can’t get stuck on her any longer. Sure you’ll think of her from time to time, but you can’t obsess about what won’t be.

that’s the thing though, I HAVE been out and about. I have been hooking up with girls, just haven’t found anyone worth dating, or I’ve been rejected or ignored, so I suppose my self esteem is in the dumps. It sure doesnt help that this is such a small ass town..

Basically it means that you had some serious feelings in that relationship. I know how it feels because I’m slowly getting over the same thing. It’s just gonna take some time. It’s different for everyone so I can’t tell you how long. Hopefully things will get better. I wish you the best.

I am not saying this to be a wise ass, but you mentioned having OCD. You may want to talk to a counselor about your feelings. Perhaps you are obsessed with her, and need a little professional help to move on. Talking with a therapist may help you sort out your feelings. Sometimes if you know why you feel a certain way it can help you deal with it.

That said, our first love is usually the hardest to get over. Try not to read all the old e-mails so often. It will only serve to hurt you more. Keep trying to find that someone who is just waiting around the corner for you. if you are obsessing on the old love, you may be blocking a new one from forming. I wish you all the best.

Have you watched the movie Swingers?Just reminded me of your situation.

hahaha, there’s the rub. Yup, totally didn’t think about that. Also, I do have OCD, I’ve been seeing a therapist for about 8 months now.

its means your dwelling in the past instead of thinking of your present and future. The cold hard truth is you had an experience with someone, it was great but you learned and had to deal with something in your own life, your getting past it. It is time to move on and check out the rest of the fish in the sea.

Can’t help much I still think about my boyfriend sorry ex from time to time.

@luminous00 Then ask your therapist if he/she thinks you could be obsessing over this past love. They can give you the tools you need to get over her a little easier. Not that I don’t want to help, but I think they could help you a little better since they know your situation. I wish you all the best.

Turn your attention away from yourself and towards something where you can be of service to someone else. It works like magic.

My girlfriend says that you can’t mourn a person for longer than the actual relationship lasted. I don’t know about that. I’m more from the “It takes as long as it takes” school and you will move on when you’re ready. Having said that, make sure you’re not wallowing in old feelings – try to understand what happened, learn from it and move on with that knowledge. Good luck

if I were you I would hook up with lovelyy…if not I suggest getting out of the US for a while.
S America, Asia, Europe—you may find a woman that can suck a golf ball through garden hose, not to mention cook a great meal and one that knows how to treat a man…...
I find American Women, masculine and Alpha and way to large——book yourself a flight and you will come back a new man.
Problem stateside is that 1/2 of the single women are obese—so the girl that would not get a second look looks great next to the whale, so the 5 gets a big head, thinking she deserves an 8. So you aught to get a thing for obese chicks or travel some.

W-o-w allengreen, are you a travel agent for one of those “mail order wives” clubs?!? While you’re entitled to your opinion, it sounds like a pretty antiquated one (like from the Vietnam war era). Whatever floats your boat I guess (also your point too I suppose).

I’m not a travel agent and not promoting any such service. If you have traveled, it is clear that American women are somewhat “subprime” if you will, in terms of desirability. Unless you like, loud, masculine, and large women. I know that most men are afraid to express their own views because gangs of fat chick will descend and gnaw your ‘nads off, so most men take the Beta role assigned to them.
Does “antiquated” refer to your own views?

No-perhaps a poor choice of words as I was throwing up in my mouth at the time…how about myopic? Just seems to be a generalizing comment, but perhaps you are more worldly than I (I don’t getbout much and have been “domesticated” for a long time!). Perhaps my goggles have a thick layer of dust from years of non-use…to each his own! (btw I hear some radio personalities like Tom Leykis make similar observations about American women, so I think you and he may have a bit more experience than I in such things). Nevertheless, no disrespect intended…

OK, I’ll accept the myopic title, and of course I am generalizing….there are several books on the topic Saving the Males, and Absence of Male…...I got interested in how gender roles impact culture at large as I watched boys in my daughter’s school treated as “bad” for being boys, given pharmaceuticals, and hollowed out by hen-pecking teachers. Notice entertainment, and advertising—men are always portrayed as idiots. In college, enrollment of men is dropping in huge ways. Men’s wages are dropping in favor of women’s’.
You or I would not notice such things in absence of a trip around the world—prepare to come home and be shocked that men are increasingly infantalized, and women are surely becoming masculine and Alpha in sports, academics, and business. To each his own, I’m not making judgments, just observations—and if my observations piss off someone, maybe it is because the truth hurts. Second thought, maybe myopic is better directed toward those who deny this cultural phonemena.
A trip to Brazil, and I rest my cases.

No, I’m not pissed, so much as befuddled…I think as a country we have a long way to go to figuring out true equality without emasculating men or for blaming them for iniquities which are deeply embroiled in tradition, and are more complex than a simple gender-equity issues. Thanks for the clarification though-definitely food for thought.

BTW, what do you mean by the ref. to Brazil? What’s so different over there (besides a sea of beautiful people?) My impression was that women are really treated like second-class citizens there, and that that country is replete with prostitution, organized crime and a real problem with urban gangs etc. Care to elaborate?

As a single man I spent some time in Brazil, and I found many friendships with women that were warm, femine, adventurous, and just plane hot. Folks seemed close to family as the center of their lives, and folks seemed satified, even those folks that did not have many material riches. I really did not get the whole second class citizenship for women thing, but I was only there for a couple months.

I think that my country (the USA) “is replete with prostitution, organized crime and a real problem with urban gangs etc”. And pharmacuticals I may add.

Everyone has there own ways of getting over a relatonship. It is most common to find a reason to get that person out of your mind by simply just going back into the world to enjoy living life. I can honestly admit it took me a while to get over an ex after a few years of a serious relationship. I did not want to go out to parties, clubs, not even bars. Instead I brought my liquor home and every weekend just drink myself to sleep. It took a group of friends to drag me out to enjoy life again, stop me from ending up with a serious drinking problem and just have fun doing things I normally did not do with her. In other words sometimes you must replace the hard memories with new ones that bring joy to your life again.
(long story short I am happier now than I ever been in my life – successful and I have a more positive look at life in general.)