Do you feel like you have to watch your SO to make sure they aren't cheating?
I just asked a question about why a woman wouldn’t want to be involved with a bisexual man. A number of people mentioned that they’d have to not only watch out for other women, but they’d have to watch out for other men, as well.
One commenter wrote, I do think I wouldn’t be able to marry a man that’s bisexual, though. I’d have a difficult time being able to tell if he’s just hanging out with his buddies or if he misses being with a man that he’s “hanging out with his buddies.”
There were others who said things along similar lines—that they’d have twice the work trying to make sure they remained faithful. This struck me as odd. Since when is it your job to keep your SO faithful? Isn’t it their job to do that? Well, obviously, some people think they have to keep a sharp eye on their SO, or he or she will do something that sets them on the road to cheating. It’s as if the SO is property, and they have to make sure the property isn’t stolen.
So I ask you—do you feel this way? Do you know anyone who feels this way? If you feel that way, why is it your job to keep an eye on your partner? What do you think about trust? Why can’t you trust your partner to stay faithful?
I guess this goes along with the idea that your partner shouldn’t have a friend of the opposite sex. That’s asking for trouble. Don’t trust it. Now there’s no one he or she couldn’t have a relationship with. So don’t let him or her have any friends at all?
Where does this kind of thinking come from? Can someone explain it to me, please?
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I can’t have anybody with me who isn’t with me.
Are ya with me?
If I felt like I had to watch my SO to make sure they weren’t cheating, I wouldn’t be with them.
Especially at Monopoly, why she’s a low down dirty cheating lying stealing banker ;¬}
I do not… I am 100% trusting my wife to be faithful.
Why? Because…
if she is… then that that is the right attitude anyway and it makes me happy.
if she isn’t… welll… then… I don’t know about it and trusting her would still be the best attitude, since it makes me happy.
No, I don’t have to because we communicate openly about other partners and interests.
Nothing but lack of trust, and that’s no basis for a long term relationship. My SO has friends of both sexes and not once have I ever had cause to worry that he was romantically interested in any of them. I don’t see that a bisexual person is any more likely to cheat than a heterosexual person: a cheater is a cheater regardless of their sexuality.
If I felt that I didn’t trust my partner to such an extent that I was having to “watch” him like that, well I think that would be a fair sign that the relationship was dead or dying anyway. I would rather be single than be in a relationship without trust.
I never said you have to watch your significant other, my comment was based on bisexual partners only. lol.
People fight in relationships, they have problems. Relationships are shades of gray not black and white. I account for all possibilities, but out of respect for your partner, if you have opposite sex friendships, you shouldn’t be hanging out with them alone; it looks bad. This is how tabloids make so much money; they take a snap shot of someone hanging out with another person of the opposite sex that isn’t their partner and boom! It’s all over the place that they’re cheating, even if they’re not and genuinely hanging out. Friends do this all the time, “I saw John hanging out with Jane the other day—alone! Did you and John break up?”
I didn’t keep tabs on my previous boyfriends even though I had a few that kept them on me. I’m not doing anything wrong and my conscious is clear so it didn’t bother me. Eventually that was one of the main reasons the relationships ended—no trust. If there’s no trust, there’s no future, so why even bother? Would I date someone that I felt wouldn’t be monogamous, sure! Why not? I’m young and not looking to get married, but I wouldn’t let myself get too emotionally involved with the guy because I know we’re not being monogamous. With someone that is bisexual I’d have more of a hard time knowing if he’s serious or not since I can’t provide the dual sexual pleasure that he enjoys. Sex is important in a relationship and if one partner isn’t completely satisfied, they’ll find other means to satisfy them. This is why I personally would rather be in an open relationship with a bisexual man, rather than a monogamous one. That way he can get the sexual gratification that I can’t provide and we’re both still happy. I’m all for open relationships when both partners know they’re in an open relationship.
No, I don’t feel like I have to watch my spouse (SO). If I ever did, that would indicate a serious erosion of trust in the relationship and it would be coming to an end at that point probably.
I don’t feel like I have to watch my husband. If I did, I would be very concerned. If someone wants to cheat, they will, it doesn’t matter if they are straight or bisexual. Seriously, if they are going as far as cheating, how likely is it that they aren’t going to lie about what they are doing while they are out cheating (such as saying they are going to work late, go to the gym, whatever). How many cheaters say to their SO, “I’m going to go meet ___ (the person’s name) at the hotel”? I’d bet it’s very few, instead they make up some other things they will be doing. Being straight and saying you are hanging out with your friends that are the same sex as you doesn’t mean you aren’t cheating (if you are in fact cheating).
Nope. Anyone who feels the need to “watch” their SO has trust issues, whether they’re unfounded or not.
Wow…I missed your other post, and if those were the type of responses posted, I won’t go looking for it. It doesn’t matter what gender of sex my fiance has been with in the past. I trust him implicitly to be faithful. Disclaimer: Natalie Portman would have to be the exception, and if the opportunity arose, I can’t say that I’d blame him.
No, I have 100% trust in him.
No. I kept finding out without watching. I’ve since changed my criteria and standards.
No. I know my girl better than anyone, and she is a person of integrity with similar moral standards to myself. I don’t need to watch her, because I know she has neither the opportunity or the inclination to cheat.
If I ever felt like this, there would be much bigger issues with the relationship than them cheating on me.
Nope. One of the things I found most attractive about his character is that he believes in fidelity, committment and love. He feels those things enrich him and has always wanted a partner who felt as strongly so we make a good match as far as that goes.
No. “Cheating” is mostly the consequence of unreasonable expectations. You cannot cheat if you have a formal, agreed upon understanding about what is and is not allowed. It makes very little sense to me that couples, particularly young couples, aren’t careful about doing this. Perhaps it works for the few people who can live up to it, but for the most part the western (Chrisitian? Amerikan?) ideal of two people in a lifelong romantic relationship is a tad on the absurd side. Most people have the hard time maintaining even romantic short-term relationships for very long.
I did once. It’s because he did cheat on me, but we stayed together (mistake!). So after that I felt the need to watch him. It faded over time, but it was always in the back of my mind. Won’t make that mistake again!
No. Who could live that way?
I think the discomfort people in the first question felt wasn’t about cheating partners at all. That’s just a way of justifying being uncomfortable with a bisexual partner.
As I’ve pointed out in other answers, a bi person isn’t “twice as likely to stray.” Only around 5–10% of people are even interested in the same sex, so being bi means that we have 5–10% more potential partners. It doesn’t make us sluttier or less faithful.
I think it’s sad that some people feel they have to keep an eye on their partner in order to keep them faithful. That kind of jealous, controlling behavior is exactly the kind of thing that makes people feel stifled and claustrophobic in a relationship and become interested in others. In a relationship where you both trust each other, none of that crap is necessary.
On a related note, when I came out to my parents in high school, they wouldn’t let me be alone with female friends in the house anymore. Because apparently, I could be having sex with any of them. Do you see how messed up and hurtful that is? Well, it’s just as bad to feel that way about your significant other.
I’m still working on finding an SO!
In the beginning of my relationship with my now-husband I used to “watch”...I’d check his cell when he wasn’t looking, snoop in his wallet and jacket pockets for… I don’t know what, phone numbers? inappropriate text messages, too many phone calls to one of his female friends… but I had been cheated on in my last two relationships so I was battle weary from the experience. It didn’t take me long, though to realize that this person I was with had character and wouldn’t do such a thing to me… once I came to that realization, I let it go. Now, I don’t even consider “watching” him or keeping an eye, or watching out for other women… I actually find it amusing and flattering in an odd way when I see other women try to flirt with him (flattering because, well, he really is that good looking and has that great of a personality and he’s the whole package… and he’s MINE!)
No. I don’t watch him like a hawk to make sure he is being faithful. I have reason to trust him and usually that’s enough. There are times when I feel insecure and scared that he is going to find someone better than me but when I feel this way I talk to him and he soon puts my mind at ease.
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