If a man breaks up with a woman and kicks her out...who should keep the engagement ring?

The man. An engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage. Once that is broken, the ring should go back to the person who bought it, most often the man.

Eh, if it was given, it should remain to the person it was given to. If I make enemies with my best friend, do I request to have returned to me all the birthday gifts and Xmas gifts I made to them? No.
I find it pretty sad that money and material possession, no matter how symbolic, gets in the way of things like love, or the shattering thereof. But I guess that’s how we know that, most of the time, marriage is about a lot more than love. Stupid money driven world.

Generally the wronged party keeps the ring. He broke up with her, so she keeps the ring. I don’t know why anyone would need papers to sell it, but he should give her the papers.

I believe the last legal case I have seen on this the favor leans to the man because it was not a gift for the sake of a gift but an engagement ring. No matter who boke it off since there is no wedding the person who purchased the ring gets to keep it.

Engagement rings are a sort of promise, not truly a gift. I’ve always understood that the ring goes back to the proposal maker if the marriage falls through. Think of it this way: What if the ring were a family heirloom, passed down in his family? Would you even think of keeping it?

He just doesnt want to make it any easier for her to sell the ring he picked out for her… im sure she will not willingly give it back to him…

If he bought it, he should get it back. No way would I allow her to sell it. He should take her to small claims court. The ring wasn’t a “gift”, it had a specific purpose which no longer is relevant so she should not keep it. I think the “proper” amount to spend on an engagement ring is as much as you can comfortably afford, so yes it has to do with income and with the overall financial situation.

How much did he spend on this ring?

The person who initiates the break-up loses the ring. In this case, he broke up with her so she gets to keep it. If she broke up with him, she should give it back.

He reached a point where he knew he couldnt be with her forever so he kicked her out and broke it off with her…

but he still bought the ring.. and if they arent getting married she should give it back right?

Yes she should give it back. Just because the relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean she gets to make a profit off of him! Seriously, if she won’t give it back then take her to court.

You think he would definitley win in court?

Regarding court, apparently it depends on where they live.

Note that this source also says “etiquette rules that an engagement ring should be returned when a wedding is called off regardless of who broke the engagement…”

I didnt see washington state on any of the lists…..

Whoever has it today.

Let’s keep it simple.

But no paperwork, no. Absolutely not.
Actually if they were never married it’s maybe HIS.

Yes. In thinking, it’s obviously HIS :)
They were never MARRIED !

If he needs to, sure, take her to court. She sounds terribly immature and selfish not to cooperate and move on

Send her to Judge Judy…

Self edited.

Self-edited.

I’ve pondered this a bit and concluded that she is not obligated to give the ring back but should not ask for the paperwork, whereas he does not have the right to ask for it back but is not obligated to provide the paperwork. (As far as a man should pay for a ring, I think he should pay what he can best afford and she should be delighted with what he buys.)

Ever since Hector was a pup, etiquette has stated that the woman keeps the ring.

Well, since he broke the “promise” I think it can go either way. I actually think she probably has the legal right to keep the ring? It is a gift, she did not break her verbal contract to marry him, which basically has been solidified by the give and acceptance of the ring, not unlike a downpayment regarding a sales contract. It would be up to her whether she is willing to return the ring I would think. If he broke up because she did something crazy and awful, maybe he can fight for it?

I don’t think she should bother fighting over the paperwork though. She can have it appraised and sell it if that is what she wants to do.

I am not a lawyer, the above is only a guess of how I perceive the law would work, and what I think makes sense.

When SHE breaks it off, its his. She broke the agreement, she should forfeit anything that’s negotiable. Anything she did not bring into the relationship or buy with her own money for her own use is negotiable.

When HE breaks it off, its hers. He broke the agreement, he should forfeit anything that’s negotiable. Anything he did not bring into the relationship or buy with his own money for his own use is negotiable.

@amberrae It was tacky and classless for him to “kick her out,” especially without warning if he did it the way you make it sound. Back in the (not too long ago) day, he could have been in legal trouble for breech of contract for breaking it off. He should suck it up and cut his losses. If anyone wants to talk about immature and her, they’re looking in the wrong place. Taking her to court over this is stupid, immature, and probably a sure way to air dirty laundry and lose.

The saying“possesion is 9/10ths of the law” isn’t actually true – but in this case, I think it will suffice. It was a gift: they are not meant to be taken back. Any gift; any time.

Totally agree with @klutzaroo. The ring goes to whoever did not break the engagement.

They both have the opportunity to show some class. If it was an heirloom or contained a stone that was one, then she return it without question – no matter who called it off.
If it was just money then, it’s just money. Offer to let her keep it. If she agrees, give it to her with a pleasant “Good riddance” – on both accounts.

I think the ring should be returned to him,but to get rid of her he could easily give her the paperwork for it and be done with it.
As for the cost of a ring?Get what you can afford.

Personally, I think it’s up to the person who was given the ring to decide. If she wants to sell it, she can – anything else about it being a promise and not a gift is kind of archaic-sounding, to me. Of course, he can be an asshole and not give her the papers which is within his rights.

I’ve always believed the engagement and/or wedding ring goes back to the person who purchased it, unless they don’t want it. This sounds like an unnecessary headache. If he didn’t get the ring back when they first broke up then he should give her the papers for it now and be done.

Why in the world would this girl WANT this ring? What GOOD is this ring going to DO her? Honestly, why do you want a gift from someone who kicked you out? Show some self respect, even if he WAS wrong. Good riddance to HIM and his ring ~ move ON

@Crossroadsgrl She doesn’t want the RING. She wants the MONEY she can get from SELLING IT. Probably to help reimburse her for some of the EXPENSES incurred from BEING KICKED OUT ON HER ASS AND HAVING TO FIND SOMEWHERE TO LIVE.

I’m not going for this. A man doesn’t just kick his fiancé out suddenly. What did SHE do ?

Not arguing you klutzy, trying to get the FULL story

She keeps the ring – unless he gives her an equivalent amount of money to cover her necessary expenses.

@Crossroadsgrl I had a serious relationship end suddenly for no discernible reason. He just decided that he didn’t want to date me any more, nothing that I did or could figure out and he childishly refused to talk to me and tell me why, and so it ended. Sometimes there isn’t more to the story. It happens and more than you think.

She was very overly jealous and constantly controlling his every move. And later he found out that she was cheating on him.

There you go.
There’s usually something.
Even if you’re not told…

Who got the ring??!

Regardless of what the law or traditional etiquette might say, my own feeling on the matter is that whoever ends the engagement forfeits the ring. The only exceptions, I’d say, are in the case of family heirlooms and when the one who breaks off the engagement does so as a result of the other person’s egregious behavior (in which case, it might be thought that the other person is really the one responsible for ending the relationship, regardless of who conducted the formalities).

I emphasize that this is a matter of feeling because I can understand why people might disagree and I doubt there’s a strictly correct answer. It’s a matter of convention at the end of the day.

Well she kept the ring… and he still has the paperwork…