My friend is alcoholic, suicidal and surrounded by what, I presume, drives his depression - what can I do?

Why is it bourgeois to care about your friends? The question over social rehabilitation over rehabilitation wherein one removes one’s self from the situation in which the addiction happens is a valid one, in my (uninformed) opinion.

I, for one, believe that the situation and your response to it signifies that you are a good person, and I salute you for it. Keep caring – that’s what friends do.

As far as intervention goes, you need to ask yourself whether a direct intervention would be preferable to other forms of support: your friend had a setback; it happens to everyone, but in your friend’s case the consequences are more serious. Do you know of a way to talk to him about it without it seeming confrontational?

If he’s this much of a danger to himself then you’re not out of boundaries as a friend to ask him to check into a rehab/detox. He may have tried to commit suicide or not, volume alcoholics often have seizures. It’s sad but true, family aren’t always the ones to be the closest, the most supportive, the most loving, etc so find other friends of his. Enough people might want to do an intervention but in the very least tell him honestly as his friend that you want to see him live and to be clean.

It seems his current environment isn’t conducive to rehabilitation. I think when a person is that deeply depressed and self-destructive, inpatient treatment is a good option. Without the outside pressures and triggers, he’ll have time and space to address the underlying problems that have lead him to where he is. Intensive therapy in that setting won’t allow him to fly under the radar – he will have to face up and take responsibility for himself and his life (No disrespect meant here)
In relation to family and close ones being supportive, everyone has a point they reach when enough is enough. Nobody wants to watch someone they love self-destruct. Where addiction is concerned, sometimes it’s the people who love the addict that end up in more pain. The addict has the escape (whether it be drugs, alcohol, etc.) that the people outside don’t have/use. It is your friends responsibility to look inwards and start living again. You can most definitely encourage and support him, but he himself has to do the work.
I would have a frank, heartfelt talk with your friend – he might respond and decide to go into rehab.
You should like a good friend – he’s a lucky guy.

You should perhaps speak with his parents about full-time rehab.

As a friend all you can do is talk to him and suggest he seek therapy. You might call him regularly to see how he is doing as it is too far to just ‘drop in.’ If you know and are friendly with any of his neighbors from the youth you shared, maybe ask someone to drop in on him just to say hello because he is depressed.

Is he working? Why hasn’t he chosen to move out? If the answer is “his parents won’t let him”, perhaps that’s where you need to start.

Your concern is legit and will be appreciated if he gets past the addiction (hopefully). The only issue I have with rehab (in-patient or not) is that he is going to go home to the things that are upsetting him eventually. I know when I’ve looked into options to get loved ones into rehab, a therapist of mine had suggested an outpatient rehab where there are nurses that come to your home and help you deal with your surroundings. Taking someone out of a situation to learn how to cope isn’t necessarily going to work when they’re suddenly thrown back into it without any help or support. Also, unfortunately, you need to prepare yourself—this may not work, especially if he doesn’t want it. And that’s not your fault. All you can do is try… but it’s not easy. Good luck to you and your friend.

@the100thmonkey – I think the bourgeois concern surrounds his thought that the friend should be in a treatment facility rather than having friends and family help him through it.

@JonnyCeltics – correct me if I’m wrong about the above. Regarding your issues…so much of addiction is about the patterns you fall into in your environment – so I think you’re spot on that he might need to get out of his current situation. Considering addicts, particularly depressed addicts, can’t often move themselves to a new place successfully, treatment sounds like a solid option. If everything around him is moving and he’s standing still…the environment can do nothing but reinforce the addictive behavior.

The only thing you can get from us, I think, is that you’re right to want to do something, and your solution does not sound outlandish. If his home support mechanism is enabling him, and this recent physical trauma doesn’t seem like a bottom, you may want to discuss an intervention option. Check out the NIDA resources, they have some general interventionist as well as general general information.

There are only some very simple things it seems you can be certain of:

(1) Something needs to be done.

(2) You are not equipped to do it.

(3) Neither is your friend.

(4) You need to start finding who is.

I wish you the best.