Books/Advice for My Parents Over 50 who lost jobs?

If your extended parental family are like many baby boomers, they do not take kindly to the idea of doing something radically different from the life they are used to. This is because their identities are all tied up with working hard and doing well, and this comes before any taking care of themselves. If they live in the suburbs in California, it is likely they are much into the car culture. They may make token efforts at recycling and call that living green. There are probably many more things that make it difficult to consider a radical change. They own houses. They have children to put through college. All this stuff costs money and getting money means having a job.

They would have to give up their attachments to all these things if they were to make a significant change. That won’t be easy for them to do. Those attachments are probably very strong since they’ve spent their lives building them. Despite the fact you might think their lives are monotonous, they might find them very comforting.

If they are to make a change, then they probably have a process of self-discovery to go through. The first thing they will need to do is discover what it is they really like and want to do. They will have to open the blinders that have kept them from seeing anything besides the little rooms they made for themselves. I’m sure there are a ton of workshops that help folks do this kind of thing. If you’re in California, you could do worse than look at the workshops at Esalen—in the Big Sur.

As they get rid of their no-no-nos they can begin to let themselves identify the things that really make them feel good. Maybe it’s artistic. Maybe they want to help others. Maybe they want to travel. Maybe they want to change careers or live in another part of the world. Maybe they want to learn new languages or do wood carving or any number of other things. Who knows? Not even they do, yet.

That’s the most important part of the process. Opening yourself up to your own self. After that, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to do it while meeting all your other priorities in life. With a little brainstorming and a little hard work, it can be done.

There are a lot of books about these things. I would recommend hopping on google and searching on various terms such as “life changing” or “new directions” or “reinventing” and reading through what you find to see if there’s something the ‘rents would like.

Of course, if it were me, you can forget about giving me a book like that. I won’t read it. But I would take a workshop. I’m just a couple years older than your parents, but I’m a right coaster so it’s a different life style right there. In any case, this is not something you can make them do. They have to choose it for themselves. You need to listen to them and to hear what they are thinking about, and, if you’re lucky, what they are dreaming about. Once you have a clue about their dreams, then you can figure out how to open a door for them. Maybe once they see the door, they’ll step through it, but there’s no guarantees.

@wundayatta While Esalon is an excellent place for life changing experiences, it is in no way available to unemployed people. It is mostly for rich people who are looking for a new, interesting way to spend their money so they can brag about their enlightenment. The seminars run anywhere from $2,000 (weekend) to $10,000 (two weeks) and up for special events.

Leo Babitua’s Zen Habits for Life is based upon his experiences with downsizing and simplifying your life. The Web site is very helpful. http://zenhabits.net/start/

Also, look at www.bemorewithless.com

Coming to terms with the fact that your life as you knew it has changed, and that you must adapt to something else, and quickly is overwhelming, and takes a lot of introspection.

@YARNLADY Really? Has Esalen become that expensive? I haven’t been there in 20 years—and it was affordable then for grad students.

In any case, there are plenty of other places to find a good workshop. The point is, they won’t change if they don’t learn how to change. They have houses, so they definitely have some resources. If they are serious about changing their lives, they could invest some of that money in their life changes.

@wundayatta, people in California are facing serious devaluation in housing value. A house that would be $400,000 in Philadelphia or $275,000 in the Cincinnati area often sold for over $1 million in southern California. The value of these houses is now in the range of $600,000 – $700,000. Unfortunately, the mortgage payment did not drop with the price of the house. People are selling houses at a loss to get out from under the payments.

I recommend Linda Breen Pierce’s ” Choosing simplicity’.

I read it several years ago while undergoing some life transistions and it is a great and inspirational read.

LBP follows a handful of people over a 10 year period through major downsizing and other creative living alternatives/choices.

It motivated me to pursue my current lifestyle path and was very inspiring. ;-)