If someone gives you a gift for which they paid nothing, do they have any right to demand a gift in return?

A gift does not come with conditions. Tell her she is SOL.

@psychocandy Your response has fully supported my opinion. Alas, the rocky familial situation between my husband and the rest of his clan prohibit me from properly expressing my feelings in this situation.

Wow, she makes no sense. I could see her getting second thoughts and wanting Turd back and trying to justify because you all have one of his puppies then she should be able to renege on her “gift”. When people call around asking others to take in an animal, I’ve never seen that as “gifting”.

I’d tell her to buzz off and expect my husband to back me.

@Neizvestnaya Good point. Asking someone to care for a dog is not a gift.

I think her argument has value if you got a stud fee for breeding Turd.

PS – your dog’s name is TURD!?!? That…is…awesome.

No, and you’ve explained it to her pretty clearly. Don’t discuss it anymore, and don’t address it. Make it a done subject.

@AGN & @psychocandy: My own dog was taken in from “friends” who were neglecting him. They had originally ordered him (purebred thing), waited for him to arrive after an age and then let him get hurt by their kids, other dogs blah blah. They were happy when we took him in but about a year and a half later wanted to be paid $1500. in exchange for his pedigree paperwork or whatnot that I never cared about. I told these people off and luckily my bf at the time backed me. He told them they were lucky he didn’t beat them for how they had neglected a helpless baby animal, he was so angry. We lost some acquaintances but we didn’t regret and more people had sympathy for our dog than for those people. I suspect more people will back you AGN that the SIL.

@iamthemob Yes, his name is Turd, cause he’s a little shit! And thanks, I think it is awesome too. :)

Tell her to demand into one hand and…. you know. The insufferable presumption. Why even talk to a person like this? I wouldn’t.

@Trillian I really don’t have much choice but to talk to her as she is family. I wish it were otherwise.

@AGN – Awesome.

Alright – really, your in the better moral position regardless of other factors because one gives a gift expecting nothing in return.

- BUT, if you got a good fee for studding the dog, and the cost of getting one of the puppies is equal to or less than the stud fee…then you received both the dog and the fee from her, technically, and so you’re not spending $150 dollars.

- if the cost of the puppy is greater than the fee, or you received none, is it possible to get the puppy for free, but offer to stud your dog again for a future litter at no/reduced cost? Then, you get a puppy for free, and so does she.

- if it’s just straight up going to cost you $150…do you know if your sister spent any money on the puppy (inoculations, etc., or care time) before you got him? She may have outlayed some cash or having the puppy prior to you getting it could have been a cost she’s thinking about, and why she’s so vehemently defending her position.

- if none of that’s true…can you spend $150 on the puppy and give it to her for a Christmas (if you celebrate) present? Or even a combo Christmas/birthday thing? If she knows that you have to spend money on it, and she gets the puppy, she can’t really argue that you can’t count it against those “event” gifts.

- If you can’t do that…can you offer to go in halvesies or something?

No one has the right to demand a gift.

Ergh. In technicalities I can see @iamthemob‘s point and I’m sure the SIL would too and though it seems like extortion to me, if you think enough family members would be astir over this then $150. isn’t too horrible a price to buy a sort of peace. I say I wouldn’t do it but that’s because I have no one around forcing the need for this type of grudging diplomacy. Tell us how it works out.

No no no. Whether or not the “gift” cost her anything, she has NO right to demand a return from you, now or ever. She’s just going to have to get her feelings hurt. You do not owe her anything, not even an explanation. Whatever the stud fee is has nothing to do with it, but if some people want to go down that road, look at the upkeep that you’ve paid for the animal fll this time. Food, vet bills, shots, registration, etc. How happy was she then to jump in and help pay?
Right. That’s what I thought.
Fuck her and anyone who looks like her.

I am 100% in agreement with @Trillian This type of behavior should never be rewarded.

@iamthemob I got pick of the litter in lieu of a stud fee. And I wouldn’t go halfsies with her on anything ever for the simple fact that I don’t like her.

If we talk about a moral position, I’m with @Trillian and @psychocandy.

However, we all know that sometimes we just need to bite the bullet when it comes to family. Doing this now may give you leverage over your sister later.

Plus…I mean…it’s a puppy. She just wants a puppy. I bet it’s cute too…those things have evil magical power over us.

I mean, Look at my avatar. That’s Tommy. He kind of runs my house. Dammit.

Spay the dog rather than perpetuating pet overpopulation, and you won’t have to worry about your sister-in-law bothering you anymore.

@AGN

Hmm – could you go halfsies with the sister that backed out of the puppy? If you stud your dog again, you could mention that this could ingratiate you to the bitch’s owner so that if she want’s one from the next litter she won’t be denied because she backed out this time.

Then you both get out of any gifts to your sis for a while – which sounds like a good thing.

Lord, are you the only good sister? It sounds like you are…

She wants a puppy. And this is the OP’s problem because why? People in hell want ice water. (Another great saying of my Mother’s) This is extortion and acquiesence will only lead to more. What is she, a spolied child who throws a tantrum when she doesn’t get her way and everyone rushs to cram her mouth full of sweets to make her happy? Is her name Verukka Salt? Augustus Gloob? Sounds like what she needs is a good spanking and a time out.

@iamthemob I am only part of this family by marriage, so whatever I do here will be wrong, unless it means to cave in to the spoiled brat and give her what she wants. And to make matters worse, I married the red-headed step child of the family who gets treated like shit no matter what.

“And to make matters worse, I married the red-headed step child of the family who gets treated like shit no matter what.”

I know this is completely off-topic, but why do you need to ingratiate yourself to these people? You, your hubby and Turd make a nice little family.

@AGN

Whoa whoa WHOA!!! (I just noticed sister-in-law…I apologize)

No no no no…you do NOT need to worry about this then. You need to tell your SPOUSE to take care of this one.

Give that man the options, and tell him to take care of his family because you were only raised in your family to tolerate X amount of crazy, and he does not want to have you waste all that tolerance on his sister, because you will then have none left for him.

@ Trillian You hit the nail on the head!

@AGN I make house calls. ;-)
Kidding people! I’m just kidding! I am not a domi… you know. I don’t do house calls, I just think that I’m funny sometimes. I’m usually wrong about that.
@psychocandy, ty.
@AGN What’s wrong with red hair? I have red hair.

@psychocandy I don’t ingratiate myself. They complain that I rarely come around, never realizing that I don’t want me or my children in that poisonous environment. When I do go around them, I spend the entire visit biting my tongue.

Then why care about this? Tell her to f-off.

Maybe I’m missing something, but if she wants a puppy, why can’t she get one on Craiglist? There are tons of free (or cheap) puppies on Craigslist.

There is absolutely no time or place where demanding a gift is acceptable.

No one who “demands” a present is ever entitled to one, no matter whether they paid nothing or a million dollars for a gift they gave to you.

Demand a gift??? Never, ever, should anyone demand a gift.

Now that takes chutzpah. Demand a gift? Certainly she can ask if it is possible she could get one of the puppies. Maybe not this litter, but if you lend your dog for stud again, maybe she can get a free one out of that litter. Just as a nice thing to do for family. But, she has a nerve expecting you to pay for a puppy, or to assume you owe her anything. F$&k her.

@iamthemob, you were only raised in your family to tolerate X amount of crazy, and he does not want to have you waste all that tolerance on his sister, because you will then have none left for him. Extra lurve for that.

No one who gives a gift ever has the right to demand a gift in return no matter what the price of the original gift.

Gifts are gifts. period. Turd? Does the name suggest you had some misgivings when you welcomed an unsolicited pet into your home? Or some tribulations getting him to adjust to housebreaking? Although now that you are all family, the name is very funny.

A gift is a gift and shouldn’t be held against you down the line. If I give a gift I don’t expect one back it’s always nice but… This girl sounds like an idiot sorry if that offends you, she’s family after all. Stand your ground, if she wants a pup then that’s her business regardless of whether or not she gave you one as a gift in the past. I may be able to understand her point if your dog was the bitch but you have already explained to her that the bitch’s owner gets the decision on how much to charge for pups and that the pup you are getting is instead of a cash stud fee.

@anartist Turd is actually a nickname. His real name is Animal and his brother (was owned by the OTHER S-I-L) is named Briggs, both types of racing engines. Turd came about because he is so tiny and such a little shit. We simply adore him and can’t imagine life without him. He is our handsome little man and we are very excited to welcome his son into our life as well.

i agree with @iamthemob: this is up to your hubby to handle, since it’s his family. you did her a favor at the time years ago, by taking the dog off her hands and giving it a good home. that was not a gift to you. you “gave her a gift” by helping her out. tell your hubby to man up and put this person in her place.

@ica It is being handled by hubby as we speak. He is done with those hateful, selfish, backstabbing individuals that call themselves family yet don’t act like it. Cutting ties. Its killing him, but he is doing it!

Good luck. You will all be the better for it.

If she is demanding a gift, then is it truly a “gift” anymore? A gift is given in the spirit of giving…otherwise, to me, it seems to be blackmail. :(

@AGN: Imagine the irritation and fires to put out you and hubby won’t have anymore and no more explanations to your kids about why some family act more like jackals than loved ones.

Not only do gifts come without strings attached and thus she deserves nothing in return, but she gave you the dog (or rather you did her a favor and took the dog in) FIVE years ago. I think the “gimme” statute of limitations has run on this one.

AGN honey, I have only one response to a family situation like this: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! I’m callin you. Answer your damn phone or I will fly up there and tickle you til you pee yourself!