Have you ever wished you could do something for sooooo long...and then when you're finally able to do it you feel shell-shocked and stunned rather than elated?

It will all come right on Christmas morning when you see the joy of the kids opening presents, but you may find that the special meaning of Christmas is not in the gifts.

I guess I already knew that marinelife! But..it still hurt. Especially when the kids were small. They never asked for much.

Funny thing is…we won’t even be here! We’re going to send all the presents to the kids’ respective homes for when they have their Christmas.

I’m just excited. I got one daughter a pink Christmas tree (not expensive, but I gave her $100 last week because she was strapped, and explained that was pretty much her Christmas present,) my other daughter an expensive pair of fur snow boots, my son, a camera. Presents for the grandkids….I bought presents for people I’ve never been able to buy for, like my dad’s wife in Florida!!

So just quietly enjoy being able to give. If you have any money left, consider giving something to charity—to people in your earlier situation.

I already have. Among other things, as I said, I dropped $100 on my daughter to help her out.

Times are good now but save a bit. My dad filed for bankruptcy while making over 200K a year in 1985

Not really. I’ve worked since I was a teen and always enjoyed to spoil my family with gifts for holidays when I could. What’s been tough is when I first thought another sibling would step in at adulthood and do the same but they didn’t. There have been really lean years for me when coming up short was just glaring and I felt awful. Now that I can do a little bit, it feels like a HUGE relief.

:) @Neizvestnaya It’s nice, isn’t it!

@Dutchess_III When you wrote you cried for Christmases past, did you mean you yearn for them, or that you were sad you could not buy/give as much previously?

I meant I was sad for all that I wasn’t able to do for my kids. But….it had it’s benefits too. They’re far, far from spoiled, and they’re all really hard workers. They appreciate what they DO have now, even if it’s not much.

@Dutchess_III I see. Maybe part of your emotion was also being able to do so much this time, and feeling financially free to spend, when I am guessing you almost never in your life just buy without worrying about the money? Sounds like this Christmas might represent much more than just buying gifts for you children. But maybe I am putting thoughts into your head that are not there?

I don’t have a big expectation at Christmas time for gifts, so I don’t have that type of dissappointment. But, I do know what it is like to think about every purchase I make, and I know how freeing it feels when realizing I didn’t have to do that anymore.

Wasn’t it you who was critical of poor people receiving gifts from strangers? Or, am I confusing you with someone else? I find this question of yours very interesting if it was you. I am not being critical or judgemental, I mean truly interesting.

That was me, yes, but people jumped to conclusions. People read it as being critical, but it was more that I don’t understand it. I have a problem with those who give useless gifts to the poor at Christmas, and ignore them the rest of the year. It’s like giving them a piece of candy when they’re starving. BUT many people said they do help out during the rest of the year, but you just don’t hear about it.

For me, personally, It just wouldn’t sit right with me to give my kids a random toy that came from a perfect stranger, someone who didn’t know them at all, didn’t know what kinds of things they like, someone you’ll never meet, someone you can’t even thank. Presents are supposed to mean “I’m thinking of you. You are special to me.” It just seems….IDK. Doesn’t seem right.

But…don’t get people started! They’re already pissed at me!

Actually, I was raised upper middle class, and was well on my way to living the rest of my life out in that kind of comfort and ease until I got divorced in 91. Had about 10 really hard years, but I think I’m a much better person for it.

Congratulations, @Dutchess_III :) I’ve experienced a similar moment of financial achievement. I called it my “celebration period.” At one point I remember talking to my mom on the phone saying: “I’ve gotta stop celebrating.” And it’s totally true. Financial success can really throw you back into financial despair if you aren’t careful. Stay sharp! Your good decisions got you to a good place. You have to keep making good decisions to keep yourself there. Don’t buy toooooo much! haha

@Dutchess_III Sounds like you went through some difficult years. I too, on that other question, worried about people putting too much emphasis on a toy at xmas than practical needs throughout the year. I think there is a santa program through the post office, where you can send a child a gift from their list, that makes more sense to me, than a random toy, and that is from Santa, so it seems ok that it might be an anonomous gift maybe? Possibly the return address is on the package, and the parent has opportunity to thank the person. I am not sure how that works.

I wonder if being raised upper middle class made it more difficult for you to accept charity? Not that there aren’t poor people who also have pride, and want to do things for themselves. Maybe you never wanted to identify yourself as poor or needy? You were getting by, handeling things, raising your family.

I’m glad you seem to be having an easier time, and are enjoying it, even if you have had this emotional reaction. Maybe you have surpressed your dissappointment regarding xmas past, and not giving your children what you had pictured prior to ‘91. I always say grieving our dreams and our projection for our future can be very difficult.

@ninjacolin ((( ))) thanks for that! I’m doing OK. Mainly using my checks to get out from under other debts I’ve had forever, like student loans. I try to forget that we have any other income other than Ricks…..

@JLeslie Re suppressing previous disappointment…that could be. It would have been useless at the time to wallow in self pity, so maybe I just held back until there was a time when I could….reflect, not continue to live.

Re my upbringing, well, both of my folks were raised REALLY poor in the 30’s and 40’s. Dad got his double E degree though, and went to work for Boeing and that was the end of poverty. I don’t have any memories of “hard times” financially from my child hood, but they probably managed to pass down to me the concept of pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, working hard, and not expecting other people to do it for you.

Yes, I waited more than my usual (at his request and for a myriad of reasons) to be intimate with a person and when we finally became physical, it was nothing like I imagined and I was truly stunned at how it all went down and it affected me for weeks.