Did you ever get the feeling that when opportunity knocked for you, you answered and you got bamboozled?

Wow, I am sorry for your losses. It seems life hit you hard.

First, it appears as if you have not finished grieving. You don’t mention how long your husband has been gone. I would consider a grief and loss group. It doesn’t sound as if you have anyone to talk to. Talking out your grief is important.

Next, I think that you should force yourself to volunteer. You need some perspective on life, and volunteering is a way to get you to see what others’ lives are like and to care for people again.

Finally, although it may seem very hard in the place that you are now, I want you to give thanks for the blessings in your life. Like your dogs who get you to exercise—even a little.

Your daughter is probably acting out due to her grief at losing her father. Losing someone when a teenager is very tough. Consider getting her into a grief support group for teens.

Please hang in there. Things seem very bleak right now, but life will take an upturn if you let it.

Welcome to Fluther by the way/

I too am sorry for your upheavels, it happens though.

I went through a high stress divorce at 43 after almost 22 years of marriage, and had to completely re-invent my life.

Now, 8 years later I feel it was the best thing that ever happened and I am, once again, enjoying a stable and happy life of my own design and couldn’t be happier!

Everything in life is of a temporary nature and there is no lasting ‘security.’

This is hard to assimilate when one goes through a crisis but, it is ultimate truth.

Life is about periods of stability and periods of transistion, you WILL cycle out of this dark phase and ultimately you will grow and thrive again. :-)

It just takes time.

My entire transistion took about 5 years total to arrive back to place of stability and recovery.

In the meanwhile be careful about feeling ‘victimized’ by life, maybe go to some therapy and read as much as you can of an inspirational nature.

This too shall pass…..everything does, and learning to live with uncertainty is part of being an emotionally and spiritually healthy person!

You WILL survive and go on to THRIVE again, yes you WILL! ;-)

No. The only time I felt opportunity knocked and I didn’t take advantage and also benefit of it was all my own fault. I let opportunity go in lieu of my sense of self righteousness and want to stick up for someone else who ironically didn’t let opportunity pass them by.

I think that I understand how you feel. This sounds like what happened to my Mom. Dad was a successful dentist who died of Leukemia at 32 leaving Mom, my two older sisters and I with no insurance (Dad had other health issues so no one would insure him). Life was suddenly very hard. We were a sad group. Mom worked two jobs and was either at work or sleeping. My older sisters were in charge of me but as I got bigger they couldn’t control me anymore. I’m sure that I added greatly to Mom’s misery with all the trouble that I caused (I lied, cheated and stole and totally ran wild). Through all the bad times I never saw Mom cry or even show sadness. Her standard mood was strong and positive as she went through life day by day. She never disciplined me (something that I really needed). She let me stumble, fall and get up by myself and somehow I learned the lessons of all of my mistakes. As an adult I apologized to her for all the bad things that I had done but she claimed to not remember any of them. I think that if Mom was alive today that she would agree with my motto: Life is hard so you have to get tough or die young. Good luck to you.

@gondwanalon yes I think you are right it sounds very similar. Fortunatley I have only one child to care for. It is some solstice feeling like I’m not the only one. And yes strength I have barely cried in front of my daughter she does give me more confidence and strength, she is a lot like her father that part is awesome.

I think life does that—move between perfect and awful. Sometimes the transition is horrible and fast. That sucks big time. Your story reminds me of the story of Job. Or the book about why bad things happen to good people.

It’s life. It has nothing to do with your merit as a person. Shit happens. All you can do is react to it and do the best you can. Feeling picked on doesn’t help.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can. You certainly haven’t given up. This is a good sign. Most of us to the same. Especially if we have children. We have to stay strong for our children.

I don’t know what your opportunities are. Do you have a job? If not, have you been looking for one? I’m sure a job would help. If you don’t have one, I’m unclear as to what you are living on.

People do what they have to, I think, in order to stay alive. It can be hard to face the future or to make decisions when you are grieving, but that’s what people do, even if they feel like they can’t move another step and you just want to collapse in a heap and never get out of bed again.

It isn’t easy, but counseling can help. Sometimes, if you are depressed, other meds can help. They don’t maske your feelings, but they do give the the feeling that you can handle stuff without being so overwhelmed. I wish you luck.

@wundayatta

Can’t help but laugh at this…....‘sometimes the transistion is horrible and fast’.

Well, that’s better than horrible and slow. hahaha