@spykenij That’s interesting, what your psychiatrist made you do. I’ve never heard of that before. Sucks that you still get the gut feelings, though.
Haha, your story sounds like mine. I fell so hard for this girl that I moved from Louisiana to Texas to be with her (she was friends with my cousin who had lived in Texas but moved back to LA… we had met once before, but when we both ended up single my cousin hooked us up. The girl would drive down every weekend to spend time with me, and eventually I just moved over there). I dropped the life I had been living since I was a kid and started fresh somewhere new, and it was the first time I ever really felt happy… hell, I still feel like Houston is my home, not Louisiana. We lived together for two years… got and raised a puppy together, bought each other commitment rings (I spent $600, she spent $50), when she lost her job I supported her, then when I lost my job she supported me. I was even helping her through the process of trying to get custody of her son back. Our only problem was that our relationship had been very sexual from the beginning, but about 3 months after moving in together she seemed to lose interest. By the 2nd year I was literally begging her to have sex with me, and even then it happened maybe once every 3 months. She said that she had a low sex drive, but I wasn’t convinced because of how it was in the beginning of the relationship. Otherwise, we rarely fought or argued. Then one day, after living together for over 2 years, she called me when she was on her way home from work, as usual. I was making dinner and asked her how many chicken strips she wanted and told her that I had already checked the mail and she didn’t have to. She said she wanted three chicken strips and thanks for checking the mail. But when she walked through the door, her dad followed in right after her and they started packing up all her shit. I asked her dad to leave and while he was outside I literally cried and begged her on my knees not to leave, asked her why she was leaving, all of that. She wouldn’t give me a straight answer, and after 30 minutes her dad came back in and they packed up her shit and left. I drove back to Louisiana at 2am crying hysterically with my belongings and my dog in the car and had to go live with my mother until I could get a job and afford to pay rent.
On my way back home she had called me and asked me to stay in Houston, that we should go back to dating and she’d come visit me at the apartment but sleep at her dad’s or whatever. I told her that I couldn’t do that, because everywhere I looked in the apartment, I’d just see her and the things we used to do. She told me that she just needed some time to decide whether or not we should be together (without telling me why she was leaving in the first place) and that she would call me the next Saturday after she got off of work. I was so desperately in love with her that I didn’t see this as an asshole move; I just wanted to be with her again. For the first week of living back with my mom, I barely ate or slept. I would sit outside and cry all day, go sleep for a few hours, then go right back outside and cry. I must have smoked a hundred packs of cigarettes. I couldn’t watch TV or listen to the radio or talk to anyone, because everything reminded me of her and I would begin sobbing uncontrollably. So I just sat outside, even though my dog was out there and everytime I looked at my dog I started crying, thinking of the day that we picked her out together.
By the time she was supposed to call me, I had begun spending a little more time inside, but still cried for about half the day and still wouldn’t watch TV or anything. When Saturday came, I went sit outside to await her call 3 hours before she was supposed to get off of work. 2 hours after she had gotten off she still didn’t call me, so I called her. She said she needed more time, she would call me tomorrow. Every night around 6pm I would go sit outside and wait for her call, and she would never call me. Eventually my mom came sit outside with me and told me that this had to stop. She told me about her first real relationship with a woman, this lady named Mary who moved in after my dad moved out when I was around 4 and lived with us until I was around 12. She had always been an asshole to us kids, which is why my mom had broken up with her. Now my mother told me that it took her years to get over Mary, that she compared all of her relationships to hers and Mary’s and that’s why all of her relationships since then had failed. We cried together. I stopped going sit outside and wait for her calls, and instead started clubbing every night with my mom and her friends. This sounds weird, but although my mom is 50, all of her friends are hot 20 year old lesbians, lol.
So I partied hard and I partied often. Although I have social anxiety and I have never been the kind of person who likes doing things like that, it kept my mind off of her and it enabled me to meet other people. Twice she called me while I was at the club and asked to talk to me. Once she asked what I would say if she asked me to come back. The minute she said that my heart broke again and I nearly started crying, but I was too drunk and too proud to let her do that to me again, so I told her that I wouldn’t go back.
It took me over a year to completely get over her. When I go into detail like this and get sucked back into those memories I still cry (happy my girlfriend isn’t home right now, haha), but in day-to-day life I don’t ever think of her. It wasn’t until I had just started to get over her that she called me again. I was with this girl that I was kind-of dating.. we were both still kind of stuck on our ex’s, so it was mostly a sexual relationship, but I had been staying at her house for a few days. I went outside to take the call, and asked her why she had left me. She gave me some non-sense excuse about the fact that I had taken lortabs at work a couple of times and how that was going to interfere with her getting her son back – which would be a legitimate excuse if it had happened often. It happened on three occasions over the course of our two years together, and by the time I had gotten home they had completely worn off. That was maybe 3 years ago, and since then I’ve asked her two other times when I’ve come across her on Myspace or Facebook. She gave a different excuse every time, but last year when I totaled my car and was cleaning out my belongings, I found a picture of her and some other girl together in my trunk. It’s the same girl who she is dating now.
A lot of shit happened after that. Met this crazy chick who told me she loved me the day after I met her, and when I “broke up” with her (we were never dating) she sent me 4 video messages a day from her phone of her crying and telling me she loves me and shit. When I told her I was never going to date her, she moved to Wyoming or some shit… all because I wasn’t going to be with her. I got into drugs pretty bad, went through rehab, got raped by a guy in Narcotics Anonymous. Thankfully my current girlfriend came into my life a couple of months before I had my daughter, and she is still here with me, one and a half years later. I love my girlfriend, I have the best daughter in the world, and I’m back in school studying to become a psychiatrist.
So yeah, sometimes bitches aren’t worth the trouble they come with. ;)