Should I be worried about comments my boyfriend makes on Facebook?

I don’t like the sound of that. Doing that on Facebook is tantamount to being publicly disrespectful of you. Continuing to do it when he knows it bothers you IS being disrespectful. He should really knock it off. If it’s nothing important, then it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to stop it.

I would set him free. ;)

Set him FREE on Facebook.

@diavolobella This all started last Friday and he did it again since. Sunday just gone was our 6months and he didn’t really think that was a big deal either until I mentioned atleast 3 times.

To add to this… he is to scared too tell his parents about me because i’m not of his ethnicity. I’m tempted to tell them myself but I know that is going tooooooo far!

@silvermoon I would think if you mentioned how much it bothered you even once, he would at least think about how he’s acting. Three times? As long is it is a reasonable request which this is he should cease immediately. Oh, and the scared of the parents thing? Do NOT go to his parents. Go to him. How old are you two?

@silvermoon Never mind I see you are in your twenties. I feel that if you are a secret, and he’s acting like this in such a public forum, you have a real problem with trust. Calmly confront him with your concerns, what you will tolerate, and how you want to resolve this. Please.

The things he is doing are not OK if you are in an exclusive relationship. The fact that he will not tell his parents about you is a bad sign.

I think you should drop this guy!

@janedelila I’m 22 and he’s going on to 26. I don’t like being a secret, when he’s going to come out with me he says he is “going to see a friend”. I wish he wouldnt lie to them and just tell them the truth. I asked him when is he planning on telling them because it’s been 6months (but known him for 1yr) he said next time they ask him if he has a girl yet.

When I do ask him about things like Facebook etc he gets a little on the defence and says I dont trust him. I do trust him but when I see things I get a automatic concern. I guess I need to stand back a little & think before I jump and ask.

This is my first more serious relationship and I really don’t know what to expect.

@silvermoon Oh not cool. In my book anyhow. I wouldn’t want a man that wasn’t so proud to be with me that he couldn’t wait to tell everybody who he was out with. It would make me sad that he might be so ashamed of something about myself I couldn’t control, and angry that he is so worried about his parents perceptions when he is a grown man. I say move on.

This guy is a little old to be so worried about Mom and Dad. That, combined with his behavior on Facebook, would make me inclined to think he’s stringing you along. I agree with setting this guy free.

@diavolobella -Well said.:)

@janedelila @diavolobella He told his friends 4months ago about me & they all thought it was great but for some reason it all stops when it comes to his parents. His younger brother thinks it’s brilliant that my boyfriend didnt pick someone of their ethnicity & wants to help him “tell the parents”. Him and his brother are so close they mays well be attached. Boyfriend is a middle child out of 3 boys and appariently the “favourite” child. Half the time he cares about what his parents and the other half he doesn’t.

When I told my Mum I was shaking so much it was kind of funny but Mum had already guessed anyway – my dad doesn’t know because he’s kinda racist.

This does not sound right to me. He is being disrespectful to you already. It won’t get better.
Unless he’s providing something you need and you feel it’s worth the pain, it’ time to cut bait.
You deserve better.

I don’t like to say it, but there are too many signs here pointing to your relationship not working out. A 26-year-old man who’s afraid to tell his parents that he’s dating a girl of a different ethnicity? You’re not getting married, after all – sounds to me that he ought to grow up.

If you’re not comfortable with the way he talks to girls from work on Facebook, I can guarantee that you wouldn’t be comfortable with the way he behaves when he’s around them. Sounds to me that you should be looking for someone better.

It may be harmless to him if he doesn’t plan on taking any action, it may all be a bunch of flirtation but it’s rude considering he has a gf. It tells other people several things which may not be true such as:

I’ve got a gf but we’re not exclusive.
I’ve got a gf but I don’t have enough respect for her to keep my flirtations to just her.
I’ve got a gf but I don’t think she’s as hot as all these other fb girls.
I’ve got a gf who’s not taking the hint I don’t think we have a serious relationship.
I’m a selfish enough person that I need these other flirtations even though I know it hurts my gf’s feelings.

@Neizvestnaya To be honest he wont flirt with me. When I flirt with him he tells me to stop being naughty but yet he flirts with others so it does get me quite upset at times.

Any mention from me that maybe we should break up or something always gets thrown out the window and ends up a no go.

Your last sentence is scary. He sounds like a control freak. Just do it.
Hopefully you are employed and are not depending upon him to pay your rent.
This does not pass the sniff test. It’s not my business, but if I were in your shoes I’d be out of there.
Don’t look back.

@worriedguy We actually havn’t lived together yet & I deffinatly have my own job.

@silvermoon: Sounds to me like you each need to share what your boundaries are as far as acceptable flirting. He may not feel the need to flirt with you because he’s got you but he also needs to understand it’s something you’re comfortable with and if you are to go without that from him then it’s really unfair and hurtful to see him be that way with others.

I agree with @worriedguy – breakups are rarely a mutual decision. If you feel you should break up with him, you don’t need his permission.

“His younger brother thinks it’s brilliant that he didn’t pick someone of the same ethnicity”?
That sounds strange, like it was a plan or a plot. I don’t think the facebook comments would worry me as much as him hiding me from his parents. Very disrespectful. Find someone who will respect you.

He’s already crossed the line. It’s bad enough that someone who is in a relationship would blatantly flirt with someone in person, but it’s really bad if he does it on FB where everybody can see it. It’s very disrespectful towards you, especially after you told him that it made you feel uncomfortable and YOU thought it was crossing the line. He’s not regarding you at all.

At 26 he should be able to tell his parents about you (and he should have immediately after you 2 became serious). He’s got one or two things going on and maybe both. He’s immature or he’s got his own little shame thing going on. Either way, it’s bad.

This would be a good time to break up with him.

@chyna – She’s from New Zealand – it’s just a different slang than we’re used to. Like saying “his brother thinks it’s great”.

@Seelix Oh, okay, thanks.

Umm no slang here… His younger brother does think it is good that i’m not their ethnicity and they are curious about how the “rents” will react hense the support. My boyfriend is Indian, I’m Kiwi.

@silvermoon Why does the brother specifically think it’s good that you are not the same ethnicity?

One’s ethnicity shouldn’t matter one way or the other, but the brother clearly knows that his parents won’t be happy. Seems odd that he’s pushing it, like it’s some kind of test.

Your boyfriend still sounds like he’s not a very good match for you. Not because of the ethnicity part, just that he sounds like he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t treat you sweetly. A BF should flirt with his own GF. He should NOT flirt with other people. And he should not disregard your feelings. Be done with him. Better to leave now, before you get any more attached to him. I hope he’s not coming to your house for Xmas.

@Kardamom They are Indians and Indians tend to want to stick to their own crouds. I don’t see how it could be at test. It seems that what I look like could be the factor to the parents also but not to my boyfriend. Honestly if I told you our start signs you’d say “get out fast” – the most emotional signs and the least likely to be together. He acts differently when he’s up here at home, when he is away hes always wanting to stick to me. Honestly I invited him for christmas about a month ago but then I changed my mind when I imagine what my family would do. I could imagine my grandmother sitting there asking him a million questions about India etc.

Not telling your parents about your girlfriend when you’ve been dating her for SIX MONTHS is obnoxious. And if something makes you uncomfortable, even if it’s something as dumb as Facebook comments, then he shouldn’t keep doing it. :(

I don’t believe in star signs at all, so I can’t say whether that is good or bad. I think the most important aspects of any good relationship are common interests, common goals and a mutual respect for the other person. That being said, although ethnicity should not matter at all, it DOES to some people and you will always be fighting an up hill battle if on the one hand your BF is too terrified to even mention your existence, and his parents will likely be very angry, and your family might think he’s too exotic or strange and make him feel like an outsider. There’s just too much bad stuff going on here and not enough good to make this worth the grand effort that you would have to shovel into it if you continue.

What I meant by a test by the brother is that it sounds like the brother is trying to “bait” the parents. Brother may not like the fact that his parents don’t want someone of another ethnicity dating one of their sons and he’s hoping that YOU will be the sacrificial lamb. Yuck! Maybe he’s also secretly dating someone outside of their ethnicity.

And once again, your BF sounds really awful to be flirting with other women and just blowing you off. Weigh you options carefully, don’t be blinded by your love for him. Young women have a horrible tendency to try to justify all of the bad behaviors (big and small) that their BF’s commit. Either nip this in the bud now, or expect more of the same.

Maybe you can ask Santa for a new BF.

Haven’t read the other answers yet but don’t you dare assume YOU’RE not good enough. He obviously doesn’t deserve you.

IMO if he is not willing to acknowledge your existence to his family after this much time there appears to be a major hurdle for him to not have done so by now. Couple that with his flirtatious behavior on Facebook, he seems to be keeping his options open and if I were you I would not be one of them.

What’s happened to make him decide that being creepy is a good idea?

It sounds like he still wants to play the field but is afraid to be on his own. I know a couple like that- I met them both at around the same time because I worked with the boyfriend and his girlfriend often visited the store. He would flirt with women and try to say she wasn’t really his girlfriend. (None of these women ever took him seriously or returned his interest.)

Meanwhile I became friends with the girlfriend and talked about it with her. She said, “I know he has a wandering eye… but I really care about him.” They’re still together and they argue about it a lot; it seems like they do like each other in some way but neither one is really happy being together. She knows what she needs to do but doesn’t want to do it.

It sounds like you’re also in a long-distance relationship. What do you see in this guy? You’d probably be a lot happier with a guy who lives in your area, flirts with you, and is committed to you.

It all sounds like 16 year olds not early 20’s. He doesn’t want to tell his parents, you haven’t told your dad. Sounds like he still lives at home? He doesn’t respect you enough to stop flirting with other women in a public forum when you have said it makes you uncomfortable. You are questioning why you are not good enough for him? I say get out now. But, I have a feeling with that last thing, that you even question not being good enough for him, that you might have some self esteem issues. He is not good enough for you.

After reading this thread, can you really come up a reason to stay with him? @silvermoon, get out before you think that this is how relationships work. Without trust, respect (which he seems to be lacking) and compassion…there isn’t a relationship. Furthermore, don’t be someone’s secret – and don’t enter into a relationship where you aren’t sure you would or could tell your family about your SO. If you have to hide, or someone has to hide; it’s just not worth it…ever.

Best wishes to you.

Kick him to the curb.

If my boyfriend wouldn’t let me flirt with him, I’d find that really boring (and strange). The best flirting is the flirting you do with your significant other because it actually does lead to something (wink wink). :) Sounds like he’s not much fun along with the rest of his issues.

The cultural practices around dating and mating are much more formal and family centered in some cultures than others. His not wanting his parents to know he’s dating you is a sign that he doesn’t have long term intentions for your relationship at this time.

he is 26 and keeping you secret from his parents, he disrespects you in a public forum (Facebook), you ask him to stop and he continues, and you say any mention of breaking up is a no go and gets thrown right out the window.

when you want to break up with someone, it’s not necessarily a mutual decision. it is your decision and he may not like it but he will not have a choice. you are tolerating behavior that many would not tolerate, and if this is the beginning of your relationship, when things should be pretty rosy, what’s going to happen in six months more from now? have more respect for yourself and pick someone who is appreciative of you. most people that have answered have said similar things, so if this were a survey the results would be drop this dude like a hot potato.