What is something one might say at a social gathering that would immediately change the atmosphere?
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ucme (
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December 23rd, 2010
Any gathering you can think of, at a wedding, or a party, or whatever. Something said that would cause a sea change in any atmosphere. Whether that be for the better or indeed palpably worse. Obviously there are a multitude of possibilities, just give it your best shot. Looking for your funniest/most ingenious/wicked proposals.
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47 Answers
“Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant, and someone in here is the father.”
“Would you mind helping me with my fly?”
“Shoot, my scorpions escaped”
“I object to this wedding! I slept with the groom last night! ...........And the bride this morning!”
someone succumbing to the terminal stage of ebola
“Would you like some nuts? They’re left over from the lepers xmas ball we had in here last night”
“Wow, you have really sexy children!”
“So I was fuckin’ my wife in the ass last night and…...”.
It’s so good to finally not wear any underwear!
“So, did I tell you the one about the muslim and the pig?”
“Where’s Mohammed gone? He’s left his rucksack over there”
“Alright, could everyone chip in a couple dollars for the booze I bought?”
Aww, this is just how I imagine any mass fluther meeting would turn out. Thanks for your offerings, so far….
At a bar mitzvah (said by the date of the sister of the young man): Mmmm, I hope they got some of those bacon wrapped weiners on one of those appetizer trays.
At a wedding (said to the bride’s parents) Wow, she’s actually going through with this! Her last few marriages never really stuck did they? I hope that last divorce came through in time else she’s gonna have one of the polyamphoristic thingamajigees going on. Whooo doggy!
At a holiday party: There’s a guy outside who says he’s your cousin and he’s peeing on your lit-up nativity scene. Looks like he’s lit-up too.
At a Christening (said to the parents of the baby): There’s some dude at the door of the chapel that says he’s the baby daddy and he’s here with the whole family from Weasel Holler. But don’t worry, they brought possum cakes for everyone.
At a Bris (said by the Rabbi): oops, Oh don’t worry, that was just my finger.
At a child’s birthday party (said by one of the child’s friend’s parents): Where’s the booze? Who’s that kid?
At an office party (said by the boss to a male employee after having too much rum cake): Hey cutie, howzabout going back to my office for a little peak-a-boo-pinch-pinch. Oh, sorry Jim, I thought you were Barbara.
“What makes the hors d’oeurves so savory is using real scrotum.”
This was actually said at a company Christmas party a week ago. We were meeting in a convention / banquet facility where we have been doing this for the past few years, and our general manager was giving a short talk on our year’s performance and the agenda for the afternoon’s dinner and entertainment. As he finished a fairly upbeat description of what has been a pretty good year for us, considering the state of the economy, he also mentioned in passing that, “We’ve hired extra security for the afternoon because of some of the break-ins that occurred in the parking lot last week when another company was here at this facility.”
All at once everyone who had been looking forward to a couple of drinks, a nice meal and a relaxed afternoon was now wondering, “Damn, I hope my car is safe, because I have my computer on the back seat.”
Gee, I wonder what the dead load design weight is for this floor.
“Soooo…when does the sex start?”
To the owner of the blue 2010 Hummer: Thanks for polluting the air, asshole!
“Oh no that is not a cold sore on my lip…the doc is pretty sure it’s Ebola…results are due in on Monday. Can you pass me the shrimp cocktail dip??
Any kind of Racist or Religious based joke!
At a funeral someone saying I killed him/her.
“Sylvia, I’m surprised that you and David are still together. I would have thought that you would have kicked him out when you found out he was sleeping with (insert hostess name here.)”
“Open both inner and outer airlock doors and then flood the cabin with argon!” That will change the atmosphere :-p
“You know, I could drop dead at any moment.”
Just announce that you are an IRS agent—that works every time.
Everyone remain calm. There is no need to panic, but…
my father in law’s colostomy bag ruptured in here this morning. Can you tell?
Somebody is dead in the bathroom.
I think I just started my period!
Now where did I leave those snakes?
My son did exactly that once, when he was 8. He had caught a couple of ring neck snakes, and, unbeknownst to me, brought them out to the car in a jar when we had to go some where…and LOST them in the car!!! Actually, it was my boyfriend’s car….Oh man!
“I keep my panties in the refrigerator.”
Even though thong panties are tiny scraps of material, they still count, you know!
Ok. I got one. “I got a ice cube up my butt!” ~ WillWorkForChocolate.
Pffft. Like I would ever say that. I don’t tell people about the other night!
I like poop. I mean, shit. Fuck. What’d I say?
Yeah I gets bizarre without it…thanks for the encouragement. :D It’s a good cause. ^^
Iz in yer thred drink yer beerz!
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