Why is it shallow if like what you like?

Being “shallow” refers to the inability to look past the surface. Everyone has preferences, but basing all of your choices exclusively on appearances would make you shallow.

I was absent the day they taught that when it comes to who you like in a romantic or even lustful sense then all of a sudden you are expected to toss out what you like and ignore the visual. Never heard that.

Because nobody likes what they like out of thin air – what we think are choices aren’t – we are products of sometimes very biased upbringing and through our ‘preferences’ come out our environment’s isms as in racism, sexism, etc.

It’s shallow if you base your choice purely on looks, no matter what the person is like otherwise. And no one is stopping you from making your choice that way. Anyone who actually does make shallow choices is probably too shallow to understand that being called shallow is an insult.

If you’d be with someone because they are a type that you find physically attractive, even if you didn’t particularly like their personality or behavior, you’d be shallow. If you are attracted to a certain type and like their personality as well, I don’t see a problem. What makes it shallow is being with someone strictly for their looks.

@diavolobella is right. Shallow means you like nothing about the personality of an individual, yet you stay with them simply because they’re sexy.

Right, shallow and preference are two different things entirely.

I’d add ‘shallow’ covers more than just looks, it could also mean using people for what they can do for you, give you, turn you on to. All shallow behaviors.

There is nothing wrong with preference.

Preference is one thing, shallow is another. If you won’t even consider dating a 5’3” brunette just because she isn’t your “type”, even though she’s sweet and you get along really well, that’s shallow.

It is what it is. You decide and be honest.

Because people are more than their looks. Humans have thoughts and feelings and ideas and emotions and talents and fears and memories and strengths and weaknesses. If you only go by what a person looks like, then you are shallowly discounting every other thing about that person’s human-ness.

How many people will go on the record to say if they met some one unattractive at a party but they were witty, had a good attitude, was funny their personality alone would make you think they were the guy/gal for you—or at least enough to try long term dating? And if personality trumps looks why are so many fat people alone with no one no matter how much of a “golden soul” they are?

@Hypocrisy_Central I don’t know about at a party. I think it takes personality longer to show through than it takes looks. I’ve fallen in love with someone’s personality even though I wasn’t attracted to them physically. That relationship lasted four years. It ended because of a lack of chemistry.

I met her at work, so I had a lot of time to get to know her before I started being attracted to her. That wouldn’t happen at a party. Just not enough time at a party.

@wundayatta I think it takes personality longer to show through than it takes looks. I’ve fallen in love with someone’s personality even though I wasn’t attracted to them physically. That relationship lasted four years. It ended because of a lack of chemistry. That is somewhat the whole deal, no matter what. What you see is what draws you 1st. Just as a pie might look delectable once you actually start eating it, it might only be half-full of filling and not sweet. If there is no draw at the beginning, how do you know what their personality is like? Sometimes a great looking woman, or a hunky handsome man, can turn out to be a real douche, but you have to be involved long enough. Likewise, you can have someone who was not on the radar looks wise but you get to know then, and they become attractive because of their force of personality.

Chemistry to me is just code for how well the lust was, and once it wears off, they say the chemistry is gone or wasn’t there.