[NSFW] What are the most creative lengths to which you've gone, in the name of self-pleasure?

I’m sure this won’t be a satisfying answer, but I’ve found it isn’t what’s outside that makes much difference; it’s what is going on in my mind. When inspired by just the idea of a woman who wants me—all I have to do is believe she is out there; she doesn’t actually have to be there—I start writing erotica and that gets me so turned on that…..

Anything can happen in these fantasies, so long as I decide to believe they are possible. It’s an amazing thing. A while back, I discovered that it’s not just amazing for me, but for other people who read what I write. Quite intense, I think. And it’s all head stuff. I don’t even need to go into anything kinky. All I have to do is describe the feelings intensely enough and everyone who reads it is lost (if they let themselves do that).

Creative lengths? I’d say so. Very creative. Very intense and involving. And the feelings—the physical sensations are incredible, too. I’ve heard reports that women are blown away by this.

Does concealing your hand in a carton of popcorn whilst watching Snow White at the cinema count? The front rows got showered in that stuff….popcorn I hasten to add! She’s a damn fine looking woman is Miss White.

I basically am the female version of the American Pie kid – more often than not, I’ve wondered what it would feel like, and found out (course, I would have had the decency to take that damn pie up to my room and experiment in private!)
I had (need to replace him) a really large stuffed teddy bear that I used to strap my strap-on onto – so much better than the awkward hand positions where your arms just aren’t quite long enough.

@papayalily – Okay, that’s kinda hot and a really good idea. Never occurred to me to attach the strap-on to something. I’ve always just coped manually.

@MissAnthrope I do wish it wasn’t so, well, creepy as a kids toy, but I’m just so terrified that a blow-up will be punctured and deflate permanently. When I was a kid, I stole my sister’s my-size-Barbie-doll, but those things are so effing hard! And doesn’t make it any less creepy… Course, the bear is only one aspect of how far I go – I seem to remember creating some sort of panty thing that would rub up against me while I was at work (years and years ago, couldn’t recreate it if I tried).

@papayalily – For what it’s worth, it’s more hot than creepy in my mind. The rubbing panty thing is great, too. I was going to get my clit hood pierced because I’d heard it can rub you the right way as you walk and go about your business. Alas, apparently mine is too small to pierce.

Reading @papayalily‘s responses has piqued my… nevermind.

Phone sex is probably the farthest I’ve gone creatively for self stimulation, I’m creative when stimulation involves one or two other gals.

@Winters Yeah, it’s piqued mine, too. I’m gonna go log off Fluther and spend some quality time with myself.

@MissAnthrope And I’ll be thinking of you and your clit hood the entire time…

Note to self:

@papayalily + @MissAnthrope = awesome dicussions

Hahaha…

@papayalily – I’m honored!

I have laid waste to entire galaxies in search for that planet shattering climax!

Haha, I can’t decide if I actually want to post mine.

Ok, I’ll wing it. I’ve found that while at work or while driving a car, that sitting on my own foot/heel works well. Hands free orgasm… good for multitasking.

@TheOnlyNeffie – Another good idea. I just kind of tried it out and I may have to investigate further. Seems like it might take some practice to get it just right?

I am trying to think if I’ve ever done anything unusual or creative, but somehow I think I’ve been pretty boring. This is probably because there was only one specific way for me to go about masturbating for a long time, on my stomach, so I was limited in terms of technique. I did take risks with where I did it, though.. once, when I was 13 or 14, was in the backseat of a car on a long road trip with my dad and step-mom in the front.

Oh, maybe, I don’t know. It was kind of a natural discovery for me. Of course, a rocking/hip motion is the objective, more than actually trying to move your foot around. I feel like this is one of those things that would be easier to demonstrate, rather than put into words. Youtube? lol.

Yeah, I get you. Hmmm.. that’s kind of nice. +5.

@TheOnlyNeffie, one of my friends does that and asked me if it was weird! I told her “whatever floats your boat.”

As for me… y’all don’t wanna know.

Yes, I do!

Bathtub faucet at full force. Shower massager, too. And just about anything that vibrates.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Yes, we do!

The pulsating shower head really is all that it’s cracked up to be.

I used to date a guy who didn’t use his hands to masturbate. He would lie on his stomach and tuck everything between his legs, and then move so that it would stimulate that whole area. It looked painful to me, but he insisted that because his thighs were stronger than his hands, that it was pleasurable. That was the only time I’ve ever seen anything quite like it. I don’t even feel like I’ve done a good job of describing it, actually.

@FPCB, you know we do.

I don’t know if you shower head/nozzle ladies are more orgasmic or what, but color me jealous. I’ve tried it cause y’all just rave about it all the time and it feels good, but I don’t know what it is.. I can’t get off in the bath or shower.

Really? Maybe it has something to do with water pressure. I was really skeptical, but I was quickly convinced.

No. :(

That’s what I mean about being limited in my own exploits! The only things that work, generally, are pretty “normal”. It’s taken me years of diligent training to expand my repertoire of positions and such. Even relaxed in the bath tub, I just can’t. I dunno.

Well, of course with the sitting on your own foot and the shower head methods, those are pretty much exclusively clitoral stimulation. Penetration may be an important aspect for you. (I’m just guessing, of course, since I have no way of knowing otherwise.) I know the combination is a necessary thing for it to “work” for many women.
Plus, if you have something that works at all, I say run with it. No reason to give up a good thing. :)

@MissAnthrope What have you tried – different shower heads? Different pressure? I know that I used to be able to in the shower, but my new showerhead just doesn’t hit me the right way – all it’s really good for is cleaning me out.

I don’t think my explorations in this area have been too extensive, to be honest. I’ve maybe tried a few, if that. I have historically been a bit weird (and limited) in my methods, so I just chalked it up to that. But.. interesting. I wonder which shower heads are the best for that purpose, if all shower heads aren’t created equal. :)

@MissAnthrope They were both Waterpicks, but the first one was the nicest one around 30 bucks I could get at Bed, Bath and Beyond, while the newer one was the cheapest one I could get at Walmart.

Well, I suppose I shall re-assess in the future.. I want one of those anyway, as I find them really handy for practical (non-sexual) uses. The problem, I think, is that I haven’t met one with the right kind of pressure. The sensations feel good, but more tickly than arousing. Maybe I’m doing it wrong. I don’t rightly know. Let me know if you give lessons. ;)

So.. okay.. I’ve always been a humper. Hee hee. But, really, it’s true. My best male friend and I had a ‘game’ where we dry humped each other when we were 9 or 10. I learned to masturbate by humping a stuffed animal, then by balled up blankets or whatever.

@MissAnthrope I did that, too. Ah, I remember the sheetburn from a good morning’s self-screw…
Yeah, they are great for practical purposes. I especially love them for when I’m dying my hair or went a little heavy on the conditioner and need it to thoroughly rinse everything out. Plus, it’s really the only way I can give my cats a bath.

You will be pleased to learn, I do give lessons. Seriously, I need to just come out to you and we can get things out of our systems. Ooo! And we can give it a name, like Zach and Mira Make A Porno or something, only with our names and activities…

I would buy that movie.

Hahahaha, oh my. If only you could see me blush. :D and be rendered speechless in what I hope is an endearingly dorky way.

@MissAnthrope I do find your dorkyness endearing.

You’re very sweet. You’ve certainly made my day, maybe my month! ;)

I’ve written a lot of my own porn because nobody has, or very, very few people have, the same fantasies that I do.

@Brian1946 If you post any of it online, I’d be interested in reading it.

I’ll never look at a banana peel the same way again.

So many unused genitals – so little time…

There is a billboard in Dallas with a cucumber on it that says “stop vegetable abuse”.

Hahahaha. Okay, see, if I had a penis, I would go to some interesting lengths. For example.. the banana peel? Totally would try that. Another one I’ve heard that sounded interesting was setting a watermelon in the sun for a few hours to warm it up, then cutting a hole in it, and bow chicka bow wow.

I don’t even have a real penis and I know this about myself.. how is it no one who has one is willing to admit it’s fun to put it in different stuff? :P

The most exploratory thing I’ve done was trying it in a pool. And after a few minutes, it was clear I wasn’t feelin’ it.

You say you’d try all sorts of things if you were a guy, @MissAnthrope, but I say the same thing if I were a girl. I think it’s a “Grass is always greener” situation. I don’t think I could bring myself to stick myself into a pie, or a watermelon, or any of the other strange MacGuyver inventions I’ve heard people tell me. I’m not likely to use any of those sleeves or FleshLight kind of toys either. But I also tell myself that if I were a woman, there’d be no phallic object left untested.

Ha! Hmmm.. interesting point. Okay, well, I do have a stable of phallic objects I can use, of different materials. So there’s that. Then, in terms of safety and hygiene, you can be a bit limited with what’s okay to put in there.

Okay, so after thinking about it, if my relationship to my current genitals is anything like it’d be if I had a penis, I still maintain that I would find very creative, unusual, and clever ideas for getting myself off.

Yeah, looking at this thread leads me to believe self-pleasuring is a lot more interesting if you’re a girl… :P

As for me, if humping a bed counts as creative, that’s as creative as I’ve gotten…. >.<

@DominicX Interesting and complicated. Sometimes, I’d love for the ease and straightforwardness of simply jacking off.
@MissAnthrope Sure there’s hygiene now, but what about when you were a kid? Good lord, I stuck, like, half the lotions and potions I had in my bathroom up there when I was a kid in a vain attempt to break my hymen/cervix. Course, I never stuck a bleach bottle or any other cleaning product up there…

@worriedguy Fucking the banana yourself, or fucking a girl with it?

I’m pretty boring. Switching to the left hand is as adventurous as I’ve gotten – however, I have two good stories from college (looonng ago).

We had a similar conversation one day in our studio. One guy, “Ken” says he heats up a canteloupe in the microwave, cuts a whole in it and goes at it.

Other guy, “John” says, “Power sander.” We all stared at him, mouths agape. ”Without the sandpaper” he continues. He explained that he’d lay his little friend on a table, place the power sander on it, and turn it on.

@papayalily – No, I’m pretty boring in that regard, actually. I never did insert anything that I can remember. I had a kind of disconnect about my bits for a while.. rarely manually stimulated, never successfully inserted anything until I lost my virginity.. I’m not sure I ever did more than touch and prod out of curiosity.

I am, however, making up for lost time in my adulthood. ;)

I tried the bath faucet and shower head thing. I’ve actually successfully masturbated while driving using the steering wheel (don’t try this at home, kids). Arm chairs, couches, sinks (at work once or twice; actually broke a sink off the wall – oops).

I’m just going to leave it at that since I fear I have said too much.

@tragiclikebowie The running water of the sinks, or humping the edge? Was it at work that the sink broke off?

@papayalily Both, but usually the edge of the sink. I was at work when the sink broke off the wall; it was interesting to try to explain.

@tragiclikebowie You rock.

@papayalily :D

I’m not sure I want to know how you knew the sink was at work, @papayalily. Haha.

@tragiclikebowie – You are nowhere close to ‘too much’. ;)