It's your 50th birthday and your friend knows it. He says: "you look good for 40." Is this a compliment?

Why not just take it as a compliment, and move on. Humor is the flywheel of relationships.

I am curious as to the exact way it was worded. I think it’s a backhanded compliment. It’s a question of semantics. I think if the person were 50 and they said: you look good for 50 – that would be a compliment. Or: you look 40. Or even: you look good for 60.

My question is very specific.

No,because even if you do look good for 40, he still doesn’t give enough of a crap to memorize your age for your party!

That sounds like something stupid I would say, intending a compliment, and having it come out wrong. Yes, I think he/she meant it as a compliment. If you were turning 30 and your buddy said “you look good for 40”, that would be an insult.

Hell yes!! Pay him the $20.00 as you promised for doing so and get on with it!! XD

Take it how you want it.

Wasn’t he trying to crack a joke?

When I see my grandma I tell her she looks good for 30 even though she’s 82…. it’s meant to make her feel good and she laughs. If you don’t find it funny well… I guess everyones humor buttons are different.

@mrlaconic Yeah, but she knows it’s a joke – however, 10 years is much easier to think they actually are than 50 years.

@faye No. And he thinks he is correct, semantically speaking.

Do the Oh Well shrug and talk to him later about what he meant.

I think it was meant humorously, playing into some denial about the big 5–0.

I wouldn’t take it offensively.

It’s not like he pried your mouth open and told you, you were getting long in the tooth or made fun of your old man nose hair. haha

And just to put perspective on it, my mother used to tell everyone she was 10 years older than she really was! Everyone believed her and always commented her on how young/beautiful/etc. she looked. She played it up too. I only found out after she died and got a look at her driver’s liscence. It’s always cracked me up, and honestly, can you think of a cheaper way to look younger than you really are?

It sounds to me like he was trying to be funny. In any case, it is compliment; the text is saying that you look considerably younger than the average bear.

@snowberry The only problem is if you actually look older than you are – people might not be telling you how you look like you’re 10 years younger, but rather that you look exactly the age you claim to be.

BTW, Happy Birthday, Zen

Logicly, it would be a compliment. If he is saying you look good for 40, that means you look alot younger then 40, even though you are really 50. To be even more logical, I take it as being better than saying “look good for 50” because if he said that that means you look like your anywhere from 49 and younger, however if he states “you look good for 40”, that means you look anywhere from 39 and younger. Now, from me, I feel that this was said in any other way except to offend you. I am the clumsiest person in the world for words. I phrase words wrong, say peoples names wrong, and use incorrect verbs all the time.

I just counted about 4 sentences that I phrased weirdly on last post. Point proven.

Oh, I think it’s supposed to be a joke. It’s a very dumb one. and not especially nice. But I don’t think any harm was intended. Some things said in jest should have been left unspoken, but I think we all make stupid mistakes like that at one time or another. I would ignore it: say “Thanks, buddy” and move on.

Besides, Jean-Luc looks good for any age.

@Jeruba Yeah, he does

I interpret the comment as the setup to an attempt at a humorous compliment.

Him: “You look good for 40.”
You: “Actually, I’m 50.”
Him: “In that case, you look even better!”

It would be an insult to say “you look good for 60” because there are (typically) lower standards for being 60 than being 50. But saying that you look good by a stricter set of standards than those to which you are expected to be held (e.g., the standards of someone younger) is a compliment.

Well if theyre your friend why not just ask them?

It’s a compliment intended to be funny:)

To conclude: I am not 50. It’s not my birthday. Those who responded in any way other than @jdogg (who I think nailed it) didn’t really read the details or further explanation. It’s about wording, phrasing, semantics. The person, let’s say a friend, or at least someone who knows that it’s yur 50th birthday says, specifically (and then proceeds to be adamant about the correct phrasing): You look good for 40 (even though they know you’re really 50). It’s not meant as a joke, it’s not meant as a set-up for a joke. It’s meant as a compliment. It is not personal – it’s about language.

I think, and this is my opinion, that if you really want to compliment a 50 year old about his age – you say either “you look good for 50” or “you look like a 40 year old” or “you look as young as a 40 year old”. See where I’m confused?

By saying to someone who is older that they look good for a younger person – it is, in fact, some kind of back-handed compliment in the very least, an insult if the person isn’t a close friend. Say you told an 80 year old woman they looked good for 70 – does that sound like a compliment?

Again – I am unsure here. It’s about the preposition for, and the wording. Not the intent.

Jeruba?

@seazen I just read it with the emphasis on a different word, I guess. Tone can be hard to convey.

Yes. I think it’s even more of a compliment than “you look good for 50”. It means they’re saying the birthday-person looks more than 10 years younger than they really are. Regarding the exact phrasing, I think to say “You look like a 40-year-old” sounds a bit clunky and awkward, which is probably why the sentence was phrased that particular way. I can see nothing wrong with the actual grammar or semantics of the statement.

Why heck yes…

@seazen I did read the details and further explanation. I would suggest that instead of assuming people didn’t understand, you consider the possibility that they just disagree.

Words don’t have absolute semantics. They depend on context. The word “for” here can be interpreted in different ways if you really want to agonize over it, but I gave you what I think to be the most natural interpretation given the available details.

I can’t be positive, of course, because I don’t know his/her sense of humor or the way the comment was inflected, but here’s what I imagine it meant or at least what you should be content with what was meant: “You’d look younger even at a younger age.” Like the first comment in this thread put it—and put it so well—take it as a comment.

If it’s about the phrasing of the qualifier, I think that a limiting expression with “for” has the effect of undoing a compliment. I’m sure many don’t see it that way. But as soon as I hear “You sound really good for a 12-year-old” or “She’s pretty smart, for a girl” or “Those folks are pretty decent for a <name the ethnicity> family” or anything else of that nature, I hear it as taking back the compliment. The qualifier cancels it. So I don’t regard it as a true compliment no matter what the specific words say. The only mitigating factor is a humorous intent that is understood on both sides.

I grant you that this is a matter of personal opinion and that the possibility exists for a person to phrase a genuine compliment in these terms. I remain skeptical, however.

^ Agreed. Thanks – that’s what I was thinking too. However, I also agree with what @SavoirFaire and others have said, and I will take it under advisement. Thank you all.