Have you ever thought you were directly responsible for the suffering or injury of someone close to you?

I don’t think it was your fault. He knew what he was getting himself into when he agreed to go skiing. Perhaps you guys could have just agreed to split up for a bit, but he made his own choice to go down a slope he wasn’t ready for.

@Seaofclouds; thanks.. haha, I sure learned not to bring any noobs skiing now.. My last time skiing was 7 years ago, of course I didn’t remember the hills and how the easy was already pretty steep… But maybe I could have stopped him. I’ve learned my lesson.. haha..

I have often felt responsible for emotionally wounding others. In fact, I used to take responsibility for just about everything that hurt my wife. I always assumed I was at fault.

I think that some people, such as myself, have this tendency to blame ourselves for everything. It’s kind of megalomaniacal when you think about—taking responsibility for everyone else’s actions and mistakes and problems.

It is a symptom of low self esteem, too. You always figure you are the one who did the wrong thing, and never the other person. You think you can’t do much right, or you are always the one who makes the mistakes.

Well, we aren’t that powerful. There are other reasons why people get hurt that have nothing to do with us. In fact, in most cases, it has nothing to do with us and has mostly to do with the other person and the choices they made.

Did you force him to go skiing? Did you force him up on the mountain? Did you force him up the lift? By taking the blame, you are denying him his humanity; his own choices. Even if he were to blame you, that would be his problem. He would be denying his own choices in the matter.

You are not, I hate to tell you, the most powerful person in the universe (I am). People make their own choices, and it is the height of hubris to think we made them choose what they chose. Let other people be themselves and both you and they will be happier not playing codependent games.

As a child, I kept a secret of abuse at the pleading of the victims. I was only a kid myself, but I knew that telling the truth would be best but the victims said they would deny it. They didn’t want to hurt the abusers spouse whom they loved.
Later, there were more victims. Even now, I feel like if I would have been able to find the courage to share the secret, I could have saved other lives from being shattered.

I once, against my better judgement, allowed a visiting friends husband to ride my horse, who was very responsive and fast, not a ‘beginners’ horse.

My friends husband took him down my long driveway and then, turned him around and gave him the signal to take off by leaning forward and tensing for the takeoff.

He was not prepared for the rocket to launch and was left in the dust, my horse came galloping back up to the house riderless.

He was fine, a bit banged up but no serious injury.

I felt bad because I ignored my better judgement and was glad all was well when he could have been serously injured.

He did exclaim, in his usual enthusiastic way ’ WOW! Now THAT’S a fast horse!’ lol

Thanks for all the support. I did in fact know that I was not at fault… well okay, maybe I did feel a little at fault. But not entirely. My friend is also really nice guy, so he would never blame me either, probably one of the nicest people I know. Thanks all. :D

@noelleptc; awe, haha that’s very nice of that boy to be so considerate and make you feel better about the incident! And I think you may have read the details a bit wrong, it indeed was just my friend and I skiing. The daredevils are the ones I skiied with my first time. lol.