[NSFW] What do you do that makes you feel powerful during sex? [See details]?

Mmm, I don’t know that a specific act makes me feel powerful, and that’s satisfying all on it’s own. Rather, it makes me feel in control, which then helps me feel safe and able to do what I want. Which is why I’m usually the sexual aggressor, at least in the beginning.
Course, preforming oral on another person is a gigantic ego boost that’s insanely hot.

Huh? I don’t want nor need to feel powerful during sex. Intimacy is not about power. Is this a y chromosome thing?

I feel like none of this requires nitpicking it apart (even though, ordinarily, I’m all in favor of that kind of thing) – When I have sex, I just do it wildly, I don’t stop to think much…I suppose it makes me feel powerful to hear their moans, their eyes widen in response to my performing oral sex on them or surprising them by being a bit more aggressive than usual..I suppose I feel great on top but that’s not about power so much.

I prefer to be dominated. Being on top is enough “power” for me.

What power?

Sexuality is meant to be a mutual expression of love and affection not a a porn star ‘act’ to enhance ones egoic desires.

Focusing on ‘power’ and performance is NOT lovemaking.

Folks, this is a serious question in General and I’m not interested in jokes or being told you aren’t interested in answering it (while still answering it).

These are pretty personal questions lol…..But I’ve always felt powerful in dominant positions. Like getting fellatio while the woman is on her knees and I’m standing up, or doggystyle. It makes one feel powerful because the person is in a vulnerable position, plus you feel as if you’re being served in a way, as opposed to just being pleasured.

@psychocandy It is most certainly not a y chromosome thing. I would suggest you look up some of the old questions about why women like giving blow jobs.

@all—I would like you to consider what the big deal is about who is on top and who is on the bottom. Who is in control and who isn’t. Power relationships change during sex, but they are always there, even when you try to make it all equal. You wouldn’t be trying to make it equal if it weren’t an issue. And you wouldn’t be doing it if there were no reason for it.

What is that reason?

@Blackberry GA—that’s the kind of information I’m looking for.

I’m completely missing out on this question. I’ve never considered power having any place in sex or a relationship. Although the handcuffs and blindfold might make a difference.

Okay, well, I can’t answer the question of why power is arousing for some. But I guess the reason why I prefer to be dominated when it comes to lovemaking is because I pretty much “wear the pants” in our relationship. Not to the point where he’s “whipped”, but my needs and wants generally come first. For example, the only reason why we moved 400km from our hometown was for my schooling; he pretty much packed up and came along with me.

I have a pretty strong personality and am generally a leader type in relationships, school situations, workplace situations… I like to have my way, because I’m pretty convinced that my way is the best way. Being dominated and acting submissive in the bedroom is so far from what I’m like in my everyday life that it seems almost like I’m living another life for an hour or so. Relinquishing control is powerful in its own way!

I am serious as well.Physical strength means alot to me.

@all Power is a part of our lives, whether we like it or not. In a relationship, you have the power to stay, and the power to go. You desire the power to say “no” and have that be heard and respected. Power isn’t just about conquering lands and people – it’s simply about having control, and there’s nothing wrong with having a certain amount of control over yourself and your own body and your own life.

Again. Huh? Sex, for me, has nothing to do with power, ever. That is my answer to this question.

Sexual empowerment can means so many different things. All the way from light strokes with a feather on one’s body parts, dripping water on one’s breast, the art of position changes, etc.

Sexual empowerment should be a form of love…. if you truly care for a person you want them to feel satisfaction from the act. Sexual empowerment allows your special other to feel secure and happy with the whole process. You allow them to be creative… to the point where it’s a form of art. The whole process is sexual empowerment for two human beings that are very sensitive to the feelings and needs of the other.

Sexaul empowerment can be a beautiful and wonderful thing if both people have the same mind set, in that, it’s an expession of one love for their soul mate by allowing them to feel free and totally in control. It should be for both partners….not just for one.

@Cruiser

No doubt. lol

Of course sex is FUN too, but..getting hung up on power and performance is not healthy, it is inhibiting. You cannot possibly be fully present with your partner if your mind is all about what your next move is going to be.

@lucillelucillelucille I’d love it if you could give me any insight on why physical strength is important for you and how it enhances your sexual experience.

@BoBo1946 Very well thought through and helpful answer.

@Coloma I think people can get hung up on power and performance, and I agree that isn’t healthy, but I also think that people often play with power in a way that enhances their experience. It’s mostly play, and doesn’t necessarily extend anywhere beyond the sexual arena, as is described in @Seelix answer.

As to thinking about your next move—again, I agree. But I don’t see how that is relevant to my question. Power is usually expressed quite naturally without people even ever thinking about it. I’m just asking people to delve into it a bit, to see if they can help me understand it better.

There is huge difference between love as an art form as opposed to just “sex!” Making love is about two people caring and being in tune to the other in totality. A woman has certain needs that are much more than just “sex!” A man has certain needs that should be allowed to be expressive and with spontaneity. There should be a total freedom for both partners. That, to me, is sexual empowerment in the highest form.

@wundayatta -It is a complete turn on and then there is stamina.I would never be with someone I could take in a wrestling match XD

@wundayatta

I see what you mean. yes, I would say that ‘power’ for me has always been expressed very naturally.

One memory comes to mind, a person I was involved with a few years ago.

One evening we were kicking around my house and I was scampering around ( it was mid-summer) in a skimpy little nighty with nothing on underneath. ;-)

I was sitting across the room from him on a bench when I spontaneously spread my legs and gave him a ‘peek’. It was perfect…talk about ‘give a dog a bone’. hahahaha

He nearly fell over scrambling to get to me. ;-)

I guess I can admit , in that moment, I did feel a sense of seductive ‘power’ but it was the result of an uncontrived act, minus egoic motive.

Needless to say, that was the night my bedroom spontaneously ‘combusted’ during a passionate moment with burning candles.

Sort of gave a whole new meaning to ‘the burning bed.’ lol

I think people enjoy playing with power and like to feel powerful, whether it’s having your way with someone or having the power to make someone feel awesome pleasure. But I don’t know how much others play with this or are aware of it or even agree it is a factor in love making.

Also, I think I feel a little guilty about it still. I love to look down and see a woman using her mouth to make me feel good, and I’d love to see her eyes looking up adoringly. However in my relationship, this almost always happens in the dark.

I also like the idea of a woman feeling so much pleasure that she clamps her thighs on my head and starts humping my face in an uncontrolled manner. It’s like having the power to give someone mind-blowing pleasure that makes them completely lose any inhibitions they might have. To release them into ecstasy. It is a thrilling power and it is a fantastic turnon.

I can see where some people don’t enjoy power play during sex. I personally think it’s really hot. In terms of this question, it really kind of depends on my partner and our dynamic. In recent memory, it’s made me feel powerful (and great!) when I was essentially teasing and pleasuring someone, knowing I was turning her on more and more, knowing exactly where she wanted my mouth but denying it on purpose, to drive her wild. I kissed and touched and was very sensual in any way but what she wanted.

After a while, she was quivering with desire and I found that incredibly empowering. I love that feeling, knowing that you control the person’s pleasure, knowing that they desire you so much they can barely help themself.. that’s hot.

I think there is a difference between feeling powerful and using power. Prowess could make one feel powerful. Giving directions could make one feel powerful. Feeling comfortable with yourself and your sexuality can feel powerful. Being on top, or in control, or pleasing your partner can all make you feel empowered or powerful.

Personally, I like it, when I can say, “take your clothes off,” and they do.

[Mod says] Just a reminder that this question is posted in General, so any unhelpful or off-topic responses not directly addressing the question at hand will be removed. Please try to focus on the original question, which is: What do you do that makes you feel powerful during sex?

Spanks.

LOL! Sorry.

I think that NEEDING to feel powerful during sex can be an indication of a percieved lack of power in some significant aspect of one’s daily life. I have also known several women who were in positions of great responsibility at their work, and who wanted to be submissive in the extreme during sex.

Perhaps an abdication of sorts?

Since I don’t feel the need during sex to make myself feel powerful, perhaps that means… what? ... that I don’t need to compensate somehow?

@CaptainHarley – It can be, absolutely. Not all submissives or dominants fit the profile, but often enough, you find that the role a person fills in power exchange roleplay is a reflection on who they are, day-to-day. This is why so many high-powered businessmen book dominatrix sessions, and why your women friends like being on the controlled end of the spectrum.

I have control issues, myself, thanks to my mom who is a major control freak. It’s made me have an insane amount of self-control and self-compartmentalization, and has made me fiercely protective of my independence. I feel panic when I don’t have control of things, of myself, my behaviors, etc. It’s also very difficult for me to let go of this need for control.

This is why, for me, being intimate with someone who is naturally dominant, who can top me and forcefully seize that control from me.. that is the biggest turn-on ever. It’s not something I give up willingly and it takes a certain kind of dominant, but when I finally surrender my control, it’s the most blissful, freeing, and physically arousing experience.

I can see where that might be the case for quite a number of people @MissAnthrope , but I have tried several times to lean to the dominant side for someone I cared about, only to feel as though the role had to be forced. I suppose I am doomed to vanilla. : )

I’d rather be controlled than in control. In some odd way that makes me feel in control… I really don’t know how to explain that.

Of course, @JustJessica , “control through submission” is a very real power.

Thank you @CaptainHarley , I had no idea.

It took me a really long time to lose my virginity. I was more or less a “late bloomer” in that department and because of my nature, I assumed I would be very timid and passive in a sexual situation. Despite all of my badass talk on Fluther, I am really a somewhat shy and low-key person in real life, though I do have very high confidence, so I don’t see it as a bad thing.

That said, when I finally started having sex and got over my awkwardness and anxiety issues I had about it, I found out that I’m very dominant in the sack. Frighteningly dominant, because I assumed that I would be timid and submissive like I sometimes am in other situations. I go to the extent that @Blackberry does, in terms of actual techniques and such, but I quickly learned that I also have a thing for growling, biting (as in enough to cause pretty serious bruising), blindfolding, spanking, restraining, and so on. I do like being dominated myself quite a bit, but in the end, I’m usually the one who is doing most of the rough, take charge stuff. Lucky for me, every girl I’ve been with has responded very positively, so I’m okay with it, and I obviously wouldn’t do any of that stuff if my partner didn’t want to.

I don’t blame it on any personal defect or anything like that. It isn’t because I “don’t feel powerful or in control in other aspects of my life” and I’m definitely not compensating for anything. It’s just who I turned out to be, and I’m actually pleasantly surprised with it.

I feel beautiful during sex. That makes me feel powerful. My boyfriend is the more dominant one during sex but I know exactly how to drive him wild which is powerful in itself and, of course, he knows how to do the same for me. I don’t see a problem with a little power during sex providing there is plenty of trust to go with it.

Being a sub makes me feel powerful – because I’m clearly so sexy that the other person has to dominate me in order to feel some sort of control, as they obviously are so turned on by me that they feel totally out of control and have to do anything to regain it.

Giving oral, without a doubt.

I really enjoy having sex with the lights on. I work hard to maintain my appearance, so I enjoy putting a little peep show into my experience. If I am on top, which I like to be, I show my pleasure distinctly through facial expressions and exaggerated (but not faked) touching of my body while I am riding my partner. I often resist acknowledgment of their observance of my dramatic display, which seems to be a big turn-on. This makes me feel powerful and also increases my pleasure because I am enjoying myself too.

Besides that, I thoroughly enjoy giving head and have some pretty interesting techniques that have left my partner quite satisfied.

Swallowing the “reward” HAS to be THE most powerful act of sex. :)

I equate power in this situation with strength and being capable. Power to me is what I can do to her with regard to how much pleasure I can bring to her. When I see her respond by the way she squirms or the noises she makes that pleases me most and I feel powerful because of what I’m capable of. I feel powerful when she pushes her own limits in what she will do for me. This is powerful in that I please her and make her feel comfortable enough to bring these responses to me.