Should I tell my exboyfriend I slept with someone else?

Are you wanting to hurt him? Because if you tell him this, he’ll be really hurt. Since you have no intention of getting back together with him, I’d keep it to myself.

@chyna: I definitely would not want to hurt him just for the sake of hurting him, but I’m wondering if maybe it would be less painful for him in the long term… this way he could just be mad at me instead of pining and wishing we could get back together.

If you think you’re going to sleep with him again, then tell him. If not, I wouldn’t sweat it. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him in this case… but make sure he won’t find out from someone else, that’d be another reason to tell him for sure.

I don’t think it’s necessary to tell him that. He obviously cares about you and I understand you want to make it clear you’re not interested in getting back together, but there’s other ways of doing that.

What you did after the breakup was outside your relationship. If your topic for tonight is making it clear to him that you are not getting back together, focus on that and leave extraneous stuff out of it. Total honesty within a relationship is a good policy; but your relationship is over—right?

Leave it alone and don’t look back!

Telling him isn’t necessary since you’re no longer in a relationship with him. Unless you plan on getting back together – and from your details, it doesn’t seem like you do. Don’t tell him simply because you don’t want to deal with his attempts to get back together with you. Just tell him, calmly and nicely, that that isn’t something you’re interested in anymore.

nah, i wouldnt.

NO

It would only cause unnecessary problems,

and…..

What happen while you were not exclusive is none of his business

Better left unspoken.

I would not tell him that.

Why hurt someone you once cared for?

Leave it alone. If he wants to get back together, make it clear you’re done.

Don’t tell.

If he is upset about breaking up with you, the pain won’t be any less if you tell him what you’ve done. He’ll just wonder about that as well as wondering about why you broke up.

Meet with him. Tell him honestly and clearly and firmly why you don’t want to be in a relationship with him any more. Do not say “I hope we can be friends.” Do not offer him anything that you think might console him. That’s just your guilt.

Be a woman. Suck it up. Tell him why and don’t try to soften it. Everything else is irrelevant.

It’s hard to break up, even if you’re the one doing the breaking. You feel guilty, usually. You don’t like being the bearer of bad news. But woman up and do it. No apologies. No softening the blow. His feelings are his, and it is his job to deal with them, not yours.

If he reaches out later for friendship and you want to do that, then wait for him to reach out. If you don’t want friendship, then don’t reach out and if he reaches out to you, tell him you don’t want to be his friend, either. Be honest and clear. That is the way to minimize pain.

Very good answer @wundayatta

Plus, you are not in a new relationship with this fling, you just had sex with him. It is not like you need to let your ex know not only is it over, but you are seeing someone else. I cannot see a reason to tell him.

What you did since the break up is not your ex boyfriend’s business. Just be honest with him about not wanting to get back together. Don’t tell him you slept with someone else.

Nobody in a breakup deserves “closure”.
“Closure” attempts are actually just attempts at continuing the relationship on some level.

No talk is better than closure talk. You should be firm that you are done with him.
If he wants one final phone conversation to know you are done with him, then do that on the phone. (A real phone, not a cell phone. Communication is not possible on cell phones). But no more! And certainly don’t waste your time meeting him in person.

And do not tell him about the quickfuck. That’ll only break his heart twice at the same time. Just be firm and that’s that, and forget the other details.

If he doesn’t let you get off the phone after a 20 minute talk, then hang up and never talk to him again.

@Kraigmo You are right that no one deserves closure. That’s not why you have the talk. And yes, closure talks can be attempts to fix things. But you don’t have to worry about that. If you are firm, then a closure talk can be very helpful. It can convince the other person you mean it; that there’s a reason for it; and that there’s nothing that can be done about it. It helps the other person accept that it is over.

Without that talk, the other person might be wondering if things are possible to fix. They might start calling and wheedling and whatever. Maybe even stalking.

I think the closure talk can be very helpful to both people, if done right. If done improperly, I suppose no talk is better, but no talk leaves it unclear as to whether the door is open or not. A closure talk firmly closes the door in a way everyone understands.

How could we possibly know that revealing this information will make it better ‘in the end’? We can’t so let’s just keep it clean and to the break up and how we don’t want to get back together.

I disagree that closure talks are all about trying to get back together. When I was an unconfident younger overly nice guy. I wanted a closure talk so I could know what behavior was unacceptable or overbearing. If the person really didn’t want to be together or I didn’t want to be with them I needed to analyze the behavior for myself. The 2–3 closure talks I had helped me because the more confident slight loon/asshole that I have the ability to be today.

Well unless you want him telling people that you are a hooee, then I wouldn’t tell him… Just tell him that you do not feel the same way and that you think you should both move on… and try not to sleep with too many peolple…

I can’t think of any positive helpful reason for telling him this and unless can put one up here I would not do it.

@wundayatta and @jlelandg got me to thinking my answer was too extreme. My answer stems from the fact that so many people resist breakups, that they’ll crave any attention, even negative attention, over being left alone. Thus, the constant closure talks, etc.

I still think more than 1 post breakup talk is generally a bad idea, though.

Since you weren’t dating him when this happened, you have no obligation to tell him.