Parents how do you handle it with your kids when you are having a really rough time?

I think that saying that you are basically OK, but feeling sad right now is the best and most reassuring thing to do.

I often worry about this now that my son is growing up; they become more aware don’t they. I’ve feel that I could hide how I’m feeling to some degree, (this isn’t intentional..I think it’s just that he doesn’t understand a lot of it…) although he responds to my moods, so if I’m particularly stressed or angry with myself, my son is hard work and needy..just at the time when I could do with him being an angel! When I’m sad he occasionally gives me a hug, but if I’m crying he tends to stay away or perhaps even ignore it.. I just don’t think he knows how to deal with it or understand… he is only four though… and I don’t expect him to.

At the moment though I try not to hide my feelings from him, because I think it’s important for him to see that emotions and feelings are necessary and we shouldn’t hide them but feel them, talk them through, embrace them…and sometimes we need others to help…or just to cry… or to hit a pillow…When he’s old enough I’ll probably talk to him about some stuff but I think ultimately it depends what the feelings are.

As a parent I think it’s really hard to balance embracing your own feelings and life whilst taking care of someone else’s…but a necessary lifelong lesson.

There is a fine line between honesty and too much honesty. You don’t wnt your kids to feel insecure or like they have to take care of you; on the other hand, they can see when you are unhappy. I think something along the lines of what @marinelife is saying is right – you can tell them that you are sad or upset and if it is appropriate what it is about, but that you will be o.k. My kids are adults but even with them, I will tell them if I down, but try not to dwell on it or make them feel responsible for fixing it (the way my mother did to me.)

I would embrace this tough time as a teachable moment for you and them. Yes….buckle down and put on that happy face. You have children and they in themselves are a true gift and there is always something about them that you can highlight to get through the day with a smile. A lot depends on their age but it just might be time to build a fort out of the couch cushions and have a PBJ picnic.

For me, it depends on the age. When my son was a baby, I would try not to be sad in front of him because the few times it did happen, I could tell it affected him. He would cry if I was crying and it made things a bit harder. As he got older, I’d say a little bit, but not to much. Something like “mommy will be okay, I just don’t feel good right this minute and need to rest a little while you play” if I was sick or “mommy is just a little sad right now, but I’ll be ok”. My son is 8 now and this past year, he’s seen me get sad and mad due to the deployment. Now, I just talk to him about it. One because he’s older and can understand a little bit more and, two, because he had the same feelings I did from time to time. If something came up that made me miss my husband and made me feel sad, I was honest with my son and would just say “I miss daddy”. If I got angry, I would say “I’m just upset that daddy isn’t here” or something like that. Often, he would then share his feelings to and we would talk to each other about them at my son’s level. I didn’t go into any further details from what he would understand though.

I’m the type of person that no matter how I’m feeling, I will push on with what I need to do. The only exception to that is when I’m really sick and I just can’t do things (like when I had the swine flu in 2009). As long as I’m physically able to carry on, I will.

Depends on what kind of rough time are you talking about. There is divorce, financial hard times and unemployment and illness and death. It really depends on the age of the child and their maturity level.

I don’t have kids.
Is it possible to have someone watch your kids for the day? Sometimes you really need to take care of yourself. You have the right to a melt down once in awhile. I can’t imagine that bottling up your emotions is good for your kids, in the long run. Would you ever tell your children they shouldn’t be kind to themselves?

It was very necessary for me to allow myself alone time so neither child would dwell on my issues. It didn’t always work, but it helped. I would tell them I was having a bad day, and maybe it was best to give me some time alone. Or. I would have a structured activity for them, to occupy their time.

Later in the day we might have a brief discussion about what was going on, but we tried not to dwell on it.

I remember telling my son that Mommy is really feeling bad now, but we have Grandma and Grandpa to help, and I love that I have you here with me.