I met a nice guy on a dating site about a month ago.....I am not sure that I believe in dating several men at a time. I would like exclusivity... Is it too soon to walk away?

You’ve been bagged, hook, line and sinker.
Unless you want to be gutted and devoured, I would suggest you (at the very least) continue to date others as long as he is.
It doesn’t mean there is no future, but if you are exclusive while he’s playing the field you are setting the groundwork for future heart ache. You are giving up your power.
When my husband and I were first dating the situation was similar. He actually said ” I don’t want you to date anyone else but I still want to.”
I just laughed and said, ” you’re kidding right? As ling as you’re dating other people I will be too!”
After the first time he called and I told him I couldn’t talk because I was getting ready for a date, he decided that exclusivity was alright.
That was 20 years ago and he is the most loyal, amazing guy in the world. He respected that I respected myself enough to not give up my power. Allowing yourself to wait around until it’s your turn will do the opposite of what you want.
If your end game is a loving committed relationship, show him you value yourself. Don’t start your relationship being a doormat.

I agree with @Judi unless you stick up for youself in the beginning he will feel he has the upper hand at all times. If he can do it so can you start dating and make sure he knows you are. Good Luck

If you have sex with him you are also doing it with all the other women he is with.
On one hand, it is good that he is telling the truth about his activities and making it clear he’s not ready for exclusivity. On the other hand, your needs are different from his.
Save yourself a lot of pain and listen to @Judi .(She didn’t get all that lurve for nothing.)

Any man who expects a woman to remain faithful while he sleeps around is stuck in some sort of time warp. We’re partners, not property.

Whether he expects you to be faithful to him or whether it’s a condition you’re imposing on yourself (for whatever reason), you’re letting him have all the control in the relationship.

He says he just got out of a relationship and that’s why he doesn’t want anything exclusive? I call bullshit. I don’t care who you are or how recently you’ve gotten out of a relationship. When you meet the right person, it’s the right person. People break up existing relationships because they meet someone with whom they’re more compatible.

You might really like him, but it really sounds like he just wants to use you to fill up his dance card.

I wouldn’t ‘touch’ a newly broken up/ divorced man with a 10 foot pole.

Major red flag!

Anyone that cannot take space between relationships/and/or is on the rebound, is a very poor choice for any healthy relating.

I have not dated the last couple of years because I am unsure if I even WANT a relationship at this time.

When I do date I have strict rules.

No rebounders.

I will not even consider dating anyone that is less than a couple years out of a LT relationship/marriage.

I see those ( men & women ) that cannot be alone with themsleves and take space between relationships as needy and unstable.

Make no mistake about it…if you are expecting this guy to ‘change’ if you are patient enough, and are overlooking the right NOW of what he is communicating to you, well…you have work to do too.

Chronic rebounding is a sign of many unresolved emotional problems and addictive love, NOT the recipe for a solid foundation with another.

Look at it this way…from purely a place of character and integrity which are tantamount to good partnering…this guy is essentially saying..” I have no problem USING other people to meet MY needs.”

Really?

Think long and hard about this, if you’re a gambling type, go for it, but don’t cry in your Corn Flakes when you get exactly what this guy is telling you he WON’T deliver.

Stick to your guns. You said no sex without monogamy – don’t let him change your mind. That shows him he has the power to influence you and puts you in a weaker position. If it too hard being with him because of the chemistry, tell him you need to back off from seeing him so frequently until he has worked through some of his issues and commit.

All of the advice above is great!

Listen to what this guy is saying to you:

1. He just got out of a relationship he is not over emotionally.
2. He wants to keep dating—and sleeping—with other women.

You are in a different place.

Tell him so, and tell him you can’t continue to see him, because you like him too much to do so under his conditions.

Then break it off. If he really wants you, he will come after you.

@gilbertwoman If he’s not ready to commit and you are, this is not the right relationship. He might be a great guy, but the way he’s handling your relationship shows an immaturity that’s not going to go away any time soon. At the same time… you have many e-mails on a dating site? If you were as committed as you think you are, you wouldn’t be checking your mail on any site. I don’t know that you’re as ready to be exclusive as you think you are. Maybe its time to take a long, hard look at what you really want and if you’re trying to shove this square peg guy into your round relationship hole.

@Coloma Your ideas about “rebound” have probably done you out of worthwhile relationships with people who can handle commitment. There’s a difference between not being able to handle being alone and wanting to move on. You might want to think about it.

I’m curious. Is he actually going out with other women? When does he have time? How often are you together? Does he sleep with other women? Have you slept with him? What happened in his last relationship? Who broke up with whom?

You see, if he feels really burnt by the last women, he may be doing what a lot of people do: saying they don’t want to get seriously involved with anyone else. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t getting seriously involved with you. If he’s pretty much always available to you, then his going out with others may be theoretical. He’s just saying what he thinks he needs to do even though his heart tells him otherwise.

On the other hand, he might have serious trust issues. He may have serious self-esteem issues. This past relationship may have left him questioning his ability to relate to anyone, and he may be pulling back and just having “fun.” It’s not really fun because he’s running away from his pain and seeking to cover it over with sex. That won’t help him in the long run although it may feel fun now.

But it seems to me that if you guys have a pretty intense connection. If you are feeling it, then he is probably feeling it, too. Of course, that may scare him. Intimacy can be very scary, especially to those who have been burned.

If he has trust and intimacy issues, then you have to decide how much you want to put up with. You have to decide whether he is theoretically not exclusive or he is acting on his word. We don’t even know your story, either—what issues you may be bringing to the table. What is your relationship to your father? To past boyfriends? Have you, in the past, been involved with men who may or may not be available?

If he is playing you, then everyone else’s advice is fine. But if there is more to the story, perhaps the advice would be different.

@gilbertwoman You see why we love this guy? ^ (above) He comes at it from a totally different perspective. Looks like you have some homework to do.

@klutzaroo

I disagree.

Most rebounders are driven by anxiety and desperation and fear.

People running into the arms of another after leaving 5, 10, 20 year relationships are making up for lost time and acting out of their own selfish needs.

For every one that IS ready to be completely available in all aspects there are 50 that are not.

The fact is, most people are completley crazy the first year or two after a LTR breakup.

I prefer to err on the side of caution.

I call it wisdom and maturity.

I would date others and not wait around for him to make up his mind about you.

Wait…..you said “I really feel that going out with others will distract me from him…” Um, if he’s really, truly all that great you shouldn’t find yourself distracted, just busy. If you DO find yourself distracted, it will be for a good reason—You’ve met someone even better.

Do NOT set the tone of “I will do anything for you, and you don’t have to do anything for me.” You will regret it for the rest of your life.

@Dutchess_III

Par excellence, That last sentence!

Thanks @Coloma….and too many women do exactly that. Some men too, but mostly women. Those are some miserable relationships! One person is perfectly happy and content, oblivious to his or her S/O’s misery…..and totally shocked when the S/O files for divorce “out of the blue.”

@Dutchess_III

Yep, I did that ONCE, and only once, and it ended exactly as you say!
When the ‘sacrificing’ party wakes up, there is hell to pay. lol

Aaah, the joys of maturity! ;-)

Here’s the thing – I feel like people haven’t mentioned that the problem may not be so much where he is, but where you are.

You don’t believe in dating several men at the same time, but you really like this guy. What you have to figure out is not whether or not you should continue dating him, but whether or not you’re willing to go out and get some for yourself. Have you considered dating someone else?

There’s no need to give up what you have if you let go of the idea that you only want to date one man at the same time. In fact, and it’s unfortunate to say, but you dating others may be the catalyst for him to realize what he has. We’re all emotional children in some way or another – and it doesn’t doom a relationship when jealousy is the motivation for someone realizing they want to commit.

Are you really afraid that if he calls and you say, “I’m getting ready for a date,” that you’ll never hear from him again?

If he does – there’s your answer, I say. You have a date to get ready for, anyway…;-)

@gilbertwoman Come back and talk to us! I hate it when strangers jump on like this, ask a question that everyone is concerned about…then disappears!!

Wonder what really happened in his last break up? Was he unfaithful? I agree with the others that he is yanking your chain. He hasn’t asked you to be exclusive, but you are. He is dating/having sex with others, you are just sitting there waiting for him to call. He has it all, without giving a thing to you, has made it more than clear that he isn’t giving you anything, yet you are there for him.

@Coloma Your definition of “rebound” and how long people are “on it” is still something that you might want to reconsider. Hard and fast rules based more on assumptions and stereotypes screw you over more than you know. Choosing, or not choosing, relationships based on stereotypes is hardly something that anyone can call wise or mature.

@klutzaroo

I agree in general, being open, every situation having it’s own unique twist etc, etc.
BUT..I am speaking from experience which trumps possibility.

In my experience and those of many I know, we have learned that it is not a good idea.

Possibility vs. probability, and the probability is much higher than the possibility that it’s not a savvy choice.

I prefer to date someone on the far side of dazed and confused and crazy wild, I’m free! lol

I think you should date other people and NOT sleep with this man. See him some if you like. He was honest and stood by what he wants; you should do the same. Don’t sleep with a bunch of people at the same time. At the end you’ll feel like a slut and probably be alone. Respect yourself.