Has anyone shaped your life by being a bad example?

Yeah….my best friend Mike L. He taught me how to not be so damn good all the time! He taught me the joys of skitching on City Buses in the winter, how to weld bongs out of Schedule 40 steel pipe…how to trespass and many other joys in life that I probably should have been arrested for. Had we not met….I would have been an Eagle Scout or clergyman or dentist or something droll (in my book…no offense meant to people of the cloth and tooth specialists here)

@cruiser Are you answering this question? Because it sounds like you were just like him, not that you differentiated yourself from him. Maybe this question was too hard after all that partying.

I do not plan to be like my mother when I am old.

I won’t look down at (and talk loudly about) my caretakers. I won’t order people around if they take more than two seconds to do something for me.

I will be especially kind to those who are supposed to be closest to me by blood and love.

@6rant6 No I was really a lily white goody 2 shoes before I moved into our new house. He opened up a whole new world of high jinks and shenanigans I at that age would have never dreamed of doing! It wasn’t just getting stoned either….we really pushed the envelope of normal teenage angst. I am lucky to be alive because of a few of them….but I would do it all over again. We had a blast together….literally! XD

I, too, see my mother as a bad example in many ways. Her narcissism has made me see and fight against narcissistic tendencies of my own.

@janbb and @marinelife : Were we triplets separated at birth? My true sisters! I’ve found you at last!

Yep, I owe that honor to my uncle. Long story short, he was brilliant, which was, in fact, most of his problem. He had a Phd in literature and all of his professors touted him as one of the most intelligent students they had ever taught. However, he never quite fit into the the normal societal niches that most of use eventually find (ironically, partly because of that big brain of his). He did, however, find his niche in life as a drunkard, part time pool hustler, and general nare-do-well.

He died in a car wreck on Christmas day in the early 80’s. He was a passenger, so it wasn’t a suicide. However, he knew he was going to die (one attribute of that brain of his was he was quite psychic, to the point of being able to tell you with astounding accuracy the order of cards in a deck as you turned them over, but ironically it seemed to work best when he had a blood alcohol level that would kill your average elephant). He gave me his guitar the night before.

He remains an enigmatic example for me, both positive and negative.

Yes. My dad, my aunt, and my grandmother… And kind of my mom.

My grandmother – She’s a nasty old hate filled woman who has nothing to talk about except murder, rape, and death.

My aunt – She walks around with this “I hate men and relationships are stupid” mentality. She’s mean to random couples if she she’s them showing affection.

My dad – He’s a deadbeat drunk. Who now after I’m 18 wants a relationship.

My mom – She’s miserable because she listened to my family and didn’t follow her dreams.

I don’t want to end up like any of them. I love them, but no.

My father. I do not want to be the same kind of parent he was. My mother to some degree, too.

This is becoming kind of a New Year’s catharsis for everybody. Not a bad thing, IMHO.

I too have tried to be not-my-mother. It is difficult but doable.

@JilltheTooth I knew it! Welcome to the sisterhood.

There are times when I try not to be my father. Recently, I was in a situation where, rather than hiding my true intentions and manipulating someone, I just let out what was in my head. Pretty benign stuff, but boy did I get put in my place!

I do not want to be like my paternal grandmother when I get old. She is so negative and unappreciative – honestly, I haven’t heard anything nice or positive come out of her mouth in years. She even complains about my dad, who runs his ass off taking care of his parents.

She talks about people behind their back, hoping you will tell them – essentially doing the dirty work for her. You know what she thinks of you but she doesn’t have to face you. I stopped going to her house because of this – I don’t want to hear her talk shit about my mom, dad, grandpa and maternal grandparents.

I also try to not be like my mom. She was pretty negative.

The obvious answer is in fact one of my parents, my mom. How did you know? She is selfish, heartless, lazy, and very morbid. I knew since I was a little kid that I was already turning into her ( at the time I only realized selfishness, and laziness ) I didn’t like that and made a promise to myself that I would not grow up to be like her. A couple years later I realized how heartless she was and knew I was turning heartless too. Overtime I got myself to stop acting so heartless. I am still heartless towards many things but I treat them with care. About a couple months ago I saw how morbid she was and I am now working to make myself not morbid.

@daytonamisticrip You say you act, “Heartless”. What does that look like?

I used to be such a jerk and not care about people’s feeling but at least now I don’t act that way even though I feel that way.

@daytonamisticrip I told my kids, “A brave man does what needs to be done. It’s not that he’s not afraid that makes him brave, but acting in spite of being afraid that makes him brave.”

I suppose it’s the same with acting nice. It takes more balls to act nice when you don’t feel it than it does when you do. And if we all did it.. well you can do the math.