Am I being irrational?

Weird I have a friend just like that too. I think you are not being irrational. I actually shut my BFF out of my life because she got on my nerves and was not around at a time a needed her most. Now I just keep it alive so I don’t hurt her feelings…nice me.

Eventually other people will begin to see what you see. Be patient. That is if your assessment is correct.

You aren’t being irrational. I’ve been in situations like that before, but they will usually work themselves out in a bit. Sit tight, your true-blue friends will come around, I’m sure of it.

There is nothing irrational in your feelings. Fortunately, there seem to be few people like this who are manipulative with a dash of evil. My recommendation is to stay true to your instincts, and steer clear of their game while keeping your opinions to yourself. In my experience with this type of person, your other friends will eventually experience it themselves and understand why you put a bit of distance between yourself and this ‘friend’.

Try to think of her not as a friend, but as just someone you know, and not as a friend,as she’s proven herself to be superficial. She will probably prove this side of herself to others, but maybe not, as many people have different expectations of friendships.

People like this are usually charismatic and self-absorbed, oblivious to the needs of others. They have a knack of cultivating hangers-on on order to feed their egos.

In a way yes you are being irrational. You once adored this friend and now for various reasons you don’t. You have attached yourself to this old friends new popularity and letting it bother you in the process. So what if other people like her? So what if she is brought up in conversations. I detect a bit of jealousy and IMO let go of her and the past. You can’t change it, or her or others that now like her. Let go of these thoughts and move on….life is too short to waste your energy on things you cannot change.

I know someone just like this. It’s frustrating – when you’ve got ideas about a person that turn out to be untrue. It’s hurtful too. Fair-weather friends aren’t worth your energy though. Things will turn around, sooner rather than later no doubt.

I don’t care who likes her what I care about are my friends and her being around. I want to separate myself from her drama and I can’t since she is now connected to my other friends. No jealousy, they can hang with her all they want – but she’s done me wrong so many times I just don’t want to be involved in her life anymore. It’s a lot easier said than done to not be upset, my friends are dear to me and I don’t wanna have to “deal” with someone else while I’m trying to relax with them. I don’t know, maybe I’ll just get used to it eventually.

Thanks for all the advice everyone…

Do you think that if you phase her out of your life your friends will continue to hang out with her instead of you? At least until they see the real her? That would be a tough situation, and not because of jealousy – no one wants to lost their friends.

No, I don’t think they will hang out with her instead of me… I just miss having the escape with them. I just want to have fun but when she is there I just can’t… I guess I could make separate plans but I miss just not having to worry about her showing up.

@Kokoro, it shows a lot of emotional maturity to not want to bad-mouth her to your friends. And you must be doing a good job of masking your indifference that she hasn’t picked up on it.

Sometimes people who start out as friends move into being better acquaintances once you get to know each other well or you accept you are good friends for limited contact or activities.

Your friends don’t belong to you.

You aren’t being irrational, but these friends who idolize this woman will continue to do so until she disappoints or betrays them too. But since you cared more, the other people may never end up feeling betrayed or disappointed. I’ve had a friend like that too, and it was awful to find out that I had been manipulated by her (to believe that I mattered to her) then to find out that she was on to the next person who was more important (money or influence-wise) than I was. When she got a little bit of money, she moved away from me like I was a hot rock and then started hanging only with people who had money and influence. That was what she really wanted. I was just a “fun” person to hang out with until the money and the influential people rolled in.

There’s nothing you can do about the other friends. If you try to explain to them what is really going on, they are likely to look at you as some sort of fool. Unless they too get betrayed by her, you will have to accept that they idolize her.