What would you do if your parents never approved/liked the person you're dating?

It is just because of his race. There are no other reasons. They don’t know anything about him and if I try to tell them more about him…I will barely get a word in because they don’t want me talking about him.

If it is because of race then they are just going to be like that. I just watched a show last night where a character revealed herself as gay and the parents were making a big deal about how they need to “fix it” because of all the hopes and dreams that they had for their daughter. So maybe in your situation the problem they have is something like that… they have an ideal image for you. Unfortunately, they don’t have any control over who you are attracted to.

I’ve tried to do that before and my parents just act like children either by yelling and/or completely ignoring whatever I’m trying to tell them. They will not listen, period.

Hmmm, sort of tricky. If you’re under 18, they may not be thrilled at all about anyone who dates their daughter. If you’re certain the animosity is racially based, your parents are disgusting people. If uncertain of that assertion, they may just not like the thought of someone being sexually involved with their daughter. Sounds unfair, but as a parent I can relate.

If you’re over 18, you can do whatever the hell you like. If my parents disapproved of someone I loved, I would easily choose my lover over my parents. The parents need to learn how to be mature in that case.

@Aubs427 I’ve watched this from inside of a family. My mother has never approved of a single person my sister has dated or married. My sister has never had a successful relationship because she caters to my mother. If she had stood up for herself and flipped my mother the bird she would have been much better off. My mother will be in her 70’s shortly and she has never changed a bit. Draw your own conclusions. (My father died a long time ago)

I had discussions about this with my boyfriend and he said that he wishes we could do it completely right (having both sides of the family approve, then getting married through church). But, because of my parents beliefs; that ideal way isn’t going to happen. And, yes I am over 18. I am 21.

My boyfriend told me that if they couldn’t/can’t come to terms with us; he isn’t going to let that stop us. It saddens me that my parents are this judgmental.

I can’t even wear the promise ring he got me in front of my mom because she thinks it is “disrespectful”.

@Aubs427 Saddens me to see these situations. I guess it comes down to whose life are you living?

Your parents are idiots. I know it sucks, but you should distance yourself from them and explain exactly why. You have to be your own person. That’s the whole point of becoming an adult.

If I had a dollar everytime my parents hated who I was dating….........

In there eyes, 21 is just a number. They believe being an adult means making a lot of money. They feel, at least in the Asian culture, that you are an adult when they say you are. The “own life” and “own person” in their eyes means doing and saying as they want because they have witnessed everything. They’re first generation. They’re not open minded at all (unless it has to do with money).

At Deja vu, the only guy my parents liked was this half Asian guy, who spoke Chinese well. Yet, he was a completely reckless kid and definitely dressed the part of one, too. My boyfriend now dresses much nicer than that guy and is more mature; but of course he isn’t Asian. So…

If that’s your cultural tradition, then it’s up to you whether or not you wish to continue to participate in it and continue such thinking for another generation.

Well, at the end of the day, I’m still with my boyfriend and we still plan a future together to OUR wants and needs. Not to his or my families wants/needs.

My boyfriend had made a comment saying he hoped one day both families could have a barbecue together one day. Oh, how I wish…

If they want to be active in their grandchildren’s lives, they will need to learn to deal with their bigotry.

Not that I want to sound depressing or anything to that sort, but I’m sure by the time I even have children; my parents may not be around. They’re both diabetic, so they take insulin shots everyday. I have a sister who is 10 years older than me and she doesn’t even have a boyfriend yet. She semi catered to the needs/wants of my parents, which in good time, got her the high paying career she has now, but single. She’s tried dating, but it never works out for some reason.

Wow, they may try to lay incredible guilt upon you to get you to “value” their remaining years by acquiescing to their wishes. A difficult situation, but do what is best for your life, not theirs. Sad though, I’m sorry to hear of this.

I understand. Thank you swain.

Mr. Swain. But you can just call me Cock.

Well, if you are old enough that this guy might be the one, just remember that it’s you who will be living with him for the rest of your life, not them. Poor guy, sounds like he has done his part to win them over. If it isn’t working, now might be the time in your life to start breaking from your parents and becoming more independent.

Such a difficult situation for you.
It’s your choice to be in this relationship, and if you are happy with that choice then your parents should be happy for you.
Give it time. If they begin to realise what a lovely person he is then they may become more accepting of him. I hope so for your sake.

My parents don’t care much for happiness. I mean, my mom wants me to be happy, but she doesn’t believe in happiness with a guy. My dad believes money is happiness. And, I don’t think they’ll ever realize how great of a guy he is because he’s tried time and time again to reach out to them, and I’ve personally told them how well he treats me… yet none of that matters. It’d be a miracle if they ever came to accept who he is as a person.

So, the reason why I asked mainly was because in the future when we decide to get married… and my parents still haven’t accepted it… Assuming my dad will most likely decide to disown me or some sort because he thinks it’s tarnishing his name and embarrassing him… Do I seriously just act like he isn’t family and move on with my own?

Oh, well. I’m the one dating the person not them. I don’t think I would date anyone my parents approved up. Yikes!

Haha, and why’s that @psychocandy ?

My dad (my mom passed away on 2009) and I have nothing in common. Frankly, he’s an ass. I doubt I would like anyone he did.

I ignored them and married him anyway. It did not have a good outcome.

It’s happened similarly in my family. I was told unless I was engaged or married then there was no reason for our family to invite or include bf’s. Like others, I did what I felt strongest about.

When I did marry a fabulous man then some of my family wouldn’t attend our wedding but that didn’t tarnish how I felt about the man. I’ve had not-so-popular longterm/live in SO’s that I’ve chosen over people who don’t live under my roof or love me day in and day out.

You will choose at some point, maybe now you’ll be better to compromise if you’re still living at home, on someone else’s budget and means.

@YARNLADY what happened with your situation/outcome?

and @Neizvestnaya i’m really on my own budget and means… my dad feels because my boyfriend isn’t a certain race; i’ve tarnished him. I don’t understand what you were trying to get at. lol.

@Aubs427, you cannot control other people. You can only control and manage yourself, and you must be true to yourself. Your father will do what your father is going to do. Choosing pride and perception of what other people “might” say or think over loving and supporting you is an eye-opener for many in a parent-child relationship. Do what you will, be the best person you can be, and let them deal with their own issues on their own. If your parents are religious, I can’t imagine God being too happy with them.

Tell them to fuck off and shut their racist trap. I’ve done it in the past.

really hard question.. personally, i will choose the one i really love, but i also want to respect my parents opinion. i will try my best to let my parents accept my partner. is that possible?

Not if your parents don’t like him…