If a jelly is elected president. He or she wants to hire you as secretary of ____________?
Secretary of panic attacks?
Secretary of pointless conversation?
Secretary of toad counts?
What?
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77 Answers
Secretary of Moderators here on Fluther.
Secretary of Community, of course. ;)
Secretary of “Paarty Time”, yes I spelled it correctly.
Secretary of the cute-itude of dogs. and Cleverness, of course
@blueiiznh
I think that, considering @wundayatta‘s unmatched massive lurve score, you might be out of the running for that one. ;-)
Receiver of blow jobs from those oh so eager to please interns. Secretary in the oral orifice, kind of.
I think we’re going to need a Secretary of Handling All of the Sexual Harassment Suits Against @ucme as well…
@iamthemob : I’m afraid the word “Handling” might set him off again…
Secretary of Really Loud Music. The office of RLM
Secretary of Good Will and Warm, Fuzzy Feelings, please.
Oh i’d be the victim in this I assure you. Forced to stoop to their level of depravity. It’s a thankless task it surely is, but hey, anything for the pres.
Secretary of Punishers of Punsters
But before that, I was gonna say, “Secretary of People who Recommend Books to People”
Office of Science and Technology Policy. I’d kill maim for that job.
@janbb : Secretary of Pun guins?
Secretary of Ass-Kicking Pleeeease ;)
@iamthemob a number metric is not the only measure for hiring
@blueiiznh – indeed. I’m just saying you might be out of the running. ;-) There’s some stiff lurve competition on various metrics.
Secretary? more like his personnel prankassin, but if I must be a Secretary,it should be Secretary of idle hands and minds aka the Devil’s Workshop.
Secretary of State. I am tired of the Diplomatic Corps funding dictators, murders, and idiots. I would rather see a state turn socialist than turn into a murderous dictatorship. I
@iamthemob if i look at your metric of number it breaks down like this your opinion gets an average of ~50 lurve a day where my metric is ~200 a day :)
Party party secretary everyone welcome!!
Secretary of charm.
I am great with people, humoring them to subjugate negative feelings, a great mediator.
I would be in charge of holding the difficult at bay.
They’d end up calling me just to chat and forget about all their grievances.
Of course, I only use my ‘gift’ for good, but…if I wanted to be a con-woman, I’d do a bang up job. lol
Secretary of Obfuscation.
I’d like Maggie Gyllenhaal. Yeah, she can play my secretary.
@blueiiznh – that would be true if the math were as linear. However, if your knowledge of lurve were truly great you would understand know that (1) there is a limited amount of lurve an individual user can give another – therefore, after that point, when they give the person a GA or GQ, it doesn’t count toward their lurve score (2) there is a limited amount that each individual post can count toward the lurve score as well…so past a particular amount of GQs it doesn’t matter who votes for it, it will not add to the users lurve (3) because of the previous two, an influx of new users can suddenly increase the rate a person earns lurve, but this will need to be discounted by an average based on the general new users use and understanding of the lurve system, and finally (4) practically, a person’s lurve score generally increases faster on the days they are on Fluther, and therefore we would be required to discount days not in attendance at a certain rate in order to get a true representation of the lurve comparison.
A true secretary of lurve must understand, therefore, that there are consistent variables to be measured, and further that the value of each individual point of lurve one earns increases the longer that user us on Fluther.
Wow…I’m disturbed at myself on that one…
@iamthemob did you mean disturbed or confused? I thank you for the description of the scoring of GA or GQ. This will allow me to attain “Higher Lurve” (as the song says), and finally Utimate Lurve. Afterall, isn’t that what we are here for.
@Bluefreedom So basically a regular political possition. LOL
Secretary of waste management (only I actually look into cutting waste of money)
@iamthemob I think I’ll appoint you secretary of obfuscatory details. @blueiiznh can be the secretary of inerrant hopefulness. I’m afraid there can be no office of lurve. It must be the office of lurve and something else. OLSE. No one is quite sure what the something else is.
@blueiiznh – Here’s something to get you started. ;-)
@wundayatta – Pssh. I only clarify the complexities. Perhaps instead of “Secretary of OD” I should be “Secretary of OCD” though. ;-)
@wundayatta i accept your suggestion of inerrant hopefulness or possibly eternal optimism. I will let Pangloss and Lady Cunégonde know the good fortune.
Secretary of Games. To include:
Secretary Roll Call.
The Secretary Below me (TSBM).
The A-Z of Secretaries.
I’ll be coming up with more as time goes on.
Ooh Ooh! <raises hand> I’d like to be Secretary of Bitchiness!
Secretary of vegetarian appetizers and amabassador to Alan Rickman.
Secretary of Obvious Solutions
Ooooo. @SavoirFaire just took a very importation Secretariat. Did you notice the acronym? LOL.
Cue the Beatles!
@wundayatta I originally wrote myself a longer title, but I edited it down for the acronym. It was the obvious thing to do.
Secretary of internal/external jelly affairs!
Secretary of complaints to Advanced education, labor, and health secretary’s
Secretary of the Procrasti Nation! ;-)
Secretary of the Department of the Interior Hotel and Restaurant Inspection and Testing Division
@Brian1946 : I wanna be that! Well…maybe later. Never mind.
Secretary of Honesty Integrity & Trust. Something smells a bit funny here!
Secretary of Medical Mary Jane
@JilltheTooth
Whoever waits the longest to apply for the position gets the job. ;-)
Secretary of Writing to Assholes that Think They Can Get Free Stuffs Because They Wrote to The President, or Other Like Creatures and Beings.
Ah, THERE you are! A long held G2 for you!
Secretary of Indecisiveness That Leads To Panicked, Last Minute Brilliant Decisions.
Very true, @JilltheTooth. Most likely not. I would have to resign from my post and become the Secretary of Shamed Secretaries.
Secretary of Defense, of course.
Secretary of All That is Delicious.
@janbb: The president will pay me in cookies.
@Cruiser – How fortuitous, because, you see, I’ve invented a silly walk, and I need a government grant to develop it.
Secretary of Poetic License
Or Secretary of Eternal Affairs
@filmfann If you are the secretary of cheese, I would like to volunteer as your food tester.
@aprilsimnel You must now demonstrate said Silly Walk before I can grant you a permit for it! XD
Secretary of Firearms. “if you qualify for a firearm, you will receive a firearm to protect your family”.
Secretary of Entertainment and Hospitality
(or maybe The Undersecretary of Cheese if @filmfann needs an assistant??)
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