What to do when someone talks behind your back?

When you have a problem, such as this, its best to hit it head-on. the longer you wait, the longer the rumors will fly.

Confront your friends and ask them why they now think you are an ass.

Left alone and the situation will only give you ulcers.

Seek the truth and get on with your life.

I talk to his face!

If you’re concerned about preserving the friendship you have with these two people, I would bring the issue up with them in a non-confrontational way. For example, “I’m getting a feeling that you guys aren’t happy with how I ended things with so-and-so…could you explain that to me so I can maybe avoid doing the same thing in the future?” If they try to deny anything, then I would bring up the fact that you overheard them, again, in a non-confrontational way: “well, the reason I’m concerned is because I overheard you saying ‘such-and-such’, and if you think I did something wrong, it is important to me that I know so that I can make changes/prevent it from happening again/etc.” If you want to stay friends with these two, just make sure not to get them on a defensive edge – things could spiral down quickly and could damage or ruin your friendship.

There is a whole section in the book, How to Cope with Difficult People. The majority of the lesson is pushing hard for the truth, hold those involved to telling you whats up. Im not explaining it well but all of the above is along these lines. When you confront people do it in a non accusing questioning way. But also take to opportunity to tell them how you expect them to act, such as “if you hear anything about me I expect you to confirm that with me” or “If you have anything to say about me, say it to my face” You might want to get a copy of this book from the library and read the chapter called Snipers.

Nothing, but some people aren’t capable of rising above such trivial drama.

@noelleptc nailed it.

Here goes the problem. You said that they were friends with both of you. Obviously they dont’ want to choose sides and hurt your feelings but perhaps they simply think you was a fool for letting her go or for hurting her. They may be talking about you behind your back because maybe they don’t want to be forced to have to decide who to stay friends with. Just because they think you were an ass in this situation, doesn’t mean that they don’t value your friendship and they do her. If she is a friend too than why wouldn’t they comfort her. Obviously they feel she needs it. You see it as her talking badly about you but maybe its just her venting to friends and trying to understand what went wrong. If they only have one side of the story than you are going to come out the bad guy in the tale. However if they do know the whole story and still see you as the fool than it is an opinion they are entitled too.
Unless they are going around bad mouthing you to all your pals than I would simply just talk to them and give my side of the story. Doesn’t mean they are bad friends unless they have malious intent. In which case you simply would be better without them.
If you prefer to keep you reasons private than let it go. It would be unfair to ask them to choose and more than likely you would tip them in her favor because they will feel you are being unreasonable. Both of you split, there is no reason to make them decide when its clear that they don’t want too.
Its just talk. Tomorrow it will be someone elses split up. Worse thing you can do is avoid or ignore them. My daughters ex boyfriend did that and they all ended up going with her even though she was the one who dumped him. They were all determined to stay friends with him but he cut them out of his life because they were her friends too.

Turn around.

Tell them you overheard them and that you want them to know this breakup isn’t easy on you either. Assure them that you don’t expect them to choose sides and you respect the friendship they have with her as something separate from your relationship with her.

If you talk to them about this, all you will succeed in doing is keeping the waters stirred up and muddy. My advice: drop it and leave it be. If they are your friends, they will come around. If they aren’t your friends, then you will have learned something from the entire affair.

Laugh and remove them from my Facebook wall lol ;)

Let’s grow up ;)

When some one do back biting against me I just say to him/her that if you have some issue with me then kindly don’t involve others and say to me frankly, I will not get hyper if you even falsely blame me. In this way, many things truly get clear and sometimes I even realized that he or she didn’t say any thing bad about me, it was someone’s else rumor who want a fight between us. Some people feel happy after back biting so don’t bother about them cuz successful people don’t have enough time to think that what other people are saying or thinking about him/her.

Let it be. Life is too shirt to worry about trivial things. Move on.

They don’t mean that they actually think that you’re an ass. It sounds like they think she’s a great catch and that you made a mistake breaking up with her. Suggest that they date her.

My opinion about the different range of advice: I see some people speculating on what’s likely going on and their opinions are likely the case but leaning toward the optimistic interpretation of your friends actions. Some people have tough skins and don’t blink an eye when other people treat them unfair. Let me say these people are better off than me. It works wonderful and life goes on, but then there are people like myself that need to reconcile and understand. This does not work well all the time, but at least I know everyone in my life are above board and no pretense needed and that is what I’m more comfortable. Sooooo, with all this advice, know that there is neither right nor wrong with both lines of thought, but you have to choose based on who you are and what you need from your friends. Don’t leave yourself desperate for attention and reconciliation from those involved; get yourself plugged in, in other places. The more socially diversified you are the stronger your position and emotional health will be.

@gondwanalon is absolutely right. Life’s too short and people who like to talk and listen to that kind of stuff can’t be changed.