Serious question, What's the hardest part of being a man today?

finding purpose in a meaningless society

Well, IMHO, the hardest part is balancing a masculine perspective in a world with a collective viewpoint that is increasingly becoming more feminine centric without being perceived as a barbarian not worthy of consideration.

OK, first off I’m female, so I’m guessing here. In today’s world, given how incredibly uncertain things are financially and with job security practically non-existent, if he were the main (or sole) breadwinner and had a family, I would imagine the hardest part of being a man would be the stress of not knowing what tomorrow may bring?

Years ago, men would go into a job and could, if they wished, stay there till they retired, how rare is that now? . Nothing is secure anymore, and I think just the worry of putting food on the table, paying the bills, and keeping your family provided for these days must be unbearable.

For me, as always, the hardest part is having sexual desires that are incompatible with my current relationship situation.

I don’t have problems that I imagine a lot of men have. It’s not difficult for me to express my emotions—in private, anyway, and as long as they seem appropriate (I wasn’t comfortable snuffling and getting choked up about an animated movie in front of my daughter—I thought she’d think I was silly). I can also perceive, identify, and talk about my emotional life.

I don’t have any issues with my wife making more money than I do. I don’t mind us sharing our work equally at home—at least, the work I think is necessary. I find it ridiculous that she maintains some traditional gender differences, such as feeling it is my job and only my job to take care of rodents. I don’t approve of her setting a role model for our daughter that does not include spending time outdoors.

I don’t feel a need to be macho or aggressive. I don’t feel a need to project dangerousness. I know that I wouldn’t want to cross me, because I’d end up not knowing which way was up.

I’m not afraid of expressing affection for my male friends. It doesn’t bother me if someone thinks I’m gay.

I am not afraid of taking care of my children. I think they are a wonderful gift and I like doing things with them mostly. Sometimes I do want some alone time.

I think that all those things are much harder for most men. I think that even if men thought the way I do, a lot of them wouldn’t admit it to other men. If most men had some form of sensitive feelings or sensitivities, I think they would do their damnedest to hide them from any other guy.

Those a some of my candidates for hard things for men to do, these days. But most of them aren’t my problem.

Wow, I wish I could give you two GAs for that one @wundayatta!

I would have to agree with @wundayatta wholeheartedly. This actually caused me to have a “midlife crisis” type episode where I thought I was in love with another woman. I’m lucky my wife stuck it out with me, now that I see the truth. Anyway, that for me has probably been the toughest thing. Other than that, the hardest part of life is getting through the dullness and repetitiveness of things like work, e.t.c. but thats not gender-specific.

I don’t think wanting to be with other people outside your relationship/marriage is more likely for men, though. What do you think?

Finding a purpose that is worth while. Although I think it is also an issue for women I believe it is more difficult on a man who doesn’t have a purpose because of societies views.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I think it depends on the person and their s/o regardless of if they’re male or female.

I would think that for some married men, it’s difficult when the wife wants to be a stay-home mom and they can barely afford it. It puts a lot of pressure on the man to make sure the bills are paid and there’s food on the table, and I know from experience (this is what my hubby and I go through), that it can be very stressful and frustrating.

I would also think that it’s hard to live up to the expectations your woman or partner may have of you. Some of us women are guilty of having too high of expectations and then we blame you when we’re disappointed. I imagine that’s pretty hard to deal with.

I suppose dealing with other people who expect me to fit the mold of a typical man is the hardest part for me.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, It’s not so much a matter of wanting to be with other people than it is the differences in what it means to want to be with other people. In general with women the whole emotional need thing is much more a part of that desire whereas in with men it is much more of a purely physical thing.

In short, with men having an acute desire to have a wild romp with a hottie that crosses his path does not equate to OMG, there must be something missing in my relationship. Alas, we men who do love our spouses have to deal with the reality that a wild roll in the hay, however meaningless, is likely to cause sever damage to the relationship we hold most dear.

In being a man there is a dualality that is very disconcerting. I love and adore my wife and would not trade her for anyone. But, I still notice, flirt with and even desire other women. I have remainded honorable to my vows and always will, but the lust that’s almost a beckoning insanity bothers me. It’s the mystery of why Sandra Bullocks husband did what he did. What is the saying: Women need one man to meet all their needs while men need all women to meet there one need.

A second thing: I have enjoyed Fluther as I have received advice from other men like I never have before. We are isolated and can not genuinely connect outside of a context like this.

There it is: Raw

@wundayatta, I appreciate everything you said and can actually relate to most of it. Great response!!!!

Wanting to work less for a company and spend more time with the family. Or caring for a sick child for example. About 50% of all managers still get the wrong message. It might require another 20 years for the problem to disappear.