How to leave a widower who doesnt want anyone but his wife?

Suggest (to him) that he needs help with his grief and give him time.

I cant say it any better than Jude. ditto It sounds like he has a huge capacity to be emotionally committed, and this is yours if you can get past this.

I agree that he needs help to deal with his grief. It also seems quite natural for him to be experiencing these feelings. If you feel strongly about staying in the relationship, it certainly seems that you could work through this together. Best of luck.

Successful longterm relationships require work. A lot of work. Introducing a child into the relationship makes it even more complicated. That your husband is a widower makes it 10x more complicated. You signed up for a lot. Presumably, you did so because you thought he was worth it—he would add value and meaning to your life and help you achieve you long-term happiness. So now you have to live up to what you signed up for. Communicate, a lot. Tell him how you’re feeling, listen to how he’s feeling, and be there for one another. Help him as best you can, and if he’s beyond your help, help him get the help he needs. But make sure you’re being listened to, too. It’s not just him who needs to work through things. You do, too.

All the work’s worth it, I think. Happiness is worth working for.

Best of luck!

Just hang in there. He still has a lot to work through, and if you are truly committed to making a long term thing out of this, then you both can come out the other side. It’ll be different than anything you’ve done, but you can learn a lot and grow to be a better person because of it. @Neurotic_David is right however. Don’t sacrifice your own needs, and don’t allow either of you to sacrifice your child’s needs in the process. Sometimes that happens before you realize it’s happening. I wish you all the love in the world, I won’t say luck because luck has nothing to do with this.

If you’ve already reached the point where you want to leave him, it seems to me that the love must be missing. He could use some counseling, but living in a love-less marriage won’t help him or the child.

Don’t sacrifice yourself or your child for someone you no longer love. Move out and make a new life, plus give him a chance to find a good wife.

Ditto @Neurotic_David. These are issues I’d have brought up before marrying and definitely before making a child with this man so now you have a lot of work and patience ahead of you and he makes his way through the grief.

Consider asking him to get professional help with his grief and guilt.

The name thing is coincidence. You are certainly old enough to act like an adult. You two had a child together; it’s time to make that life commitment, marry, and be a family without thinking about leaving.