Far away, for a long time, from the guy I'm interested in - what should I do?

What kind of contact are you in with him? Are you guys talking on the phone, texting, facebooking?

@chyna We’re Facebook friends but he uses it very rarely. We text maybe once a week. D: Sounds bad, right? We’re both kind of shy, and I’m a crappy conversationalist, especially these days because there is very little to say about my daily life. Otherwise I’d try to talk to him more, but I’m afraid of being super boring.

@Mariah: Make yourself more interesting, Is there something that you can study, even with medical issues? Enrich yourself and in doing so, your daily life.

Of course your first concern is regaining your health. But there is no reason to give up on this guy. Call him. Talk to him about his day. Talk about what is going on in the news. You never know, he may have a greater interest in you than you think.

You think about him because it makes your mind feel intensity. It’s like this matters a great deal. We want to obsess on things, especially in matters of love. I have done that a lot, and it wasn’t healthy for me. But I wasn’t healthy, mentally speaking. It kept my fantasies revved up and just made me worse and worse.

So, if you think that’s unhealthy, then try to wean yourself away.

If you want that kind of drama in your life (are you alone a lot on medical leave?), then go the other way. See if you can woo him through your letters. Flatter him a bit (men love that), and then slowly draw him into your world. The tension of it will keep you full up with drama for as long as you like. You’ll go up and down a lot. You’ll live and die for his responses. You’ll obsess over every word and every silence. You’ll be asking Fluther a hell of a lot of questions.

Please don’t think I’m making fun of this. I have had times in my life when I craved that drama. It gave me dopamine highs which kept me going when I was depressed enough to kill myself. There are times when I still want to “make trouble” for myself this way. But I’m aware of what it does to me and the role it plays in my life, and today, I would not do it. Tomorrow? Who knows? I’m still not the most stable of people.d

If you crave stability, stay away. If you crave intensity, go for it.

You don’t have to talk so much if you give him reason to talk about himself. Everyone I’ve ever known has a story or two to tell. I think it would be easier, for me, to talk in emails or actual written on paper letters.

@gailcalled This is a very good all-around suggestion, not just for keeping a guy! I think I was doing a pretty good job of keeping busy with worthy activities (But mostly things a dude would not want to hear about, like making jewelry, haha) up until a few days ago. Straying very much off topic now… My friends are all starting to go back to college and I don’t know when I’m going to see them again, and my surgery is in less than a week now and I’m freaking out a teeny, tiny bit. I’m having motivation issues. I think I might be a little depressed right now. I’m sure I’ll get back on track soon enough.

@chyna More good suggestions. I do try to keep the conversation focused on him when we do talk; his life is far more interesting than mine right now. Not having any experiences in common right now makes it a little hard to relate when I’m trying to make conversation, and I’m already a terrible conversationalist, haha. But I should probably just suck it up and call him, if I want to keep up any kind of relationship!

@wundayatta Thanks for your insightful answer; much of what you said is true about me. Until now, I honestly hadn’t had a strong “crush” since maybe the eighth grade. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have missed the intensity of that, and now that I have this, even as hopeless as it feels, it feels nice to have it. (I am alone a lot these days.)

@faye You’ve given me a good idea. I suck at phone, but I did send him a Christmas card, and he appreciated that… maybe I could get him to be “pen pals” with me? It sounds cheesey, but we’re both kind of cheesey people. And I much prefer forms of communication where I get to think about what I’m about to say for a long time (why do you think I like Fluther so much? :D). Only problem is that he, being an busy college student, might not ever have time to write back, but I’ll have to see.

Thanks everyone!

:)
I’ve done this stuff…and wundayatta was right on in a scary sort of way…it’s the drama of it all

but also, you NEVER know….so don’t give up, at all….write letters- if that gives you the control you desire of your words, I certainly understand this as well

mostly, just take some kind of ACTION, then WAIT…while improving yourself the ENTIRE TIME

Ive been in a long distance relationship for 6 months… I moved from chicago to oklahoma then to michigan and I will be moving closer again for school this august. we met it chicago and were only close for 3 weeks. he asked me if we could be a couple and I said ok, and we knew I was leaving. I havent regreated it for a single moment… Sometimes you meet a person and you just cant get your mind off of them. I say go for it. the communication will build over time.

Why wont you guys instead work on being good friends?...get to know each other better….I dont think a couple months is enough time to know someone, especially if you guys are communicating off the internet. It doesn’t hurt to take your time, if he’s interested I’m sure he’ll continue to tag along. The worst you could do is scare him off if you rush…don’t skip to conclusions and follow your instincts.

@xjustxxclaudiax Welcome to fluther!!
My intention is just that: I don’t want to start a long-distance relationship or anything right now. I just want to ensure that we stay friends, and maybe even become better friends, through this long spell where we’re not seeing each other.
I won’t claim to have gotten to know him very well in the two months (by the way, we weren’t communicating on the internet; we went to college together) and I definitely don’t want to rush things. All I want is for him to still remember me when I get back, so we can pick up where we left off!
Thanks for your advice!