How do you console someone whos husband just left them?

I’m sorry to hear about your Mom. Rent Diary of a Mad Black Woman and watch it together. It’s a Tyler Perry film.

He took the DVD & VHS player and the system that went with it, all she has is her TV left.

Wow… I wonder if you can rent it on iTunes?

i think i might bring my DVD player from college home, so she won’t be alone and stuff when i have to go back.

I’m sorry to hear it too. Just stay close to her. That’s probably the biggest thing right now.

Gift her Thich Nhat Hanh’s little book Being Peace.

@pp: in addition to being a loving and supportive daughter, you must see that your mom finds a lawyer soonest so that she knows what her legal rights as a spouse are, under PA. law. Also, change the locks this minute so that yr about-to-be ex, I hope) step-father can’t sneak into the home and steal or remove more things.

Without info, your mom may let this guy walk all over her, both emotionally AND FINANCIALLY.. a tough time, I know, and if your mom let this guy hang around too long, for whatever reasons, she may need you to be strong.

Keep us posted.

@gailcalled, she lives in NJ. My grandfather is changing the locks as we speak. She honestly believed they could resolve things with marriage counseling but obviously for him to pick up and leave he must have known he was leaving, and planning it for a while. i had no respect for him before but even less now, i hate that i have to see my mother being blindsided, we went out for lunch last monday, my treat, and she was telling me how she really wished she could walk away from it but she was not financially stable enough to be able to just kick him out. I really don’t like to leave her here alone but i already have my dorm rented out for the next two quarters, i am close enough that if she needs me for anything i can come home spur of the moment, and my best friend commutes from NJ to PA so i always have a ride. but thank you very much for your advice =]

well its tough right now but sounds like the best thing in the end since it sounds like she wasn’t happy in the relationship. can you help your mom with budget stuff, help her figure out how to get by for now? does she have a job? she may have to make tough decisions like moving to a smaller place, applying for new jobs or whatever, but if you support her through the process that will make it easier for her. perseverance will get her through the tough financial times I believe.

well she has a very good job at a salon, where she has been for around 12 years, and she also owns her own house, only her name on it, his name is not on it. She is still making payments on it, i think most of her financial issues are he just bought a new car, charged up a lot of things on credit, my mother has never really been in debt maybe a mere 2,000 or 3,000. He ran up the cards to around 12,000 or so and thats not something she can pay on her own really. I currently don’t work seeing as i am a full time student by i do get child support from my father that i can help her with, although she wouldnt take it, and things like that.

She may want to talk to an attorney about declaring bankruptcy so she won’t have to worry so much about the credit card debt until she can get a settlement from him in the divorce. I know how hard it is to get by here. I’m in Central Jersey myself. I think you are doing all the right things for her, and you’ve gotten a lot of good advice from the others. I wish you both the best.

Be there for her, be the reminder that those who truly love you, don’t leave you.
Also, since you were not emotionally invested in the relationship, be her voice of reason and help her get moving on sorting out practicalities, legal and financial matters.

it’s a tough one no question about it. Just be there for her because your mere presence is already a big support for her. Happened to me too but I’m getting by. Keep us posted.

Thanks for all the help guys <3 when my mom got home from work she immediately noticed all the little things i had done for her, she was eternally greatful. She was a little beside herself but when she actually saw how man of her friends cared about her she was ecstatic and coping with it a lot better then i would be. she moved all her money into new accounts and is looking for a lawyer. thank you all again!

@pp: brava, bravissima to you and your mother. Help her keep her energy up now. She is taking the first steps to reinvent herself.

i just talked to my mother and she said that he emailed her and said “im sorry for being so irrational and i hope you can forgive me someday, maybe we can work this out, blah blah blah. im not sure what to tell her but i hope she doesnt get back with him is all i can say. anyone have any insight on that one?

@ppcakes: she needs to get to a space where she can evaluate the situation objectively; for now, emotions and the actual dealing with conflict presents challenges that may make some fall back to an ‘easy way out’. My advice is to reassure her that her gut insticts are going to help her to listen to her heart and focus on the larger picture.

Is she considering this? You could remind her that she has been wanting to kick him out for a long time. Tell her how proud you are for the strength she has shown so far, and ask her not to make any hasty decisions based on finances. She may cave because of the struggle, and from what you’ve said that would be a mistake on her part. Remind her of the huge credit card debt he left her with, and tell her to tell him she won’t even entertain the thought of talking to him until he pays it off in full. That should help to buy her some time to get her head straight where he is concerned.

She seems to be well off, i will let her figure this out on her own because although i told her what i thought about it and how i felt and how i WOULD feel if she took him back, i know it is honestly not my place to medal in her business as much as i would like too, i know she is a smart woman and when it comes down to it she will make the right choice. she knows how much of a shady character he is and now because of this she has time to think, i will respect her decision, which ever one that may be, but i know even if she does take him back it won’t be for a while, she seems pretty content with what happened now.