What are the benefits of waiting to have sex in a relationship?
Asked by
phish412 (
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January 15th, 2011
First of all I would like to state that I am not a virgin.I am not however, ‘free’ with myself either. After getting out of a 2.5 year long relationship I dated a string of guys, some whom I found very important to me others who just made me feel good again. I quickly slept with 2 of them and I felt as if I was suddenly desensitized to the whole ‘wait to have sex till your in love.’ The whole concept became so blurry to me. I felt as if because I was an adult that it was completely appropriate for me to just sleep with a few guys and see where it goes. Now, 9 months after my long relationship has ended I have met someone that I really truly care about. And, it’s strange because with the current circumstances in my life I just felt that focusing on my schooling, and career would be best for me. But I am falling in love with this person. We’ve talked about waiting to have sex at least a couple of months which already is very hard. But now I have found myself thinking that maybe we should wait longer- perhaps even till marriage? I guess my question would be, what are the benefits of waiting awhile or even much later than awhile? OR how long is long enough to ensure a proper foundation for our relationship? I’ve never cared…but suddenly I care.
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18 Answers
Benefits of waiting is that you get to really know the full character of the person without getting confused by endorphines that will be released during sex. Sex can bog the mind down when you are trying to really get to know someone.
Don’t put artificial burdens on your relationship. Wait until it seems natural and right to make love with this person.
Only you know how long is the right amount of time for you. I kind of look at it like wait long enough, that if eventually you break up, you won’t regret having slept with him. I don’t have a moral thing about sex, like you have to wait until you are married, or the guy might not respect you. It is more of an individual thing for me. Each person is different.
giving you extra time to know if your boyfriend can be a good future husband and can be a good father… in case you get pregnant
it can be a high woltage pleasure
Well if you wait I guess you know that they’re not just dating you for sex.
agree with @deni but us girls might think, well at least I do, “oh he doesn’t think im ‘irresistable’ (well obviously he is being able to resist you)”.
@JLeslie I believe I have found the one and when I thought I did, I instantly regreted for having sex with guys before him. So yea.
an advantage is that it builds up the suspense, so when you do have sex it (may) be something special, extra exciting and intense. it can add to the whole experience.
@OliviaR Not sure it is exactly the same as what I am trying to convey. Maybe it is. The regret I am talking about happens before you find the one. It can happen the next day, or right after breaking up. What I was talking about has nothing to do with the next person you date. The type of regret you seem to be talking about is along the lines of you should wait till your married, or with the forever person. I think that is rather unrealistic in todays society.
@jca Have you ever had great, blow your mind sex, the first time you had sex with someone?
I think @deni pretty much nailed it. In addition, I’ve had sex with women I didn’t know too well, didn’t enjoy the sex and disappeared. I’m sure the same thing has happened to me as well. Point is you could end up feeling like dumping/getting dumped based on a tepid sexual encounter. If you were with the person a while before you have sex, chances are you’ve developed a mental bond first. At that point, unless something horrendous happens during your first sex, you’ll be comfortable enough with each other to deal with it, probably even laugh about it.
I don’t see any benefit.
However, I do see a few downsides to having sex ASAP. I mean, it’s one thing is the whole basis of your relationship is just a mutual desire to get your jollies, but the way I see it, if you plan on having a relationship beyond the bedroom in the first place, you probably won’t feel comfortable having sex until you’re ready anyways, and if you are comfortable with that person and the relationship then there is no point in waiting.
@JLeslie : yes, and part of it was in my mind – the anticipation of I like this person so much, this is so exciting, etc. I think, honestly, that was the only person I ever waited with. The others, my feeling has been “if you want to do it, then do it.”
@jca Interesting. That has not been my experience. Usually it is better after a few times.
@JLeslie Yeah, I definitely have had mind-blowing sex with someone for the first time. Left me really wanting more, which didn’t happen. That could influence my memory of it.
I agree with @JLeslie – benefits of waiting exist only if you find any benefits in waiting. What I’m saying is that I’d never be able to wait because becoming intimate with someone is part of my evaluation process and I’m comfortable with having sex without letting it cloud my judgment of the person or our relationship. If you, however, want to wait, you should and they should be okay with it, if they want to be with you. But you should be okay with them not wanting to stick around either – it’s a pull and push, you know?
I think waiting until you’re married is probably a bad idea. It’s like buying a car without test driving it first. Some people aren’t very sexually compatible, and in my mind, it’s a very important dimension of marriage.
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