Is it the right move to not bring any alcohol to social functions if one of the attendees is a newly recovering alcoholic? (See details)

No, that person needs to learn “self control” so you people have the wine…and they can have some non-alcoholic beverage….

Just my take is that this person with the problem is they obviously are aware of it and in recovery mode and I would expect them to also know what they would be up against going to a social gathering where alcohol will be served. I would keep your business as usual and perhaps out of respect for his recent recovery efforts, keep your alcohol consumption around him low key.

It will be all up to them to keep from falling off the wagon not you @Adirondackwannabe.

If you know about rehab they encourage people who are recovering adicts to get a new group of friends and to stay clear of the drug of choice. I would say this is during their initial recovery though and in time they will be exposed to it. If it has been a short time and if they know alcohol is the problem and that it will be served at the get together then they should opt not to come. You should not have to watch what you do.

Based on the responses so far, I guess I know as little as you, Adirondackwannabe! I would think the right thing to do would be to abstain. The point of the get togethers is to be with one another, right? After all, we don’t die thinking, “man, I wish I had taken just one more drink of alcohol!”.

Put another way, what’s more important? Getting to spend time with your friend, or getting to drink?

When my cousin went through this she was encouraged by her re-hab counselor and her sponsor to avoid “trigger” situations. Family gatherings were hugely stressful, so for awhile we didn’t have alcohol at those, she said it helped a lot. Outside of family, she did very well keeping sober, even though her job involved often serving alcohol. Family support is essential, and you can’t always avoid the high-stress gatherings.

I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic, and several who can’t drink alcohol for health reasons, but none of them ask or expect others to abstain from drinking alcohol in their presence. Why not take two bottles with you – one of wine and one of something nice but non-alcoholic that the non-drinker can enjoy too?

“Out of sight…..out of mind”.

This would be like waving a bone in front of a hungry dog. it’s a bad idea.

It’s like giving a drug addict $100 dollars in cash and not expect them to go feed thier drug habit.

Also, i would hate to know that i was the cause for this person to revert back to his alcohol addiction.

Thanks for your words guys. Until you deal with this you really don’t have a clue. Nasty stuff, but the person is really trying and I’m trying to help as well.

IMO the person who is at risk of falling off the wagon should stay away from the gatherings until they are strong enough to be around alcohol without indulging. Other than that, if you all want to continue the get together, don’t tempt fate by having alcohol available. The support you give during this time could be very helpful to their recovery.

2nd answer….

Some people are born with the gene for being an alcoholic. no matter how hard they try, they can never shake the monkey off thier back. i understand your situation. my wife had an uncle that drank himself to death. his liver shut down.

@Adirondackwannabe…..been there…done that….got the sobriety chips

I stand by my answer

I don’t expect people to not serve cake at a wedding because I am diabetic.
People need to learn to handle their own problems without policing what others do.
I don’t rely on others to keep a watch on what I do or remember any of my specific “needs” nor do I expect them to.After all….I’ve been out od diapers for a long time now.Or have I? XD

I think as long as you make a decent effort to provide some non-alcoholic beverages for your friend (and keep an eye on him/her) and actively offer the guest a non-alcoholic beverage, rather than waiting for the person to “find” the non-alcoholic stuff. Then that will be fine.

Beverage ideas: iced tea, coffee, soda (regular and diet) sparkling water and juice, non-alcoholic sparkling cider, bottled water. Just make sure your friend knows they are there.

Thanks for all your help guys. I’m thinking no alcohol for awhile and see how things workout. Neurotic Dave said it well. We don’t need the wine to socialize, and the person is more important than the wine.

I’m an alcoholic in recovery. I haven’t had a drink for 11.5 years, and I’ve been around alcohol and in bars many times in that time period.

I remember the first time I went to a social function at work after I got sober. I was honestly scared to death. I got there and everyone was ordering drinks. I ordered a soda, and I held that glass like it was glued to my hand. I didn’t put it down out of fear that I might pick up the wrong one. I made it through the party, and I’ve made it through many more.

When I go to parties these days, I take my own soda with me. That way, I know I’ll have what I want to drink.

It’s very commendable that you want to help the newly recovering person, but it’s not your responsibility to keep that person sober. S/He either wants sobriety or not.

Most adults in recovery know they must act for themselves in social situations where others will have alcohol and that it’s not right to pressure everyone else to abstain but they also usually don’t go into those situations unless they’re feeling well and in control of themselves. I have a younger recovery relative who used to get angry anytime someone in their presence would drink but that passed over time.

As the host then I’d make sure there is plenty to choose from aside from alcohol and hope the mix of friends are friends enough not to offer any alcohol to the alcoholic.