How did you deal with your parents' divorce?

I was 11 years old when my parents decided to seperate (which led to divorce). Honestly, I can’t remember being to distraught about it. I’m sure I was upset when I found out initially but I wasn’t surprised. Dad was in the Navy when I was growing up so wasn’t around as much as other dads may be, I’m sure this made it easier to adapt to him not living with us at all.

The only thing that upsets me about it all is that my mum and dad have no relationship at all nowadays. They couldn’t even be amicable for my brother and I.

My parents split up on Christmas when I was 18. They fought so much before that though, so their split brought some peace to things. Christmas sucked for a while after that, but now I have my own family and we make it, and all the other holidays, as special as we can.

We don’t live near any of our family, so we don’t get to spend a lot of holidays with them anyway.

Just remeber that while you can’t change the past, you can do other things to make the future holidays more special.

My parents divorced when I was a toddler, I have no conscious memories of them ever being together. There was no drawn out legal struggle or anything like that, and my father eventually moved to Florida so I hardly saw him at all. I’m sure it had an effect on me and my life, but I don’t really recognize it and I’ve never sat and thought about it in a negative light.

My parents separated when I was about 7 and that led to divorce. It was a horribly confusing time for me as I didn’t fully comprehend what was happening but the resilience that comes with being a kid helped me to get on with things.
Similarly to you, as I got older I began to feel really upset and sad for that loss. I suppose it took time to accept that all of that had passed but I was left with these feelings.
I had/have no relationship with my father and that was something I had a hard time accepting. I worked through those issues with a therpaist and it really has helped me hugely.
I think talking about how you feel now is so important. It’s completely natural and expected that those feelings would resurface at some point.

I think it often takes a long time for issues relating to our parents to surface. In my case, there was some of it in my twenties, but it really took until I was in my fifties for me to understand the full effect of the way I was brought up.

A couple of years ago, I was contemplating divorcing my wife. I think I asked a question about how divorced parents affected people at that time. These answers would have been great for me. Kids seem to have this strong sense that their parents belong together once they’ve experienced their parents being together. After that, if they aren’t together, it sounds like you think something is wrong… forever, almost.

Sounds like therapy could help. It helped me deal with my issues.

This unfortunate event happened when I was six. I have amost no recall at all of the immediate aftermath, but then my memory is terrible anyway. I do remember my mum struggling to bring up three boisterous lads on her own, for which she deserves unbound credit. I also recall my dad coming to see us every birthday & christmas which eventually dwindled away to nothing. Haven’t seen him for years & years now, which is fine…his loss. I find it remarkable however since I became a father myself that any self respecting dad worthy of the name could display such an apparent lack of interest in the well being of his children. I worship the ground my kids walk on & will always be there for them come what may. I suppose we’re all different, even if we share blood ties.

My parente divorced a year ago and I’m in my 20’s. They had a good relationship for over 20 years, but things were apparently troubled under the surface..I didn’t know about it growing up though..I have foudn that having those Christmas and thangsgiving memories have made it very hard to go through those times because I can’t spend Christmas with my parents anymore the way it used to be. I wouldn ‘t trade my memories for anything, but going through Christmas now is so hard when I think about all the good times we had together as a family… I guess its hard without memories too, like you said..
I too am feeling sad about the fact that when I have children they won’t be able to spend time with their grandparents together..divorced grandparents are no fun! The divorce also means that they are selling the farm I grew up on and now I feel like I have no home either! I don’t live at home anymore, but it would be nice to have your family home to go visit you know? Now when I have kids they won’t be able to got to farm and heck, I won’t be able to get married there anymore either!
It has gotten easier over the last couple of years, but I guess its something that affects you for the rest of your life unfortunately…as you get older new situations present themselves to you and your parents’ divorce affects those situations, so you keep having to deal with it! It sucks, but I guess you get used to dealing after a while. Its sad that over 50% of marriages end in divorce..think about all those kids…
It also helps to know that you’re not alone.

I was 7 and didn’t understand so I just cried because all I knew was that I could only see one parent at a time now. Like you said, about 7 or 8 years later everything was done….my parents were always civil to each other though, so that helped. Now I’m 21 and they’re actually friends again! It’s wonderful.

The hardest part is that my mom is dating the biggest asshole in the world now.

I am going to make some assumptions here, and please feel free to correct me, or ignore me if it does not relate to you. If you are having a difficult time in your life right now, you might be dwelling on negative feelings in your childhood to place blame, when actually you need to focus on what is currently in your life. I don’t mean that your sad feeling are not legitimate, I am sure it was a difficult time for you when your parents got divorced, and even in later years related to the divorce. But, I find people who barely remember a good time in their childhood, or feel very affected, depressed or anxious about what needs were not met as a child, have a lot of problems relating to family, and in relationships in general. This happens to people even when parents stayed together. Divorce means society will be more compassionate to a dissappointing childhood than if parents stayed together. So if the person goes down the path of negative thoughts, they will get tons of reinforcement, and bad memories can begin to cement and take over. Just watch for it. If that is happening try to occupy your mind with ther things and focus on the present.

I was supportive and relieved since it seemed so long overdue.

My mom and dad split before I could remember them together. i grew up without my father around. When i was 13 I did my own search for him and soon came to realize why they divorced. My father was no good. Didnt want anything to do with us. This still bothers me very much. Every few years (especially during a big time i.e. death/wedding/birth) I begin thinking of how he could be ok with never knowing his two children…get all worked up, find him again to see where he is at and then forget about it

My parents split when I was 8, though the process wasn’t final for two more years. There was a kind of separation process between my mom my brother and I, and my father, that I didn’t really understand. First, dad left on assignment for a month. Then it was two years, though we did visit him and happen to meet the woman who would become his new wife, though it wasn’t obvious to us kids that they were together. Then my folks tried something new, and we all ended up living together in a hotel for a month. We enrolled in school near DC where my father worked, made friends, and then suddenly, poof! it was over: back to Canada for us while my dad stayed in DC. It didn’t really affect me too much at the time. Frankly, my brother and I thought it was great to be away from our overbearing dad. Mom was way more fun and it was easier to get away with things when it was just her doing the child rearing. Later on in life, I have found that I interpret the situation differently. Though my father and I always got along, I’m carrying a much bigger grudge against him now than I did as a child. I still don’t have a clear picture of exactly what broke them up, but I know enough to know that my dad decided to bail, while maintaining some vague notion that he could still be there for his kids in a way that he was never capable of.

As similar as I find myself to my dad, there are a lot of things about him that I’ve decided I never want to be. I don’t want a career based on endless hours and separation from family. I don’t want to get married until I’m bloody sure it’s the right thing to do, and I don’t want to have kids unless I’m sure in my own commitment to them. In fact, I find I do actively desire to get married and have children, but at all costs I must not recreate the half loving, half abandoning gloom that my father trails behind him.

I even feel saddened when it actually occured to my very close first cousin. Her parents were a perfect couple and only divorced because after having money trouble started to fight with one another. Its been five years, with my and my cousin still distraught from the stillness of life. But we try to make the best of things by appreciating what we have. Anyways my cousins step dad is actually a very nice guy and we still have so much fun. Its just the old memmories that still haunt me. But I tend to get over it.

My parents seperated when I was 9. My mom was the one who wanted the divorce, my dad wanted to make things work. They fought all the time and after they seperated never spoke. My mom constantly said terrible things about my dad and his family, while my dad would never say a bad word about my mom. My mom told me very private details of their relationship that I never should have known when I was 9. My younger sister and I split time between our parents. I was very upset when it happened but knew it was coming. My mom kicked me out of the house when I was 15 and I moved in with my dad. Then my mom married my stepdad. My sister lives with them and hates him. He has two daughters aswell and both my mom and sister have horrible relationships with them. I am now 21 and have been very upset about it lately. To the point where I get teary eyed talking about it or thinking about it. As I matured I feel like I realize how awful my mother is. It saddens me so much that when I have children they will never go to see grandma and grandpa. I have very happy memories of my childhood and parents together and happy, the last time I ever saw either of them genuinley happy. I too have thought about it more as I’ve gotten older and it upsets me more than ever. I miss having a family. I can’t wait to have one of my own and make sure I give my children and husband everything they want and need. My mom has always told me since I was little to never be a stay at home mom and always work so I can leave a marriage if I want to. I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to watch my kids grow and cater to my husband. I want to be involved at my childrens school and teach them things, and I can’t wait.