What is it that makes some ex's so cruel and nasty to their former partner?

I used to wonder about that.
I have concluded it is because they are a bad shot. ;)

@lucillelucillelucille Now I finally understand.:) This never made sense until you answered.

@Adirondackwannabe Always glad to clarify. ;)

In a lot of cases it probably has to do with their feeling that they got the short end of the stick. People feel vengeful for a lot of reasons, both legitimate and illegitimate, and I think that people who go to extremes after a breakup are probably just thinking irrationally. ”(S)he broke my heart and so deserves to be made miserable”.

Because they want you back and can’t cope with losing you

@partyparty @Seelix Wouldn’t being an ass to the ex make it less likely to be able to get back together?

Because they’ve nothing better to do in life + would rather resort to loser behavior. Personally I’ve never understood the animosity + anger I’ve seen between some couples that have broken up or divorced. Makes me wonder why the hell they were ever together – come on, you guys were engaged in genital gift exchange! In any case, I usually make it a point to stay friends with ex’s + past intimates for the most part.

It could also be that, they’d like their ex’s to feel the pain that they’ve went through because of him/her..

They’re not entirely over the person? Plus, they have mental issue.

@Adirondackwannabe – I didn’t think of it from the standpoint of wanting to get back together… But if that were the intent, it sure wouldn’t work!

@Seelix Agreed. Also, no jokes yet, so how about them leafs?

@Adirondackwannabe – Grr. ;)

@Adirondackwannabe IMO They are doing it to keep contact, keeping themselves on the ex’s mind – either to torment them and disrupt their lives or to pay them back for the hurt they feel.
Once contact is assured and responses are made, then if they wanted the ex back then they could back pedal their nastiness and become more ‘friendly’, thus perhaps assuring themselves of a future with their ex. Only an idea

I’ve really no idea. I believe i’ll never find out the hard way either…..hopefully.

So, so many feelings come into play in a divorce: anger, sadness, disappointment, jealousy, unrequited love—no wonder to me that it’s such a traumatic event.

For my ex-husband, it was because he didn’t want to pay child support and since I got the court order saying he had to, he blamed me for the fact that he had to and wanted to take it out on me. So I imagine for some people, it has to do with things like that (not getting what they want in the break up or having to do something they don’t want to do with the break up).

… sometimes they are still hurt and angry, and they try to alleviate their own hurt by hurting the person that has caused them to feel like this, like the ex.
Some people dont know how to cope with the intensely angry feelings they have.. and they lash out, verbally or otherwise.
It’s very difficult to move on. It can take time, but some people just cant do it and they end up all bitter and resentful.
I know someone very much like this… sadly she is emotionally exhausting to spend time with, and has few friends left now.

@Seaofclouds That’s one I could never understand. I love you enough I want to make a baby with you, and then I want you and the kid to get lost? I’m probably too idealistic.

quite honestly…. cuz b*tches be crazy….. lol

@Adirondackwannabe I don’t understand it either, but it is what it is. My ex-husband hasn’t seen my son since he was 13 months old, he’ll be turning 9 next month. His whole family decided they didn’t want anything to do with me or my son. Their loss. My ex-husband was the one who left me because he didn’t want to be a father or husband anymore, so it’s not even that it’s resentment that I left him.

@Seaofclouds I see it as their loss as well, but I still can’t figure it out.:)

Probably because the offender was crazy, controlling or manipulative to begin with. Some awful exes think they are “owed” something. Men that abuse women tend to think like that. Those kind of people also believe that the other person was part of their property and they mean to either get it back or make sure that it is damaged so that no one else can “use” it. Some people may also feel like they were dumped or dropped unfairly or in a very un-dignified manner and they are trying to get back at the other person. Or they feel like their feelings were hurt un-necessarily and they are trying to “show” the other person how it feels to be hurt like that. And the craziest of all think that the other person was part of their “destiny” and they will spend all sorts of time and energy trying to get that other person back, even if the other person has no more interest in them.

All of these scenarios suck. It’s too bad that people, when they’ve been broken up with (for whatever reason) won’t just leave it all in the past and move forward. You can’t undo or change the past. Too many people sit there and wallow and that just makes it worse for themselves and other people around them.

@Kardamom I guess that would suck, to say the least. That’s some pretty scary thinking patterns. But it makes sense why they pull some of the crap if they think like that.

@Adirondackwannabe One of my cousin’s had a horrible experience with a man who started out as a creepy boyfriend, then she married him, even though all of the relatives said we would support her if she decided not to marry him. But she married him anyway, had another child, and he got more abusive and more creepy. We eventually had to extract her from this hideous situation through a family intervention. That’s how I came to know about all of these thinking patterns. Before this dude came along, I would have never even thought that any of this was possible.

Anyway, it’s now been about 15 years and my cousin has a good, hardworking and loving husband who loves her kids. She is completely estranged from the ex-husband and he has no idea where she lives.

@Kardamom I’m sorry you and your family had to go through that. It was like a light bulb went on over my head when you explained it. Thanks.

Don’t know. Ask my ex wife. She never worked a day, got all my money, and she still dogs me constantly. Some people are simply satanic. Who knows what poisons a person’s soul. Having said that, dumping her was a breathtakingly great choice.

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I think when an ex goes out of their way to make your life miserable, it is because they are still in pain and they aren’t over you yet. They may not even acknowledge this themselves. They may even have ended the relationship but still have feelings and while they don’t want you, they don’t want anyone else to have you or for you to move on from them. It can take a long time to get enough distance between you and someone you loved or perhaps still love.