How can my boyfriend convince his aunt to let him stay with me for my birthday?

You are 18 and live in your own apartment. He is 19.

I don’t see the issue here. He should tell his aunt to back off. You are both legally adults though he is technically under his aunt’s jurisdiction, being under her roof and all…

He should have said ” I’m going to Iowa next month for a few days.” not beg permission. If he is going to be a man about it, nineteen is old enough to get started.

Does he have the money to make the trip on his own? Does he have other responsibilities he needs to be taking care of at that time? If he can afford the trip, all he really needs to tell his aunt is that he’s going out of town for a bit to be respectful to her since he lives with her. Since he’s over 18, he doesn’t really need her permission.

Is he expecting her to pay for the plane ticket?

There are times when you ask, and there are times when you announce. “I’ve bought a plane ticket, and am going to Iowa on Feb. 6 and will be back on Feb. 15th” is different than “Can I go to Iowa to visit my girlfriend?” or “Will you buy me a ticket to go to Iowa to visit my girlfriend?”

In the first instance, he’s old enough to go, in the second two, he’s not. They’re not going to like the idea. They will, however, get over it, unless you turn up pregnant from the visit.

Sometimes it’s easier to ask forgiveness than get permission. It’s not his aunt’s decision, so take it out of her hands. He should just come to your place, keep his cell phone off, and have fun with you. When he goes back, he can remind his aunt that she doesn’t get to make all of his decisions.

He has the money for the plane tickets. He already talked about getting time off from work and he would only be missing one day of school. I already brought up going without permission and he said they would kick him out of the house.

Has he directly asked them if they would kick him out if he were to go visit you? Or is he just afraid they would do it? He needs to sit down and talk with them about his responsibilities and the expectations they have for him while living in their house and go from there.

That’s a really good point. I’m pretty sure he just assumes they would kick him out. I think they would too.

Why would they kick him out? Does he make a habit of defying them, or are they just insane?

He doesn’t defy her a lot. He tells her every night where he is going to be. She’s always just been overprotective. However, there was one time where he was with me and he didn’t tell her. He says that’s when she lost trust in him, but I really just think she is extremely overprotective.

He is 19, he is an adult, why does he have to ask permission?

He has to ask permission for everything. Now that I think about it, he should’ve bought the tickets without asking, but he already asked.

He just needs to sit down with his aunt and talk to her like a mature adult. He needs to acknowledge her concerns (about the two of you being alone and how she doesn’t trust him) and explain to her that he’s learned a lot since then and that he is planning to be smart about his trip. Doing this will show some maturity on his part and that he is trying to be respectful. He can explain to her that he really wants to see you and that he wants to know that he’ll still have a place to live when he gets back if he does go to see you.

Sounds like there is more going on than can be listed here. You are both adults. It sounds like she may never approve. Unless there are other circumstance, he is old enough to simply enjoy a trip without worry of being kicked out. If that is the case, it does not sound like a healthy place to be anyway.
I hope this proves to him what directions he need to think for the future.

What do you think he should say if he were to buy the tickets despite his aunt’s disapproval? Or would this be a bad idea?

Also, I hope no one thinks I’m really weird for caring so much about this. I never looked forward to anything more than this trip. If he doesn’t come next month, I won’t see him again until November.

Rent a hotel room, tell aunt you have a hotel room

it is up to you weather ether or both of you use it

I thought of telling her he got a hotel room too. But I think she would assume we were lying or that we’d just stay in the hotel room.

He could sit her down and just say something like “I understand you don’t think I’m ready to go, but I feel I am. I’m letting you know that I’m planning to take this trip and I hope I will still have a place to live when I get back.” or instead of the “I hope I will still have a place to live when I get back”, he could ask “will I still be welcome when I get back?”.

@Seaofclouds Thank you! That’s perfect!

I don’t get it. You are both adults, why on earth would you need permission from someone else?

@sarahpez13 Why does he have to ask permission? He is an adult.