Should I cut complete contact with my ex?

What do you want to do? I can’t imagine just walking away from someone that you spent 5½ years with without looking back.

you need to find out what he means by “still wants you in his life.” And what were your expectations after 5½ years? Did you expect to get married? Soon? In a few years?

If you think you can be friends with him, stay in contact if you want. But be clear to yourself and to him, that you are either friends, or lovers, but not both. But if it is over, it is over, and the faster you come to terms with that, the better.

Hang in there, you can survive this. It does hurt though, so be easy on yourself.

Well, I think he made his decision that it will be platonic. Yesterday he said he loved me and we both said some sappy things.The video chat was platonic and short. I’ve been his friend before we dated…I knew him for 10 years! So it’s just weird to let go of someone you knew half your life. I don’t think we’ll be getting back together at least any time soon…or at all.

I think he is scared shitless and the Army is his guiding light in his life now and to juggle commitment to the service and a woman he is to leave behind is a serious challenge. It sounds to me he is testing his own resolve and trying to protect you from the inevitable separation you both face at the same time. The one thing you have going is 5½ years together and that just may be the glue that holds you two together through this trying time.

@Cruiser, he didn’t say the Army was the reason why his feelings changed. He THINKS it may be but he’s unsure why his feelings aren’t the same. A few months ago he did talk about how scared he was that I’d leave him during his deployment and how the other soldiers talked about how terrible it was missing their wives/gfs and obsessing with them.

Whatever the reason, if he needs me during his deployment to support him…I will. I don’t think I can live with myself if I didn’t and something happened to him.

He’s learning an Afghan language right now until June. Then they go for training and in September or October they leave for Afghanistan for about 9 months. Then afterward he MAY go on a mission trip to Australia. I think he realizes how much he’s got going with his life while mine stays the same… Don’t know why he’d break up over that but oh well.

well maybe he just wants to spend some time away from the relationship, he probably has alot on his plate already…or maybe he feels bad about still being in a relationship with you and not being able to be there with you. Maybe he feels like he bringing you down…Its really up to you…I’m still friends with the person who first broke my heart (four year relationship)..and we get along well..I no longer have feelings for that person, but we’re good friends…People come and go, and there are many other people who are out there looking to fall in love with someone like you….It’s alright to feel like its the end of the world or anything of that sort..put it will all soon pass with time…and you might find someone new, maybe even better.

Sorry to be so cruel, but buy him a box of Kleenex and go on with your life. If he is going to be deployed, the distance between you two, will only add to the misery, for both of you. For some strange reason, I have a feeling that he has an emotional problem?

Could this be it?

Its still very early, still very new, and frankly still very unfinished. If you feel it would help you could try cutting contact for the time being (and only you would know when to restablish it, and it can be a tricky “game” to play).

Hope it works out for you.

What do you mean a tricky game to play? We both aren’t really the type to play games and always kept things real with eachother. I’ve talked to my sister about this and I think I’m going to tell him tomorrow I want to have NO CONTACT with him, DELETE HIM from Skype, Facebook, and all that. It sounds like the hardest thing ever and that I’d have urges…but I feel I HAVE TO GET USED to not talking to him every day because 5½ years is a long time to talk every day. I can’t wake up every day expecting his text/call because he’s been contacting me since the break up every day.

I don’t want to have to look at his Facebook page and be hurt by flirty messages from women. I don’t want to feel the need to see if he’s online and wait for him to message me. He is afraid that this will cause us to drift FURTHER apart and finish everything we have but someone please tell me this..

If we were meant to be friends and be okay, then after no contact for a while they would still want to contact you. Even if we did keep in touch almost every day now..it’s still possible to drift further apart regardless of no contact..RIGHT?

Also, I think this will give him a chance to actually miss me and realize what life without me is really like. Good or bad? I don’t know, but I hear that no contact helps the healing process… I think? I love him so much and when we Skype I just think about hugging him, kissing his lips, and everything! I keep fantasizing us getting back together.. I do want us to be able to be cool one day even if we don’t be together. I also feel like I must see him before he deploys because I can’t stand the thought of not seeing him one more time if this may be his last…if anything were to happen to him.