Why did his feelings change for me?

To be honest, this sounds like infatuation. Generally in these cases, “love” is simply an exaggeration of feelings, and tend to vanish quickly. Given your presumed ages (I guess at about 20–22?), that seems accurate enough.

Although, without further information on your relationship before this issue, I can’t make really diagnose the problem with accuracy.

Dear Chelle, he says his feelings have changed and so I think you have to accept that is how he feels. Why, whether he will change back… who knows? He probably can’t answer those questions. While I understand what I am going to suggest is incredibly hard, the best thing you can do for you is to take what he is saying as truth and start to do things for yourself that allow you to begin to move on. Even little things. Phone your girlfriends and organise to go out. Don’t hang around waiting for him to change his mind, it may never happen. Make your life your priority and if in the future, he feels he made a mistake, you can then decide if you still want him or perhaps you will have moved on to the point where it will be you who says, no. Take little steps but focus on you and your life.

Everything @Mz_Lizzy said :-) You have to trust that he knows what he feels and let him fly as the old saying goes x

From a mans point of view: question him, in-depth, about someone else. If he truly loved you, the distance would make no difference. I have known people that have kept their love alive for each other, some 3,000 miles away and I have known people that could not keep their love alive, living across the street from each other.

Without a doubt, something has changed his feelings for you. Check for outside sources.

The separation could be a problem, his focus has shifted to his Army career; truly, it could be a number of things. Sometimes, though painful, people just grow apart.

Allow him space, but allow yourself the same. Waiting for calls or texts can put you in an emotionally weak state.

Good luck to you.

i seem to remember you had a problem in the fall of 2010 – something where you suspected him of cheating. you asked the question on here. i can’t search now because i have to get ready for work…..care to refresh our memories?

I know we’ve already talked a little bit about this Chelle, but I wanted to add a few more things. I know you guys have been together for a long time. The military can change a person. It changes their priorities and they tend to see things differently a lot of the time. As hard as it is to deal with, it could have a lot to do with the pending deployment. I’ve known a lot of relationships that have not survived deployments because of various reasons. One reason is because the soldier sees things in a new light and doesn’t want to continue things the way they were.

It could be that he unconsciously pulled himself away from you because of all the pending separations. I mean, you guys have been long distance for a while now and neither of you really knew when it would end. You knew it wouldn’t end while he was in language school or while he was deployed. If he had an assignment in Australia after the deployment, it probably wouldn’t end then either. Granted it sounds like the deployment is really far off, but a lot of couples fight and push each other away a bit before deployments. It’s a coping mechanism a lot of people don’t realize. They start to separate themselves a bit so that saying goodbye doesn’t hurt as much. While not all couples do this, a lot of them do. Then once the soldier is gone, things either get better or worse, depending on the relationship. So, anyway, back to my point, it could be that he was slowly pushing you away in order to spare himself some pain of extended separation from you. And in the process of doing that, he could have stopped loving you. As he pushed himself away, he probably started to not miss you as much and to not feel like he needed to see you as much. Then add those feeling to the mix and it could keep spiraling downward. I don’t know for sure if that’s the case, but it could be.

I know you guys talk a lot, but you and I both know there are a lot of aspects of his life since he moved out to California that you felt like you weren’t a part of (especially since he got into the military). Thinking back over the years of knowing you and your situation, it could be that he didn’t share enough of his life with you for the two of you to grow together over these years.

I’m sorry you have to go through this, but I hope you can find ways to get through it. I wouldn’t sit waiting holding your breath for him to suddenly say he loves you again. You need to make yourself the priority now (instead of him) and focus on what you want and need right now. Good luck and I’m here if you need anything.

His life, in the Army, is a huge change. His daily routine, his priorities, all of that changed. He has been moving on and you have been standing still.

It sounds as though the two of you have grown apart. I do not think his feelings will change back.

The only honorable thing to do is take him at his word and let him go.

THIS all seems so complicated but I sincerely think that the best thing you cn do now is leave it be and don’t make any big decisions just yet.
DO NOT let it put you down in any way. try not to think about it and do something different, get busy.
maybe he will in time be sure of his feelings towards you then, either way.
hope this helps love, xx

He did tell me before how he heard of stories from other soldiers while they were deployed missing their gfs/wives so much and obsessing with them. He said he was scared I’d leave him during a deployment and if I were to not want him anymore to wait to tell him that it’s over when he’s back. But I guess that’s not the case anymore since he doesn’t want to get back together.
I guess he’s got to go down his path in life without me. We had a really good relationship of 5½ years…I have plenty plenty of good memories. Our breakup wasn’t nasty…it was really sad but it wasn’t bad as most people’s…

i know how you feel love, it’s part of life . . . hopefully it’s for the better.
my best wishes to you for the future. XX