Are you what other people think you are?

Not at all. My friends first thought that I was a total stoner, and that my favorite music was death metal.

How about you?

I have no idea. I have a small circle of friends who really know me and maybe sometimes I think they can be a bit unfair and more critical of me than I think I deserve but I don’t think there’s a tremendous mismatch. I’m actually surprised sometimes at how well they know me. And they seem to be surprised that I am surprised that they’ve actually, somehow, managed to figure me out after 20, 25, 30 years. But there are things that people, even the ones who know me well, don’t know about me but those are things that I don’t want them to know about me, and who knows? They may have figured those things out long ago and it’s only me that thinks they’re still a secret.

Yes and no. People think I’m a nice, dependable, trustworthy person. This is true. I try to be nice to everyone, but if you push me too far, I’ll go off on you (it takes a lot though). People can depend on me most of the time. I always come through with my promises. It might take me a while, but I come through. I would call myself trustworthy. I don’t repeat things often. I’m not fond of gossiping.

The lies: I have a very happy, playful, silly disposition (it’s a way to keep myself safe I guess). Anyway, this applies from time to time. I can be the playful person people like and I can also be a very depressed emotional girl. The second one is that I’m open. This is entirely untrue. I try to be open with people, but because of past things that have happened, I can’t be. I’m trying to work on it, but I can’t be open with anyone. I usually get made fun of or yelled at if I do. Not to mention it makes me uncomfortable. (<- saying that made me uncomfortable).

since you asked @XOIIO, I’m often. online and irl, described as “kind”, “sweet” or “wise”; descriptors that don’t at all match the inner turmoil, so I wonder if that is common? Are you really what you project? Do other people know more about you than you know about yourself? Or is there a better way to show your true self? Should you?

About half the time. The other half, people think I’m a woman.

In real life i’m an absolute open book, what you see is what you get. It’s the same on here although because I ask a lot of stuff about movies, i’m probably known as the “movie guy.” Not in the least bit true, well….I do like my movies, but my kids my home life & sport dominate my landscape. All things movie are fairly well down my list of priorities.

I’m never really sure how people see me, so it’s hard for me to say. There was this Facebook or email thing going around a while ago, where people would post a one word description of you. The one that really surprised me was “deep”, and that was from my best friend! I don’t think I’m particularly deep, so I’d say that’s off. And if she doesn’t know me, who does?

I have a hard shell around a soft, inner core. Some people only see the terse, business-like exterior.

Good question. I think the answer is “sort of.” Or rather others have insight into who we are that we may not if we lack the ego-less introspection. If I think I’m great at fixing cars, but 50 people tell me I’m not, it is possible I’ve developed a delusion about my skills. But no one knows your inner thoughts (that you’ve admitted to yourself) like you, so no one can truly tell you who you are.

I am quite introverted and I feel misunderstood frequently. I think only my good friends really know me well. I try to see myself objectively through other people’s eyes but it’s hard. I love it when someone gives me a mirror moment. They express something to me that shows how they percieve me and it is how I see myself. If you are attentive to me, appreciative and curious, I open up. Otherwise, I can be quite guarded. Of course there are moments when someone makes you realize something negative about yourself too! Those moments aren’t so great! Yeah, I like to think of myself as a nice person, but like anyone else who is honest with themself, I do things that aren’t so nice sometimes.
One time someone said to me “You are soooooooo sweet! Do you realize how sweet you are?!” and I said ” I am NOT sweet!”
Another time my ex boyfriend’s Mom said, “She’s going to go to New York City! They’ll eat her alive there!” meaning I would never succeed. She didn’t like me much
I am actually much tougher than I appear to be.

I think people tend to think more of me than I think of myself. But I see them as thinking of meat my true level of incompetence and idiocy at the same time. I’m very lazy, but no one ever comments about it. So I don’t know if they know.

But none of it fucking matters. I’m me. Whatever they think of me, they can say or not. It doesn’t change who I am, although it might change what I think about who I am. My goal is to get out of the judging business.

I like to judge myself badly before others do it. Kind of a preemptive self-criticism. If I think I’m worse than they think I am, they have to tell me I’m being too hard on myself. I only do it because I really, really, really don’t want to hear what anyone has to say (unless it’s good). But you can’t have the good without the bad, so it’s better just to think the worst of myself because I can only go up from there.

That probably sounds ridiculously convoluted and stupid, but there it is. It’s an Issue with a capital I. Maybe some day I won’t care about what others think of me, but until then I don’t want to hear anything, good or bad.

wundayatta You say it doesn’t matter (what people think of you), but then you admit that you care. That’s kind of like me. I won’t change to suit other people, I am quite stubborn that way, yet I can’t say, if I’m being honest, that I don’t care what they think. I care mostly about the opinions of people I respect and like but it still bothers me when I feel misunderstood or unappreciated by anyone. And I totally do the same thing that you do, the “preemptive self-criticism”! As if to say, you can’t tell me about my faults because I already know what all of them are! I am aware of them and I am my own worst critic!
P.S. if you are lazy it must be physically lazy….you are a thinker.

Heck no. People stereotype me into one categolry when i REALLY CAN’T BE DEFINED IN JUST ONE WAY.People have thought that I have this great life and that nothing could be wrong when it is really the opposite. Sometimes you put on an act because you can’t let your real self show through.Even some of my friends who are really just flaky friends I have to pretend and lie around them because those are just how the social dynamics are around me which just sucks.There’s only ONE true friend who I can be myself with but she lives all the way in Texas. I’mnota loser. Gosh I hate when people use that word to describe someone who is different from them.

Work lazy, @Earthgirl. I’m always goofing off and trying to do what I’m supposed to do with the least amount of effort and time so that I can do more fun stuff, like fluther. I’m lazy when it comes to doing things I’m supposed to do, but I work very hard at things I enjoy, like writing. But there again, I am lazy. I just want to write. I never want to revise. I never want to try to sell anything. People tell me I could sell it, but I’m too lazy to find out. It sounds too much like work. That way I can also hold on to the delusion that someone might value my writing enough to pay me for it while not actually getting proven wrong.

I am, like everybody else, multifaceted. I am thoroughly everything that I seem to be, though I don’t seem to be it all at once.

I struggle with having a good sense of self. As I have told my wife “I don’t lack confidence, I have a great deal of respect for myself, I am a good person, but I get very unsettled by not knowing how I look (persona) to the outside world.”