Counselors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and other knowledgeable people of Fluther, what are the right and wrong responses to a suicide threat?

I’m not in the profession. I just play a therapist on Fluther. Reference to an old ad on TV when I was a kid.

In my opinion, it is best to be sympathetic to the position the person is in. Empathetic even. Try to remember what it felt like when you were thinking of suicide. If you never thought about it, it’s probably not a good idea to answer.

Do not accuse the person of being selfish. That just makes the person feel worse. They blame themselves for even thinking about it, and feel worse about themselves. They do not need to feel worse about themselves at this time. They really don’t.

I found, when I was suicidal, that one of the most helpful things was talking to others in my position. Other people, it seemed, just didn’t get it. The most helpful thing to me was talking to a friend who was also thinking about going. I didn’t think I could do it on my own, so I wanted her to agree to go with me. She didn’t exactly agree, but she was willing to discuss possible methods.

I’m sure that sounds like the last thing anyone should do. Help someone figure out how to do it? That’s crazy, right?

Well, I don’t remember what we came up with, but what I do remember is that after a while it began to sound absurd, and we started laughing and then we couldn’t stop laughing. I think we laughed for an hour. My stomach was seizing. I couldn’t breathe. That kind of laughter.

Of course, who can think about dying when you’re laughing like that? Laughter builds you up. But I doubt if many people can see how funny suicide really is. Everyone takes it so, so seriously, and that makes people afraid to talk about it. Afraid to get involved. It’s all about advising the person from a distance. Like you’re somehow better than they are, even if they did ask for advice.

The best support comes from people who are peers. Peers can’t condescend. Peers know exactly what is going on. Peers get really sad when they remember what it was like. Peers know that suicide is also about a lack of connection; especially a lack of love, and so we cannot help but love the people in our predicament.

I’m sorry. I don’t know what the professionals say. I just know what I think works; what worked for me. I honestly don’t know if the professionals know what they are doing. Presumably they have studies to support their treatments. I don’t know what those studies say.

But seriously. It sounds so hokie. What someone who is ready to die wants is love. Believable love. Not just protestations, but the real, I can feel it in my stomach, love. Not romantic love, although that helps, but the truly caring about you love. You make a difference to me and I’ll do anything to keep you alive love. I’d do that for you. Would you do that for me? ‘Cause you’re not the only one who feels like this.

Ask if they have a plan. Plans are bad.

If all they do is talk about it, it’s likely that the behavior is attention seeking. If so, it’s best to instruct the person that they need to get help, but do not engage the behavior. It will only feed into their dysfunction.

Treat their threat as a serious sign of distress. If you don’t know how to access lethality then take whatever steps necessary to make sure they are seen by one of the professionals you cited in your question. Better safe than sorry.

Don’t jump to the conclusion that it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Many are suicidal because of a permanent problem, not a temporary one – and even if the person tells you what’s bothering them, there’s often something deeper that they haven’t mentioned. Be open to what they have to say – a knee jerk reaction of “DON’T!!!” isn’t really helpful, since you definitely aren’t the first person to react that way, but it feels more like “Don’t you dare, because that would be an insult to me, but then I’m definitely not going to stick around and take advantage of your continued state of living”. It can also feel like a very generic brochure response and part of what is making (some of) them suicidal is being treated as a generic person, instead of an individual.

@wundayatta you are right that telling a person they are selfish is the worst thing you could say. They are not thinking about hurting other people. In some twisted way many feel that they are relieving their friends and family by exiting life.

Suicidal threats are to be taken very seriously. @hawaii_jake the link you posted on that thread to the metanoia website has the best information I have ever seen on on how to steer someone to accessing help.

I’ve been suicidal and I’ve tried to commit suicide. What got me through was core group of people who loved me that were willing to lock me up in a psych. ward when I needed to be locked up. But I also knew I needed help and accessed as much help as I could when I could.

I’ve been in therapy for 13 years breaking down the walls that held back a torrent of traumatic experiences. It is fucking hard work….learning to trust people again. But it has been worth working on. I have a strong relationship with my husband, my children and my friends. Without them I would be dead.

@tranquilsea ”I have a strong relationship with my [wife], my children and my friends. Without them I would be dead.”

Ditto.

“Q-P-R” Question-Persuade-Refer” (kind of like CPR, for people who are suicidal). Question the person, ask them straight up about their feelings, their plans about suicide, and, do they have the means to actually accomplish it. Then talk to them directly about how they can get some help. What help is available in your area (this means you’ve got to have an idea before you jump in there, even if it’s just the phone number for the suicide hotline). Help them get to a referral source if you can—take them to the hospital or a counselor if they need that, or help them tell someone else, if they need that. But don’t just let it go. Administer “QPR”—you can find out more at: http://www.qprinstitute.com/

Thanks, @thinksamy. Great answer and welcome to Fluther.