Is it bad that I can't remember which month my SO and I started going out (it will be two years..in the next couple of months???)? And, how do I find out without looking like a chump?

1— line something up, a gift or whatever
2— wait for your SO to get pissed off and say “you forgot!!!”
3— bring out whatever you lined up in step 1 and act like you had a plan all along
4— take note of the day for next time.

PS. I am dead serious.

Can you check old emails, texts, or credit card usage? Maybe something will jog your memory.

You should be able to remember things like the weather you endured together, the events you attended early in the relationship, triangulate the week that way. There is lots of information on google about weather history and lots of event information on facebook that can tell you what was going on around the week(s) of your first dating.

I know I met my girlfriend face to face on 6/25/06 because of our emails. go back looking for your first email to or from her.

what did you do on your first date? what was the first movie you went to? what sporting event did you watch together? start thinking about things like that.

and once you got it close, man up NOW and say, “I remember when we first started seeing each other that….” and then own up to not remembering the date, and wanting to make sure you get it right “because it will mean a lot to us.” She’ll be glad you owned up ahead of time, rather than just waited to get it wrong.

Go back and review the details….

Was it cold, real cold or milder winter weather?
Was there snow on the ground if so how much?
Where were you on that first date?
Weekday or weekend??
Day of the week?? SMTWTHFS???
What were you wearing?
Night or day?
Any songs you can recall?
What was the setting? Romantic, public or private?
Did you eat anything you can remember?
What did you drink?
Anything weird or unusual happen if so where and what was it?
Any holidays you can remember?
Were there any sports teams you were aware of or watching at that time?
Did you do anything special for that date?
What did you do the next morning and how did you feel?
Who did you call to tell about this amazing person?
Ask them what day that was!
You should now know the date! ;)

O.K. We’ll get you out of this, don’t worry, don’t panic. What about your friends? Some of them must remember when you got together with her. Can they help you remember? And BTW, if this is year two coming up, what happened on your year one anniversary? It would have occurred around the same date, the same time of year, as your year two anniversary will. :-)

I’m terrible with stuff like this, too. I can never even remember my wedding date! Was it the 20th, or the 21st, I ask myself every freakin’ year. I just own up to it, explain that my memory for dates sucks, and it’s no reflection on my love for him. Other than that, I’d do what others have suggested, and try to piece it together. Good luck!

Don’t worry so much about that, it is mostly the quality of your relationship that counts and not those details. As long as there is love, support and compromise, I would not worry about the rest. Everyday is a celebration of your getting together!

Once you find out, make sure you put it in a calendar, especially on your phone. You can set it to repeat yearly, and remind you of it as well. That has really cut down on the number of birthdays I’ve missed.

So, here’s the thing. If you are really meant to be together, this is just a bump in the road. There’s some good advice above about how to try to remember…relate your experience with her to things you CAN remember. Force yourself to think about it, rather than panicking…the answer will probably come to you.

If all else fails, it really doesn’t matter in the end, if you love her and she loves you. Just make it up to her. This is an aspect of you that she will probably always have to deal with if you stay together, so the silver lining is getting it out in the open now. The idea (above) of having a gift ready is a good one, especially because it shows you really were thinking about an upcoming anniversary, and concerned about it. You could potentially nip this in the bud by just bringing it out in the open, before the s*** hits the fan.

As an aside, are you both girls? If so, I think that’s cool.

Did you post anything at Fluther on or near the date of when you started going out?

And, no, it’s not so bad that you don’t remember these things, as @augustlan has said, she’s not so good at it either and it doesn’t mean at all that she loves her spouse any less but it is sweet that it matters to you, that you would get yourself worked up into such a lather because it might mean something to your partner. That’s what matters, I think, that you care about it because it matters to the person you love. But on the other hand, as might be the case with @augustlan, the person who loves her has come to understand that she is maybe just not good at these things and that it doesn’t mean she loves him any less. The two of you will work it out. I doubt that your relationship hinges entirely on whether or not you are good at remembering dates and anniversaries. And if you don’t figure it out and that hurts her feelings, send her our way. I, at least, and everyone else I am certain, are willing to be witnesses and to attest to the fact that you tried and you wanted to remember because you love and care enough about her to worry about this.

Go back through your old email.

I agree with the others’ suggestions – check your old emails, Fluther, Facebook, photos saved on your computer… Also, @Cruiser has some great suggestions of questions you can ask yourself.

What about Valentine’s Day? If you were together then, you probably did something special for V-Day. Try to think about whether this year will be your second or third time celebrating it. Were you two sort of seeing one another for a while before you became “official”? That might make the date more difficult to pin down.

If you can’t figure out exactly when you got together, don’t worry too much about it. She loves you because you’re @Jude, right? Including the forgetfulness as well as all the loverly stuff :)

If it weren’t for diaries and old calendars, I wouldn’t remember many many things. But in your case since the date hasn’t passed yet just ask your SO. She seems to be very understanding of you and would possibly find your quirkiness humorous. (And this time write it down, would ya!)

My guess is she knows how bad you are with dates and doesn’t expect you to remember exactly, but if you need a hand, I’d volunteer to be your substitute chump if you’d like. PM me if you’re interested.

One final suggestion…maybe go back and check your replies here? Maybe you made a comment or two about this wonderful girl you just met?

Don’t feel bad.
I forgot my one year marriage anniversary. I came home,saw a beautifully wrapped gift on the table and said,“What the hell is this?” XD
He did a jig and said he was the luckiest guy on the planet! XD XD XD
It is like a “Get out of jail free card”
I have been working on damage control ever since. ;)

My emails end at Feb. 2009, then pick up in June 2009 (home emails). With Facebook, the way that they have it now, I would have to go back over 9000 messages.

I’ll figure it out.

Eek, it’s not bad but it can be perceived as bad by your partner. I hope you figure it out.

Try discreetlly asking someone else who knows you both.

Try desperately to remember some type of holiday that happened around the same time.

Dig frantically through your drawers (and e-mail) to see if there is an old calendar that would have some indication of the date.

Go back fondly through your old fluther posts and see if you said something about it.

If all else fails, buy her something sentimental and sweet and give it to her and explain, gently that you have forgotten the date and could she please tell you and mark it with a kiss in your current calendar. ;-)

Did you give her something for or do something with her on St. Valentine’s Day in 2009? If so, then perhaps you can narrow the date down to sometime on or before 14 February.

If not, and you remember doing something for St. V’s in 2010, then perhaps the date is sometime after 14/2.

I remember the date of my first date with my wife (16 January, 1994), but she usually doesn’t.
However, I realize that people don’t necessarily remember the same things that others do, and I know how much she loves me by what goes on in our relationship the other 364 days of the year.

Anyway, for me the fact that you’ve been with her for almost 2 years begs the question, what happened regarding this last year?

Marry me @Jude, and it wouldn’t matter. We could blissfully live our lives without ever being aware of another anniversary.

But I say it’s ok to ask her. Better to know, even if she ribs you a bit, than to miss it when she’s expecting something romantic. In fact, you may get points for caring enough to ask.

I am about to find out now.

It was the last weekend in March!! Phew!

How did you find out?

Yay!

@wundayatta I asked her, lol.

Me: Okay, so, this has been bothering me for days. It was a confusing time and my memory is terrible. (don’t hate me for this, but,), when did we first start going out? I know that it was in March or April.

Her response: I love you with all my heart!!! You are so cute!!!

Our first official date was at the end of March.

Yeah! @Jude. LOL. Duh! Yet, no one suggested: “Why don’t you just ask her?” A very good lesson though. We should always remember that if someone truly loves us we should be confident that they love us, though are maybe not always entirely happy about it, not only for who and for what we are, warts and all (e.g. the kind of person who just can’t remember dates, dammit, no matter how important they might be) but very often love us even more for the better person we want to be for them, because of them, because we love them (e.g. wanting so much to be the kind of person who can remember important dates).

Yay!

@lillycoyote Yet, no one suggested: “Why don’t you just ask her?”

What am I? A potted plant?

I would like to suggest you actually read through the comments before you make assertions like that. You will also note that she took that course of action right after I provided that very advice. Whether or not there’s a relationship between my comment and her action, I’ll leave to you. Or you could ask her ;-)

I would also like to note that I predicted her SO’s reaction pretty well, too.

@Jude – I told you she loves you for being you, forgetfulness and all :)

@wundayatta I guess I’m another plant in the pot with you! See my last suggestion on my post.

@Jude, so glad that you found out and that she was happy to tell you. The best thing is, if you ever forget again, you can ask us!

That happens to me all the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made a comment early on a thread, or sometimes a comment with the exact answer and information the OP is looking for with links and everything and then 5 or 6 comments later someone says exactly the same thing and everybody is “Oh, great answer!” and the OP says “Oh, thanks! That’s exactly what I was looking for” and I’m screaming in my head “Am I effing invisible or something? What am I, a potted plant?” I suspect it happens to a lot of people, a lot of the time. I used to let it get to me, but mostly I just let roll off my back now. I would like to suggest you try that too. :-)

I apologize @wundayatta and sorry to you too @Kardamom, from one potted plant to another.

@lillycoyote apology accepted. You’re right, sometimes there are just too many posts and sometimes you just want to give an answer without reading what everybody else said. Guilty as charged, I’ve done it too. : ) The water’s rollin’ off right now.

@Kardamom It’s not always easy though, I’ve give you that.

I forgive you. As you know, it’s annoying. I don’t usually insist on getting credit for something, but in this case, it just felt too unfair, so I had to say something. But the most important thing is that @Jude‘s problem was solved.

Some people aren’t good with remembering the dates of significant events. Their brains just don’t work that way.

I have a very numbers oriented brain – I ‘think’ in measurements of time, distance, size. I can do math in my head with very little effort – for example, it blows me away that not everyone can convert fractions to percentages. Five sixth’s (5/6)? Instantly, 83.33% pops into my head. Same goes for dates/measurements of time.