For those of you who have good friends and a SO, (either/or), but, don't really have family, how do you cope?

When I lived in a big city away from my kids (far away), I surrounded myself with friends. It truly helped me get through the pain of separation. I could call friends and at a moment’s notice be with people who really liked me. The friends came because they wanted to and because they cared, not because they thought they had to like most of my family would do.

This is a difficult challenge for sure. My closest family members are 1400 miles away and others are 2700 miles away.
Needless to say, I keep up with my parents about every 2–3 days and sibs once a week on the phone. I visit about 2 times a year and one summer visit is for 3–5 weeks long.
Other than that, I stay very very active in many aspects. Theatre, small day trips, beach, hiking, group of friends monthly dinner get together, active in daughters school and her friends and their family members have become like family, etc, etc, etc.
The constant contact with others helps smooth the distance of the family. Family also visit me often, so it works out for me..

For most of my adult life I lived have a continent away from my family, I was also pretty disconnected from my spouse at the time. Before I had children I threw myself head first into my career. After the kids came I put every ounce of energy I had into raising them. They also brought me a group of mommy buddies with whom I developed strong bonds. Now I live closer to my family but, other than my sister, I am not close with them. I tend to put my focus on the other relationships that matter to me such as those with my kids and my SO. Right now I am also pretty focused on finishing school.

I have never been close with my family so I have spent most of my life being the adopted daughter of the parents of my friends and lovers. I have always been closer to other people’s families than my own. I consider my family to be my wife and her family and our pets. My blood relatives are the people I see on holidays and who knew me as a child.

I’m totally okay with it, but as I said, I have been functioning like this for most of my life.

I lost my mother four months ago, and being an only child with a single mom, it has been very hard. But I continue to focus on the good times (and I did have a good childhood, so there are many) and with my good friends it has gotten better.

Thanks for the responses.

Close your eyes and fall back on your friends….mine are always there for me!!

@cletrans2col <hugs> I’m so sorry honey <hugs> xx
@Cruiser you’re very lucky, I did that once and not only were they not there, turns out they never had been, except when they wanted something from me, only I was too stupid to see it. Other than a few friends at work, who actually I only see there, I only have my hubby and his family, and our fur/feather babies. I am wrapped in cotton wool by my honey, and get on great with my inlaws, but it can feel kinda lonely at times, when hubby is at work and I’m alone with my thoughts. I don’t know how much of that though is me, or maybe the depression? I have a great life compared to so many, and I know how lucky I am. We don’t have money, who does these days, but we have each other, and more smiles than tears, so to answer your question honey, I suppose I try not to think about it, and concentrate on what I do have instead.
huggles xx

@bunnygrl I am very fortunate and the bulk of that fall back support group is my Fraternity brothers I have 12 of them I know I could even move my family into their homes if the need ever came up.

@SkulpTor you know that there is an old saying that friends we make in college are friends for life, and I do think thats true. The friends I had who let me down (very badly actually) were childhood friends I had known for a long, long time. The one true friend I still have (and I’m ashamed I didn’t mention her above, it dawned on me that I hadn’t when I was in the kitchen seeing to my laundry), but she’s always been there, and even though I don’t get to see her face to face anymore she’s on the end of a phone if I ever need to talk, even when she’s busy. We met in college, well it must be nearly 20 years ago, and I know if I ever really do need her, she’d find a way to get here. I’m so glad that you’ve made friends like that too honey, these really are friendships for life <hugs> xx