Would you break up with someone if they didn't have enough in common with you?

No, @ woman doesn’t have to like everyhting I like. They have to be somewhat compatible but not 70% compatible.

If you read over what you’ve written, you will know the answer for yourself. Marriage is for a long, long time and you want to be able to talk to your partner.

You’re a bit young to be heading into something with no spark. Go for the spark my friend, it’s the only way.

It works better if you are more compatible. If the spark has worn off and your conversations go nowhere, you probably should consider, as you are, that this may not be the relationship for you. Personally, I could never be with someone who didn’t share my politics. Politics are about fundamental values and personal philosophy. If you don’t share the same values, I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors by staying in the relationship.

Welcome to Fluther.

It seems that you’re young and still finding yourself. So my recommendation would be to continue to do that. Don’t necessarily “break it off” with the guy that you’re currently “with”, but do tell him that you want to date other people. And then do that.

As you’re looking for the right person to be with long term you’ll be finding yourself along the way. And you should definitely find both of those people (or at least find out that you don’t want to be with anyone long term, if that’s the case).

Compatibility doesn’t have the effect that you would think that it might. The woman I’ve been head over heels for is Hindu, doesn’t eat beef or pork, is a Yankees fan and votes a straight Democratic ticket. On the other hand, I’m an atheistic meatitarian Red Sox fan who doesn’t vote (and would probably never vote for a Democrat or a Republican anyway). We have great conversations.

I wouldn’t judge a relationship on conversation alone…there has to be respect and a genuine desire to love each other for who they are.

‘Opposites attract’, yet ‘birds of a feather stick together’ it is paradoxical. That said, I sometimes feel that way with my wife but I’m glad we are opposites because she is better at things I have a deficit in (and I am good at things she can’t or won’t do). You have to just go with your feelings though, because you have to make YOU happy, as no one else will.

I don’t think I would last very long with that guy.
How much time do you want to waste with someone who bores you that much?
Besides,it sounds like you already made your mind up about this other guy.

It sounds like you know what you want. I’d go for the spark if I were you :-)

Although this man sounds like a perfectly great guy, he’s not the right guy for you. If you stay together, it’s likely that you’ll have less and less to say to each other and might end up resenting each other. It’s not fair to him either. It’s not the fact that you guys are opposities (although that doesn’t help) that is the problem, it’s just that you don’t have much to talk about and that, in and of itself, will doom a relationship. And you simply don’t feel a spark. But you should also realize that when you meet someone that you do have a spark with, unless you have a much deeper connection with that person, the spark will cool after awhile. But what you want to have after the spark cools down is a warm, content, connected low burning passion. If you don’t have that, your heart will die.

If I had nothing in common with another person I wouldn’t want a long-term relationship with them. It’s nice to have different interests as well, and not be in each other’s pockets all the time, but I think any relationship (or even a friendship of any kind) needs some common ground.

You need to break up with him. Hanging on to someone because “he isn’t bad” is no reason. You will be talking to your significant other every day for ever. Can you imagine this guy in that role?

“Who really isn’t bad at all?” Is that as excited about him as you can get? You don’t need all that much in common; chemistry is much more important. Then just emphasize what you DO have in common. What is bad is if he feels differently and gets angry about it. In that case, I’d break it off.

Ive been in that position in the past, and we just drifted apart. Relationship became dull, dull, dull! Since the relationship ended I have found a true spark in someone, a spark I see everyday!
Having a partner who is financially well off and that your parents like doesn’t really matter if you’re having doubts about if you like him enough to be with. You need to be happy in the end.

This is something that really worried me when I started getting serious with my husband. I am interested in nearly everything and his interests are pretty narrow. Too many of our conversations felt like lectures…all I was missing was the lectern. I talked to him about it and he told me that he liked listening to what I had to say. That being said I really love the back and forth that happens with someone in a conversation. I’ve had conversations that have lasted for over 11 hours and only ended when I lost my voice.

I’m lucky in that I have a lot of family so I get a lot of my intellectual needs met by them and by my friends.

We do have some things in common. We wouldn’t have married had we not had anything in common. We ended having most things in common by simply living our lives together. We are both skiers, we love to cycle, we go on long walks, and now he’s my gym partner.

In the end, I really loved him when we got married and I love him more now. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

Consider that you had a view for him and now you say that he doesn’t give you that initial spark. I would look at what changed that you now view him without the spark? Did he change or over time you now have learned who he really is for you? You create him for who he is for you. He cannot create your view of him and therefore look at your view of him. You can then be clear on what you want in life. If you ever think that he will change then you are in for some life education. No one is going to change someone else because you can’t.

While I don’t think it’s necessary to have a lot in common, it is important to be able to communicate properly. If you can’t hold a conversation with him, then it’s pretty hard to build a relationship off of that.

It sounds like the relationship is built entirely societal norms and thoughts. He is financially well off, nice, and successful, everyone loves him, and supposedly you guys make a great couple, but the thing about relationships is just that: relationships are built on the two people they are made up of. I would liken your situation to that of an espresso machine, in that, sure it was a nice gift, and it makes your kitchen look cool, and all of your friends love espresso, but all you really want is a nice pot of normal coffee. If you don’t feel like you are able to small talk with him, than you are in a relationship of convenience/ comfort (perhaps for everyone else, if not your own), whether you intended this or not. I’m not sure it should continue, especially if you are as young as you say you are. Life is still ahead of you; find someone who is more than just a boring safe bet who you can’t chat with.

I’m curious, did you realize there wasn’t a spark when this other guy came into the picture?

I would say no, I don’t think it’s necessary to have everything (or even most things) in common. In fact, those different things can be the spice in your relationship. But there are somethings that I think are necessary, like morals and basic values.

Find someone who makes you laugh. It doesn’t sound like the guy you’re dating does this. It’s wrong to date/marry someone solely for financial security. It’s unfair to him; he deserves someone to thing he’s Mr. Wonderful, as much as you deserve Mr. Wonderful.

I would break up with someone if the things we did have in common weren’t enough to build a strong foundation on for the relationship. If you’ve got roots in the same things and they’re just as important to you as they are to the other person, then the other stuff sorts itself out… or at least you learn to tolerate it.

Looks like you’re interested in someone else, so I suggest going for that if you’re not happy.

I think the answer to your quandary begins with “what do you want from this relationship?” Some people are happy to be with someone because they can provide the financial security they desire. Others want the prestige of being with someone who is successful or good looking. Others want a great physical relationship or a companion. Some want all of the above. So – when you think of your perfect relationship what does it look like?

I don’t believe successful couples have to share everything in common or even most things in common – they do have to have a connection on a variety of different levels though. For me being nice – financially well off and successful wouldn’t be sufficient if we have nothing to talk about. You are an individual though so you have to figure out what you need and it also doesn’t matter what your family and friends think either (unless it is an arranged marriage and that’s a whole different kettle of fish) – it isn’t their relationship – it’s yours. Try to think about what you need in your partner.

However – I sense you are quite young (and I am not suggesting that is a bad thing). If your bf is also young perhaps you just haven’t explored each other enough to find those connections yet? Perhaps you need to make some of your own memories and to learn more about each other? So – I wouldn’t dump him yet but I would make sure you spend some time finding out who he is and how he fits with who you are.

I used to have a strategy (I am a lot older than you though I suspect) for deciding if someone was right for me. In time no matter how gorgeous we are our boobs and bums droop. We get wrinkles and aren’t as visually gorgeous as we once were. Equally – I can make my own money and success – I don’t need to live off someone else’s. So I used to try to imagine myself sitting on a park bench with the person when I am in my 70s (or quite a while in the future for you perhaps). What would we have in common? Would we still be talking animatedly about things that interest us – that we agree or disagree on – that we are passionate about. Would we be sitting silently but very comfortable in each other’s company or would it be awkward and we would have nothing to say to each other? It helped me to consider whether the person was right for me. I don’t know if it will work for you but listen to your heart and your instincts. Good luck.