What do you do when you dislike your University?

Sorry to hear how you are impacted by your experience at this school. You are asking so I will give you my advice. I would say from all the negative things you have said about the school and the students that you have a strong view that you hate/dislike the school Try this on for a moment. Put aside those views of your life right now. They aren’t going to go away so just let them be. Now ignore those feelings and DECLARE that you enjoy the school, the other students are just trying to survive the experience as well, you are an amazing student, that you as the student can do two years easily and that you will enjoy it there, DECLARE that when you wake up it is a new morning with a new opportunity to grasp more and to learn more and that you are extremely happy with who you are. If you can really do this and create your school and the others students in a different view then things we be as you DECLARED them to be. You are your own creator of your situation. Good Luck.

Could be that the dreariness of the season has a lot to do with your frame of mind right now. Winter has been a bitch over there this year, and the days are very short yet at that latitude. Day after day of gray takes an emotional toll that we don’t always recognize and sours our whole outlook. My daughter is at uni in England, too, and even though she’s normally a very upbeat person, she’s looking a bit down in our regular Skype sessions.

Speaking of which, Skype is a true godsend for the homesick expat. Do get a good Skype-ful of your family and dog on a regular basis.

So maybe this would be a bad time to try to plot a change of course. Wait ‘til Spring and see if the mood lifts.

Cheers.

Wow, there’s a lot to cover here.

My first impression from reading your post is that you’re sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. How other students choose to conduct their affairs is their business, not yours. It’s not your place to judge them. Letting their choices, and your judgement of their choices, depress you only compounds the issue.

Secondly, if “Nigel” is always complaining he’s poor, but goes out every night and spends money, and you don’t like Nigel because of that, stop spending time with Nigel? You’re at a sizable institution in a sizable town, right? Ditch your crowd and go find others. Find new hangout/study places. Branch out until you find people and places you fit into?

Thirdly, the binge drinking and hook-up culture permeates the American college scene if any of the periodicals I read are to be believed. It was like that when I was in school 20 years ago, and it’s definitely like that at most schools today. I’ve even read where some smaller schools (Antioch, for example) have a serious sleeping-around/group sex “problem”. It’s not a new phenomenon, and changing schools won’t change the behavior of the students around you.

Next, I recommending moving to accomodations where you can have your dog. Based on your previous post we discussed, I think it’s important that you have some animal companionship. So whether you find a local farm or race track where you can spend some quality time with some horses, or whether you ship your pooch over to come live with you, I strongly recommending spending some time with animals. It will make you feel better about the world.

Finally, you need to concentrate on yourself. More than just the first point I mentioned, one of the keys to happiness in life in my experience is in reveling in the things you do control: yourself, and the people you choose to love and be loved by. It’s not realistic to expect things outside of that to contribute to your happiness, and they can definitely contribute to you being unhappy.

So one idea is: make a list. What’s important to you? Ok, we already get that your studies, your family, your dog, horses, and having real friends is important to you. Surrounding yourself with people who believe in scholarship is important to you. Being with people you can relate to important to you. It’s also important to list what you don’t want. You don’t want to spend time with people who are overly-promiscuous. You don’t want to spend time with people who only know how to have a good time when they’re drunk.

Put the list together, and then start adjusting your day-to-day life accordingly. BUILD a life that meets the requirements of you list, and stop worrying about other people (outside of the circle of people you love and are loved by).

Does that make any sense? I hope I wrote that all clearly.

You strike me a smart, thoughtful person, but right now, your life is a mess. Get it back on track by identifying what’s important in your life and what will help bring you happiness, then go out and try and achieve that relentlessly. Cut out the things that make you unhappy. Concentrate on you, and before you know it, you will be a much happier.

Wishing you all the best!

I think you just need to find some people you have more in common with, people you can relate to. Don’t stereotype the English population, they aren’t all the same. Just go out and find the ones you want to be with. The people you described, I find them pretty boring too.

it seems you like the education experience, you just dislike the social aspect of your particular college. what I would do in this situation is try and find some new people to hang out with, ones who share your interests. you can start by seeing what extracurricular activities are available, maybe try writing for the school newspaper or something like that. you might even see if there is a cool club or even something athletic like intramurals. try to immerse yourself in something like that to keep you occupied and to meet as many new people as possible. even when I was in college, many of the people were like that (drinking every night, sleeping around) – I kind of followed along but looking back I wish I hadn’t because I missed out on hanging out with more interesting people. they are there somewhere, it is just a challenge to find them. good luck and try to keep a positive outlook, let us know how it goes. sorry if someone already mentioned my suggestion, I didn’t read through all the posts
-Glenn

All the problems you list with your school experience aren’t specific to UK, you’d face the same at a university here in terms of ‘culture’. You’re just homesick. If you are this unhappy, move back.

Everything David said (he gave some great advice) plus speak to a student counsellor at your university. Having someone to speak to might help. You may be a bit depressed at the moment and might need to speak to a doctor. There is no shame in this. The weather can affect our moods significantly.

Also, do make sure you organise to Skype your family as often as you can. I understand homesickness and it hurts and feels awful. Don’t underestimate how it can affect how you feel. If you can organnise a trip home during your break, that might help too and it will give you something positive to look forward to.

I also agree with the comments about student behaviour made here already. What you are describing is not unique to the UK, I am in Australia and see the same things. As David has said, this is not something you should be concerning yourself with. Let other people choose how to live their lives, you look after yours.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for your feedback. I will try some of the things which have been suggested.

Unfortunately I think the stressful period may just be aggravating me. It is my first year so a lot of the new stress is pretty new plus uncertain. I am very concerned about doing well and all the expectations are very different than lower level school so hopefully it just takes getting use to. There are only 5 more weeks of lectures then exams which is pretty terrifying! I would like to join some societies but I had planned to wait until next year when I had a better idea of how much I can have on my plate at one time.

Also, moving back right now really is not an option. I really need my degree, and want it, so it is just something I will have to get through. I think quitting would make me feel worse. I can’t really tell my parents how I feel about this, since they work hard to send me. My Mom is also pretty over the moon that I am doing my work and I wouldn’t want to concern her with these issues. It is nice when she is ‘happy’.

I do talk to my Mom and Grandma on the phone every day, which is nice. I think it has actually made us closer, since I have been away.

Most accommodation here does not allow pets, but I think I will try talking to my landlord about allowing me to have a cat or something. (He didn’t mind me having a 50 gallon fish tank…) I did notice someone with a dog downstairs in the building, and someone was telling them there were no pets allowed in the building so I will need to find out. I have a goldfish, as cute as it is, it is not too cuddly….

I do actually enjoy the learning part of University, so I am going to work on ignoring the irrelevant annoying factors. Maybe I am a bit surprised with the amount of people that are just attending for the free ride and party. I’m also two years older than most freshmen, and lived on my own for awhile. Maybe I forgot how exciting it is to get away from the parents albeit after being gone awhile, you realise how much they really do! I am sure in a few years I will look back and think of how fast it went…

Sarah, if you want to speak to me privately I am happy to chat to you. I work for a university and see many students who are struggling to find their feet. Feel free to message me.

With the pets, over here our animal shelters are always looking for volunteers, what about seeing if you can take up some dog walking activities or something? Nothing that will add to your anxiety but sometimes working to help others is a great tonic for ourselves.

Is there anyway of connecting in with some other students from the US? Or students who are studying away from home? Some of them are probably feeling the same way.

Sarah, it is normal to feel unsure during your first year and to find the transition difficult and you have to transition into living in another country too. It takes time. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Also, I don’t think you should quit. I think that would be a big mistake. I do think planning a trip (visit) home in the future would help if you can do that though. Even for a week or two during the holidays.

Anyway, message if I can help.

I hated my school. Spent two and a half years, after transferring in junior year, at a place where every friend I made then almost immediately graduated. The culture is very much based in drinking/drugs and the “Greek” life. Or the alternative, “don’t give a crap,” smoke pot every day loser life.

There were also a lot of people there who didn’t give a crap about school, group projects, anything past their social life. There were a lot of users who took advantage of my desire to do well to boost their own grade. That’s college, no matter where you are.

I spend most of the time there wishing I was somewhere else, getting my work done, and planning my life after getting the hell out of there. If I’d had the chance to get the hell out of there, I would have. However, there’s no guarantee that you’ll (or I would have) be happier anywhere else. You need to try and meet some people who have things in common with you. Join a club. If you find some people who have things in common with you who aren’t the type to binge all night, you’ll probably be happier. Just worry about school right now and getting done with finals, you can deal with everything else later.

Students in the UK are such unappreciative brats, i had a strange time at University, what on earth are you studying that takes so many years? take your credits and switch University. Having said all that, the weather here at this time of year is dismal. Get involved in Politics or something where people are serious and passionate.