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tylersmith's avatar

How to start a relationship with your ex girlfriends best friend?

Asked by tylersmith (6points) February 8th, 2011

So me and my ex of a year broke up a couple of months ago. While we were dating we often hung out with one of her friends. They were very close and I became good friends with his girl ,then me and my ex broke up but me and her best friend remained good friends. I could tell even when me and my ex were dating that we had a thing for each other but recently we hooked up. I always thought it’d be nice to have a relationship with a good friend of yours but she insists that nothing more can happen because of her friend…they aren’t even very close now. I would like to pursue a relationship with this girl but i don’t know how. I know she has a thing for me but keeps saying nothing can come from it…help me out

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6 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

If she says it ain’t going to happen, take her at her word. But you may just tell her that if her feelings change to let you know. It might happen soon, or later, or never.

Oh, and slow down, take a breath, and use punctuation. You’ve got three or four sentences held captive, let them be free!

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marinelife's avatar

You can’t make her be in a relationship with you.

You could ask her to ask her friend if it was OK if you two went out, but that is all.

Kardamom's avatar

There are so many other people in the world that you can date. It’s not the best idea to date the best friend of an ex, because there is too much drama attached to the idea.

The “good friend” has already told you that your relationship can go no further. She probably still feels some type of loyalty for her best friend, even if they aren’t as close as they once were. Her best friend, simply by nature of that type of relationship, probably heard all about you and probably gave advice to her friend when you and the ex were together. The “good friend” probably doesn’t want to breach any of that confidence and trust.

It doesn’t matter how or why you broke up with the ex, but if you date her best friend, that ex will probably be hurt and embarrassed and put into an awkward situation. Even if you and the “good friend” never cheated, the ex will now probably suspect that you did and feel even worse about the break up. Also, the ex will now have to hear all about you from her best friend (a horribly sucky situation) and the ex will probably have to be in situations where you are there with her best friend (another sucky situation) and the new girl will be forced to either keep her mouth shut or to avoid her best friend (a sucky betrayal either way you look at it).

After you broke up with the ex, she is probably trying to move on from you, but if you start dating her best friend, it’s like having all of that crap thrown into her face. Try to think about her feelings, even if she’s not your girlfriend anymore. If you start to date her best friend, your ex will probably lose her best friend too.

By getting involved with an exe’s best friend, you are creating a very unpleasnt threesome. Please try to find someone else to date.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

What @Kardamom says, I also agree.

The girl has already made it clear that nothing more can come of it. Let’s not push her to betray her friend.

cak's avatar

That’s just bad news. She’s off limits and she’s made it clear to you, as well. Find another fish in the sea!

wundayatta's avatar

If you want to try to change someone’s mind, you start by listening to them. Find out all their concerns. Then you try to come up with ideas, preferably with her, that would help her address these concerns.

Remember, all the time you are listening to her and listening carefully. Do not interrupt, do not go “but, but…” Let her speak everything before starting to see if there’s anything you can do to address those concerns.

Sometimes, just listening to a woman will let her open up—and realize that maybe she has concerns that she isn’t really concerned about. You do not want to be in the position of countering arguments. If you do that, forget it. But if you can listen and work with her, maybe something good could happen.

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