How does a skeptical person manage to avoid Arrogance ?

Preemptively..yes I have openly told him he is arrogant and shouldn’t be that way, I need more than the truth here, tactics;strategy or general advice are needed I think.

Next time he does it, just ask him (in front of his brow-beaten interlocutors) if he’s got his Hemlock ready, as we all know what happened to Socrates for similar behaviour.

@Odysseus he is cynical, not skeptical, cynicism is socially corrosive, and when it becomes inveterate then it becomes anti-social. It’s a kind of intolerance and even bigoted when taken too far. He’s probably someone who enjoys needling people and making them squirm or feels that he is duty bound to disregard the aura of social tact and burst the bubble of superficiality.

@meiosis , nice.
“Lets not owe another rooster” may work to the same effect.

Indeed @mammal , he is a cynic but also a skeptic. I have seen him bow gracefully to wiser men and women on several occasions it seems to me that meeting his match is really what makes him happy.

We went to an old fashioned country faire early this summer and he ended up debating for hours with an elderly gentleman who put him firmly in his place so to speak. On the drive home and for weeks afterwards he seemed so much happier but now we’ve gotten back to arrogance when we socialise locally.

@Odysseus even women, lol, i guess like Socrates, he has a dim view of women generally, it must be refreshing for him that certain representatives can rescue their gender from total, intellectual mediocrity.

@mammal . “even” lol

You could simply request that he removes his head from his own arse!? :-/
When in company……..

I wouldn’t advise him. I’d minimize my contact with him. And when he asked me why I was distancing myself, I’d let him know what an asshole he was being.

The next move is his. If he don’t shape up, then “F” him.

by knowing that their is always someone bigger… and that IQ is unreliable and meant only for educational purposes

Well, if he has a scientific mind as you say, he aught to bo open to the notion that there are no immutable facts, only probable theories. You might remind him of that.

Tell him to join Fluther. I am sure we have a few people here he could relate to. With that kind of an outlet, maybe he will not feel so compelled to argue with others.

Tell him he needs to STFU.

I guess the real question is, does he enjoy being regarded as an asshole, or does HE want to change? You wanting him to change is immaterial. You’re at the decision point of continuing to hang out with a guy that everyone else thinks is a jerk, or motivating him to change.

It is learned behavior, and is often a defense mechanism for social insecurity – come on with a strong offense so others can’t make you feel bad. My daughter broke up with a guy who was crazy about her because she didn’t want to spend every date arguing with him, and losing.

Why in the world would he feel the need tell you his IQ? In my household, 133 is average.

Obviously his lack of social skills includes bullying tactics.

Reminds me of that saying, ‘do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?’

Let him sink his own ship, then he can whoine that he has no friends when in reality he drives people away with his bulldozing.

‘Intelligence’ goes far beyond mere IQ,
EQ ( emotional intelligence) is just as important, if not more so than basic braininess.

Hardly a way to win friends and influence people.

Matthew 10:16b
be as cunning as snakes but as innocent as doves

Interesting question. I never really thought about this in quite this way. I guess your friend possibly does not identify with the word arrogant. I have a feeling I might come off this way to people sometimes, but had not thought of it as arrogant until you posted this question. I don’t feel like I am better than anyone else. I don’t feel like I more than everybody, I do know a lot about certain topics, as everybody does. I like to debate issues, hear new ideas, like to think I have an open mind. In the last few years I realized that most people generally don’t like to have their thoughts challlenged, and don’t like people who are contrary, who always play the devils advocate. Possibly, if you reword your criticism? Don’t call him arrogant, but rather make it an education in how people react to criticism, or that many people don’t like to have their ideas challenged and he needs to choose more carefully who he debates.

I recently read an article about southerners who attend Harvard, and one southerner said that he is much more conservative than most of the campus, but appreciated that everyone was willing to debate the opinions. I thought that was interesting, because I now live in the south, and so many people here only want to hear people who agree with them (not everybody). I had to get used to that. I actually completely avoid subjects because of it. My point with that is some of it might be cultural. He might have grown up in a family and culture where it was common to do what he does, and no one was offended or annoyed, but enjoyed the challenge.

Jews are known for this type of bickering. There is a saying that if you get 12 rabbis in a room there will be 12 different opinions. Questioning is a cultural requirement almost lol. Plus, there is a tradition of not saying good things out loud (some will say kinahora, like knock on wood sort of) to keep away evil from ruining the good thing. So, I think many feel Jews come across as negative, argumentative, and skeptical. But, they themselves would not think of it as arrogant, but it seems others would I guess. Also, Jews are attracted to and impressed by high intelligence and knowledge, admire it, feel they can learn from it. Other people seem to be intimidated, or feel they don’t match up, insecure. I don’t think only Jews are like this, it is just an example I am familar with because I am Jewish, and notice some cultural differences. Most of my friends are similar to me and not Jewish.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? No amount of psychologists can change the light bulb. The light bulb has to want to change!

I have a friend like yours. He is also very smart. He’s been a journalist and he’s been around the world and he’s had to do things he would rather forget. He’s had difficulty in love.

It’s no surprise because he is always teasing people by making all kinds of allusions and generally making it clear how smart he is. It doesn’t matter what the situation, whether he needs people to help him or not. He is equally mean to all. Even the lawyers and judges he is trying to persuade not to jail him.

He’s smart. He knows what he’s doing. I asked him once, and he said he knows but he doesn’t care. Life’s too short blah blah blah.

I suspect that the same is true of your friend. If he’s as smart as you say he is, then he knows what he’s doing and doesn’t care. You might think you have a better idea about he should live, but that’s you. He may not agree. I would give up on the advice unless he asks for it. Life will teach him, or it won’t. If you want an expanded social group, you may have to do it without him.

The next time you see arrogant behavior from him perhaps try asking him this question:

“Do you want to be RIGHT or do you want to have a RELATIONSHIP?”

It’s about valuing other people’s feelings more than wanting to have the right answer / most knowledge / biggest brain.

I’m sure I’m not nearly as bright as your friend-but I struggle with a critical, judgmental nature. There’s a flip side to every coin, isn’t there? What makes me detail oriented and successful in my chosen career…also can (not always, but can) make me an obnoxious person to be around if I’m not consciously watching what’s coming out of my mouth.

I would issue a challenge to your friend. Ask him to experiment with his interactions with others and tell him that he needs to try only asking questions at the next social event. And not leading ones..but ones to genuinely ferret out the interests of his conversational partner.

Ask him to consider how he feels after that social event…
He may not get to show everyone how smart he is and impress them with his big brain—but he might walk out with new friends and find folks with common interests.

FWIW, I once had a wonderful friend much like the guy you explain. Mensa member – IQ was in the 140s, at the time we were hanging out he was reading Gravity’s Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon for some “fun” “light reading” in his words. (!!) But this guy was a JOY to be around..and hung out with some really diverse folks because he identified more with being a “punk” (BIG Skinny Puppy and Sisters of Mercy fan). He could talk to anyone and his amazing level intelligence never got in the way. I think it was because he had a big heart and was able to see that he had other weaknesses.

Definitely an insecure bully. How about telling him to pick on someone his own (intellectual) size?

Nobody has stated what to me seems like an obvious solution. Just socialize with him when it will only be the two of you and tell him why.

There is a technique for dealing with other people called reflection. When he starts to do it, turn it around on him and start doing it to him to the same intensity he is doing it. He may get it and stop or if he get irritated you can tell him you were doing it on purpose to show him what other people experience from him.

Let him know that when he acts that way, he is not impressing anyone at all. In fact, he is making people not want to hang around him. He probably is enjoying the fact that he thinks others see him as superior, so tell him how they really see him to knock him down a peg or two.

He/she must remember that he/she really knows nothing.

Why would you continue to be friends with this guy? He sounds mean and mentally abusive to your other friends. If this guy was hitting your friends or pulling their hair, would that be ok with you? When you continue to befriend this dude, who sounds like an immature bully (no matter what his IQ) you are condoning the behavior.

If you need to explain to him why you are breaking off the friendship, tell him that he has embarassed and insulted your other friends. You “get” that he is smart, but he has no “emotional intelligence.” Good relationships are built on positive interactions with people. Sounds like most of his interactions with people have been negative. NOBODY wants to be around someone like that.

He sounds like Jim Parson’s character “Sheldon” from the Big Bang Theory. But what is funny in a TV character, is sad and tragic in a real human being.

I think there are probably plenty of people who would enjoy talking with this person, and who would not consider him arrogant in the first place. That said, I’m probably not one of those people! :p However, I do think that it really depends on who he is talking with. As other people have pointed out, he’s the only one who can actually change the way he is… you can try to influence him, but in the end you need to accept him for who he is.

To be perfectly practical, one thing he could try (if he wants) is to say “yes, and” instead of “no, but” in conversations. Even if he says the same thing after that as usual, it just sounds less combative. Similarly, he could try to really understand where the other person is coming from (along with the logic of what he or she is saying), and acknowledge that before contradicting what was said. You could even present it to your friend as a challenge: what is the not-strictly-logical reasoning behind what this person is saying? Maybe he’d get a kick out of trying to figure people out, in his own rational sort of way… like solving a really complicated puzzle.

Most of the answers seem quite condemnatory of your friend, whereas to me it sounds like he might have a touch of Asperger’s. Does he understand that other people don’t like being challeneged?

@meiosis Possible. But, I think half the people in the scientific community with high intelligence meet some of the Aspberger’s criteria. Being analytical, challenging, requiring proof, data to back ideas up. The OP didn’t mention him being unable to look people in the eye, and it sounds like he can be in a social setting. I am not disagreeing with you that he might meet some of the criteria of aspberger’s, but I just hear that term thrown around a lot. Even lack of empathy, I think a ton of women think half the male population lack empathy and are not good at reading face and body language. Especially men who are over 50.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. I would simply flip the switch on him, fight fire with fire. He seems to want to ”challenge” people with issues or questions that accentuate his higher I.Q. simply find something he is not that deep in, I don’t care how high the IQ they don’t know 8everything*, and you and the other friends spin off on that and when he can’t keep up maybe he will see the pattern, if he is as smart as you say, and refrain from starting off that way.

But if one uses logic, you can be a Gump and still not get run over, logic is like math, it usually only works in very limited ways.