Are you harder on your children who share your gender than you are on children who do not share your gender?
My son accuses me of treating him differently than I treat his sister, and of course, I do, but I think that’s because they are different people who need different things from me. Still, I wonder if mothers are harder on daughters than they are on their sons because they know the mistakes they made growing up and they want to protect their daughters. I wonder if men do the same thing with their sons.
And maybe we are easier on children who do not share our gender, perhaps because we don’t really know what it’s like to be that gender. Or maybe because we like the other gender better.
Do you think you are harder on children of your gender? How so? Do you have a theory as to why? Do you try very hard not to do that? Do you figure that’s your job—mothers to guide daughters and fathers to guide sons?
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8 Answers
No because I only have sons , so not sure how I would treat a daughter.
When I was raising a son and three step-sons, I found their behavior and attitudes and needs very mysterious. My daughter was transparent; having been there, I could almost read her mind.
Everyone was mad at me, at one time or another, for something or another thing. It turned out fine.
I don’t need a gender as you know and luckily my sons are too young to need theirs. If I ever have a daughter, I don’t know what I can say to make her feel better about the history of othering and oppressing women in this world. Regardless, I wouldn’t be harder on any of my children based on sex or gender.
I would say we were a bit harder on our sons than our daughter, but it had nothing to do with gender. We were much younger when we had our sons and had less patience. I think many people are harder on their oldest children.
How does the saying go?
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Funny, both my kids claim I spoil the other. My son, the older, is a lot like me in so many ways that he is just a blast to be around. And my daughter has had me wrapped around her finger since about 30 seconds after she was born.
So no, no difference in treatment because of gender, just treated in a different manner because they are different people.
I have no experience with raising girls, but as a child, my sister and I both believed my parents favored our brother.
I think I am easier on my son but not because of his gender, because he is the youngest. I think I am just more relaxed about the whole parenting thing (not that he would agree!). All my children are very different people. I don’t think I focus on their gender differences really.
All nieces, nephews, and children of friends get the same treatment: BB gun when they hit the age of 5.
And then I get new shoes to help me escape the parents. :P
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