Why are women so snobby and catty to one another?

I’m not sure your details are actual examples of your question. When a stranger smiles at me in the gym, I am puzzled about who she thinks I am, so it has nothing to do with your question. I don’t agree with your premise. It sounds to me like you are projecting your own feelings on others with the slightest appearance of evidence.

@YARNLADY nope thats not it at all. Just wondering what happend to people and why no one ever thinks its polite to be nice to strangers anymore. I think its a perfect example. I know plenty of other girls who feel the same way.

@Twinkletoes22 Maybe it’s not specific to women only. It is very difficult to be friendly to every stranger we meet.

I think part of it is biology. For example, when we are ovulating, we are naturally inclined to feel negatively toward other women. During ovulation, we may find it difficult to get along with another woman that we otherwise would get along with. We also rate other women as less attractive while we are ovulating, compared to when we aren’t.
Clearly that is because, from a biological standpoint, during ovulation we are (on a very basic level) seeking out a mate, and see other women as competition.
Having said that – I agree that women seem to be much cattier toward each other than men are. Of course there are no generalizations that are true for every one in a group, but, the stereotype that women are catty toward one another seems to exist for a reason.

No its not specific to women only but it seems to be a bit more common with women. I just dont know whatever happened to courtesy. You never know what one smile to a stranger can do and what one mean look to a person can do. I know every one is stressed out alot of the time but personally I dont let it interfer with being nice and trying to brighten other peoples days.

@Twinkletoes22 I agree with that. I am very bothered by how it is now considered unusual to greet a stranger, and it is often met with a less than pleasant response. I really do see a lot of that, perhaps it is just where I live. Maybe it is different in different regions of the US, but that bothers me, as well.

Lots of savvy feminist authors have remarked that part of male-dominated society involves various ways to encourage women to fight amongst themselves, and therefore reduce solidarity. They’re worth reading, and I won’t try to reproduce their theories because I’m too damned tired.

As for the greeting thing, I think certain areas are more inclined to be stand-offish. I know here in the Northeast eye contact is sometimes considered too forward.

@YARNLADY You have seriously never had a problem with women being catty to you?

Ugh, this is why most of my friends were male in my formative years. I don’t know why it can be this way, I don’t understand it… I guess I’m not your ‘typical’ female. I don’t necessarily think the ‘greeting’ issue is the same thing, though. I don’t encounter much cattiness in women my age these days (I guess we mostly grow out of it?), but I still get funny looks for being friendly and talking to strangers. I don’t let it stop me, though!

I agree with @incendiary_dan…women are societally subtly and almost subliminally encouraged to be competitive, catty, and unsupportive of one another. It is not a generalization, for all people are brought up in different environments, areas of the country, etc. there are many factors at play. But there are also certain factors that may make a woman more “threatening” to another, such as a woman who is extremely beautiful (and catches the eye of all the available males in a fifty foot radius), or one who seems naturally more stand-offish (whether or not she is that way in actuality). Just like with males, there is an invisible hierarchy of girls and women, starting from grade one. It seems to go beyond manners, I think.

Personally, I grew up in a household with a very headstrong, critical mother, a younger sister whom I was always in competition with for our parents’ praise and affection, and a more submissive father. With the patterns I lived through in my formative years, I have always found it harder to relate, communicate, and even sometimes be friends with girls. I have always gotten along with males splendidly, and most of my best friends after age 12 were boys/men.

So just smile at the girl at the gym. If she doesn’t smile back, it’s her problem. She may have any amount of reasons for that, but don’t automatically think it is snobbishness. She may have had a shitty day at work.

@incendiary_dan I’m pretty clueless about making up names for how people relate to each other. I just take what they say or do at face value.

It does really suck. If men did the things women do in public people would think it was really silly. I wonder if womankind as a whole as lower self esteem, so we feel we are always in competition with other women for men and popularity? In a series of self-change I worked on in college one of the things I tried was a “love thine enemies” approach to simple interactions. There were girls I went to school with who I didn’t like for whatever reason, one bad interaction, something heard through the grapevine, etc, so I trained myself to force a positive interaction. This included giving them a compliment in the cafeteria, asking a question about class, or even just smiling. I found that this one interaction canceled out everything before and brought them back in neutral territory.

Honestly, I love when other young women smile at me. I try to smile at every passerby, and young women are the hardest ones to get reciprocation from. It pleases me when they smile first, let alone smile back.

I am female, I often do not smile at people, it has nothing to do with cattiness, I am often distracted or it is simply because I am by nature not a particularly outgoing person. If I don’t know you it is unlikely that I will smile or engage in idle chit chat. Those feelings remain the same in me whether I am ovulating or not. Actually I no longer ovulate and I still feel that way.

I have worked in situations where I was surrounded by males, there is just as much competition and what would be called catiness in women going on between males, it is just called simply that, competition and is not considered a character flaw or undesirable trait in males.

I went to all girls boarding school for a lot of years. I did not encounter catiness. There were some I liked and was friends with and others I didn’t. Usually because I had nothing in common with them or didn’t know them very well or simply didn’t give a damn.

NOT ALL FEMALES ARE CATTY. NOT ALL MALES ARE NOT CATTY. Humans are all different. Please do not denigrate your entire gender because someone doesn’t smile back at you.

Perhaps it is generational.

If it is generational, the stereotype has been going on for a hell of a lot of generations. And I don’t think it was ever true. I think women are so used to being trivialized by men, that they have come to buy into the whole loathsome idea and accept it instead of railing against it.

You are not genetically or generationally predisposed to be catty. It is not in your DNA or your chromosomes. It could be in your individual nature, but it has nothing to do with your possessing ovaries instead of testicles.

While I agree with you that it isn’t something that you’re genetically predisposed to, that doesn’t mean that social influences don’t weigh in heavily.
And, the bit about women having a more difficult time getting along with other women while ovulating, is true.

Keep telling yourself and others this fairy tale and it will be true of you and those who believe you. I would never tell a female child of mine that she is going to be influenced by society to turn into a catty person. I would rather tell her she can be anything she wants to be.

Now to reiterate again would be controlling and catty, so I probably will not say it anymore but I will still resent being told I am something I am not because I have ovaries.

Don’t give up your good manners and friendliness.People like you are a cool breeze :)
There really are alot of nice people out there.You just have been running into the !@#$%‘s. LOL!
It is rare that I don’t smile at people that make an effort to smile at me.

I agree with most of the answers here, I think it tends to be more cultural than biological, but I could be wrong. I always try to tell girls that we need to stick together more and not be so competitive and jealous of one another. But society is constantly saying, you need to buy these clothes, this make-up, this fragrance and have your hair this length and this color etc. Being less materialistic as a society would help the situation.

I can sort of see this happening with guys now, they are being more and more conscious of what they wear and how they look. Which may also lead them the way of us women. I am speaking very generally though, because there are many women who aren’t catty or snobby at all. It just seems to be more abundant amongst us.

I think your question contains a gross generalization. “Why are women so snobby and catty to one another?”

I don’t think that women in general are either snobby or catty.

Just look at this thread for an antidote to your claims.

I am me and speak to strangers. It makes me a happier person, as I can’t imagine doing otherwise. I am private…but, outgoing. Some confuse the two. Don’t give those things another thought. Enjoy your day.

I think girls in HS are especially catty to each other, largely because they see each other as competition.
Just watch girls at a dance. They check out the girls much more than the guys do.

Basic Instinct? Ooh, Sharon just winked at me ;¬}

I don’t really like gross generalizations like that. I’ve been known to be pretty catty/bitchy, but I like to blame that on the pain and wacky hormone crap from my endometriosis. None of my girlfriends are catty at all.

I’m a (female) freshman in high school. I’m homeschooled, but I get out a lot and know a ton of girls who go to the high school in town. Tons of girls are getting into horrible fights and are constantly sizing each other up. I don’t get it. I’d like to make a point, though – Not all HS girls are like that! I think most people here are smarter than to make generalizations, but I thought I’d say it anyway.

I once asked nearly the same question here. Got a lot of the same sorts of responses. Check it out if you’d like.