How to deal with people you can't stand being around?

I work with a couple guys whom I would not consider friends, buds, pals, or anything more than co-workers. I simply don’t say a word to them unless absolutely necessary, and when that case happens, will keep it as short and to the point as possible. Luckily, I don’t see these guys maybe, on an average week, 30 minutes or so total. Many weeks go by I won’t say a thing, not even simple greeting, their way.

Why don’t you try to find some positives and, if nothing else, respect your girlfriends choices of friends.

Nobody is all good or all bad.

Spend a little time with each of them and actually show some interest!

You might be surprised that beyond their quirks you might have something in common.

Remember, EVERYONE wants acceptance and happiness, be a big boy and show some respect and be open minded, you just might be pleasantly surprised.

Whenever I am very bothered by someone, I start looking for things I appreciate about them. If I can focus on those things rather than the annoying things, my attitude is greatly improved.

I realize you might not know these girls very well yet, so figuring out what to appreciate may be more difficult. It might start just with being grateful for the way they have been there for your girlfriend. But even while you’re still trying to figure out what to appreciate, if you spend your time together actively looking for those things, it will give you something to focus on besides your annoyance.

The good part of about wearing hearing aids is that they have an “off’ button. With some of my wife’s friends, i hit the button….......a lot. Glad you are not deaf, but you do have a problem.

You either learn to accept her friends or find someone else. Her friends came first.

I’m sure that they’re cool girls and girls like to chat with each other – a lot (at times).

They’re not the problem, it’s you, guy. Put up with it, or don’t.

You sound a might selfish to me. She is allowed her own friends.
They are her friends and that doesn’t mean you have to share the same view of them. You should also not try to change your new squeeze’s opinion of them. They pre-date you chap and you need to respect that.
Make yourself scarce when they are around. Keep it to yourself learn tolerance or you will become and ex

I think you need to come to some arrangement for alone time together, before you do something you might regret… :-/
Relationships are all about sharing & tolerance, you need to show a little more tolerance & be a little more accepting of her friends…. But try the alone time thing It might help!? :-/

i know people that are just like that. You just have to listen to them and just agree with whatever there saying, there girls! & they like when theres a guy in the picture for his opinion. You have to try & get along with them. You may not like the idea! But you have to deal with it. If they have problems put your opinion in on it. try to keep a conversation going with them no matter how annoying they are.

@Coloma Sorry but respect is earned not given….and when you make statements like “who cares what happens in other countries, it doesn’t affect us…” or “why do people care about the weather, those people are stupid, the weather changing doesn’t mean anything…” and so on… And any explanation on why people are interested in these things gets me “arn’t you Mr know it all….and me friend says this so your wrong….” So giving any respect is going to be hard…

Why not have her enjoy her friends on her own time. Limit the amount of time that you are going to be with her when she is with them.

2nd answer…........

Wife and I play a lot of bingo. Needless to say, bingo halls are very noisy. My wife is like a magnet, a people person, that draws all her lady bingo friends to our table, for a chat session before the games begin. They talk about everything. I made up my mind, years ago, to either join in the conversations, leave and move somewhere else, or just stay home. I must admit that I have learned a lot, by joining in the chat sessions. I may be the only male in the group, but I hold my own. What other choice do I have?

I have often wondered if my wife would chose bingo over me? hmmmmmmmmmmm…...

I’m going to second @marinelife. Limit the time you spend with her and her girlfriends together to almost none. Tell you girlfriend why. Find friends you both enjoy being with when you want to socialize with other people. My husband and I have been married 37 years: he has his friends, I have my friends and we have friends we share.

@coffeenut

Well then, you simply need to avoid spending too much time with these girls, or, find a way to accept them as they are. End of story.

@coffeenut

Hmmm.. I happen to agree with who cares about the weather. It’s going to be what it’s going to be. lol
You know, maybe you do come across as a know it all.

Being open to others feedback is important.

I am not saying there are not differences, but, we should always look to ourselves first when faced with relationship issues.

A good sign of needing to do this is when you find fault with everyone else.

Just sayin’.

Sounds to me like you need to get a thicker skin and be more tolerant of others. Are there other issues at play with your friends friends? Jealousies perhaps?

I was thinking jealousy, as well.

So how do you suggest I “put up with them” ? 3 girls 1 guy

Avoiding them isn’t a option in this phase of the relationship…. I would be fine if they excluded me from their conversations and didn’t ask my opinion on things they don’t really want me to answer….or told me what answer they wanted… and later on I’m sure I can get out of being around them too much…

But as of now I am trying VERY hard to be tolerant of these people….and keeping my opinions to myself as much as I can…...

@Cruiser Jealous of what? She having stupid brain dead friends?

@coffeenut How do you know they’re brain dead? Do you know them personally? Experienced life being them? It’s easy to judge, people are usually different around others so they can fit in and that means talking about stuff that you might consider silly, I’m sure they’re not all stupid…

“She having stupid brain dead friends”? Are you stupid for not having written “Her having stupid brain-dead friends”? Probably not.

Not a good omen for your new relationship.

Lol It’s not all bad, they are really funny…One of her friends drove us to the restaurant last week, unfortunately the radio buttons kept working/not working on the way there ( about 6 times) It was really funny until we almost got in a accident because she was playing with the buttons….then I couldn’t control myself and had to tell her that the buttons for the heater/air conditioner/air circulation /defroster doesn’t control the radio…... and no it’s not a new car….not even new to her….

What sorts of things do you do with this group? Perhaps you need “activities” when you get together, like board games or going bowling or going dancing….

It’s hard to integrate into an existing group. Are you spending all your time going out with your girlfriend with this group, or do you hang out with other people or alone, too? If it’s all the time, you might explore why.

What you are going to have to decide eventually is, is your girlfriend exactly like her friends? If so, will you eventually also find her annoying and vacuous?

Or the classic driving game….whenever we stop at a red light we play the “find the guy near the intersection who is controlling the intersection lights….I thought it was really funny…..until I learned it wasn’t a game….

When I fist met my girlfriend her friends were with her….I thought she worked for some kind of facility for mentally challenged people and was taking them out for the day….. Boy was I surprised…

The really odd thing is my girlfriend just plays along with them, she is actually really smart when they are not arround….and her friends being brain dead doesn’t bother her.and I don’t think they know what she does

Have you told her the truth… that you don’t enjoy hanging out with this group? If she’s really not like them, she will understand. Does she not have other friends, or are these the only people that would take her in as part of their group?

You do have to wonder about this girls’s choice of people she hangs around with, don’t you?

How old are you all? Sophomoric behavior eventually passes.

@BarnacleBill Yes, but she likes them and lol they like me… And at this stage I should make a effect to like her stupid friends….I just don’t know how to deal with them….

@gailcalled They have been friends for a long time… I guess during that time she kept advancing but they hit a point and stopped…..other than that I don’t really want to know.

Here’s a mantra I live by.

Credited to Eckhart Tolle.

‘Speak up, change a situation or leave, the rest is insanity.’

If none of those approaches work, to remain and complain is insane!

@Coloma that really doesn’t apply here….All I need to do is be “nice” and they will get used to me and then I won’t need to deal with them as much… hopefully I’m trying to give it some time before I decide if it’s worth it or not… unless this is some sort of relationship game….then it will end

@coffeenut: Keep in mind that she has chosen to hang around with you also.

Do you hang out with your friends as well?

Introverted, ascerbic people often have a hard time socializing because they place a demand on others for social encounters to be meaningful. Most of the world doesn’t work that way. Socialization is usually wasting time in the company of other people. It’s a diversion and a release.

If your experience with group socialization has been limited, it is hard to adjust to the pattern of activity within a group. You cannot expect the same type of one-on-one interactions within a group as you would get doing things with people individually.

@BarnacleBill No, I can’t bring my friends to meet her friends….It wouldn’t end well, at best they will meet her whenever the next time we get together.

@gailcalled And I chose to hang out with her….not her friends.

I’m not saying merge the two groups. Alternate spending time with her friends, your friends. Even if that means that you have to initiate the “hanging out” opportunities with your friends. Don’t wait for someone else to control the social schedule, or you will have to take potluck.

Don’t hang around them if you find them that annoying. You don’t have to. Or at least minimise it, so you can build up your strength for the next round. You might end up saying something if you reach an ‘end of your rope’ moment, and you’ll regret it. Just minimise the exposure time.

(I speak from experience. My husband has a child with an ex and insists we spend birthdays and Christmas together. Some times it’s ok. Other times I really want to just crawl in a hole or punch her in the face.)

You do realize that you’re only in the position of hanging out with people because of your own failure to arrange a subsitute socialization opportunity? If you make other plans for you and your girlfriend, then you don’t have to hang out with the friends, you can do Y instead of X. That involves you being proactive. If you sit back and expect others to make social arrangements that you find acceptable, you will always be disappointed.

Just tell her you want her to feel like she has the freedom to spend time with her friends, and that you trust her etc – if you don’t feel like socializing with them. Just spin it so it also puts you in a good light! I would probably do something of that manner if I was in your situation.

You will scare your girlfriend off if you continue feeling this way , check yourself and figure out what makes you feel this way , could it be you wont have control , jealousy or do you fear them .
Go spend time with your own friends and let her spend time with her friends and then things will begin to come together .
Good Luck to you both

When my husband and I first started dating I had a bunch of not-so-smart friends too. They were remnants from my high school years when I was ostracized and, after 2 years with no friends, eventually started to hang out with them. Even my family questioned why I was friends with them. It took me a few years to understand that we were “friends” for a time and now I needed to find people who shared more common ground with me. But that was a decision I had to come to.

We naturally spent less and less time with them. My then-boyfriend (now husband) used to ask: “What do you see in them?” but that was as far as he pushed. We made most of our plans without them.

A business coach once gave me the following tip: start to sing a really corny melody in your head and enjoy the absurd situation – keep singing until the annoying person shuts up.