Why do people assume that because you live alone that means you must be lonely?

We’re conditioned to be extroverts. (As an introvert, I read this as “needy attention whores”, LOL)

That’s just the dominant paradigm. If you’re happy living alone, it’s all good, and that’s what matters.

Stop worrying about what other people think. If someone says something, say “Nope, I’m not lonely. I enjoy living on my own.”

I have been living alone, single, for the past 8 years after a divorce from a longterm marriage.
I LOVE living by myself!

Many people are afraid to be alone with themselves.

Usually this is about some deep insecurities and lack of a strong sense of self.

One has to be comfortable within themselves, have a sense of existing without constantly needing another to mirror them back to themselves.

Having independent interests and the ability to entertain oneself and cope with periods of boredom or lack of social outlets, and, most of all in-joying your SELF!

I am an extrovert by nature, but, cherish my space and alone time, I am very protective of my peace and solitude and would not date anyone that had not been happily single for at least several years between their relationships.

‘Needing’ is not a good thing at all, it’s neurotic and lends itself to a lot dysfunction.

Because they would be. Don’t pay any attention to them.

Notice all the people who don’t assume you’re sad and lonely. I’ll bet there are even some who say (or think), “I envy you. It must be nice to have the whole place to yourself.”

In other words, some think one thing and some think another. People are not all alike. Speaking of them as if they were is making the same mistake that some people make about you.

@peridot, I disagree with the generality. Some people are conditioned to be extroverts. Or maybe they just are by nature. Many of us are not, and many of us do not condition our children to be. The fact that extroverts are noisier and attract more attention does not necessarily mean that there are more of them.

@Coloma Uh-oh… I feel I have a little apologizing to do, having popped off a bit ago.

I don’t automatically lump all extroverts under that heading. It’s just that when I hear the word, I think of one ex-friend who was indeed a major attention whore. He even once yelled at me to “pay more attention to him”, which meant “Put everything you want to do on hold and be in my presence at all times”. That’s one reason he’s an ex-friend…

I was alone for 10 years..well, except I had my kids. What @Coloma said…many people don’t like themselves and don’t want to be alone with themselves. I like myself. I have the most interesting conversations with myself!

@Coloma

Why is needing to be around people any different than needing to be alone all the time?

Apparently some people can’t understand that you don’t spend all your time at your living space.

@peridot

No apologies required.
Being secure in yourself has nothing to do with personality/temprament.

@DominicX
It’s not.
I’m not talking about healthy needs for space vs. socializing, I am talking about emotionally unhealthy types that NEED constant attention/stimulation becuase they are neurotically fearful of being alone..

I live alone and I’m happier than I’ve ever been !

God I love living alone. Sometimes I think “I could move to California if I was willing to live with a roommate”, but then I think “Nah, I like living alone waaay more than nice, temperate weather and gorgeous historical architecture (which is A LOT)”. I also think many marriages would be much happier if they simply lived next door to each other or near each other rather than together

@papayalily

I concur! I don’t think I can live with someone any more, ever. haha
I always joke about 20 acres, two houses and a picnic table in the middle. :-)

@Coloma Put that in an urban setting and I’m there!

Not all people do this. I think it’s easier for some people to live by themselves so (and this is a different read on it) that they don’t have to deal with other people rather than because they’re lonely. It’s kind of irrelevant whether you live alone or not, it doesn’t mean you’re more capable at being with your own self, it might mean you’re incapable at facing another human in a deep way. Same can be said of those that live with others.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Or, you’re fully capable of facing another person in a deep way, but not so much in a shallow way (like if you clear all my stuff off of the counter but just move it to the table instead of actually putting it away one more time, I swear to God I’ll give you a swirly).

@papayalily Yeah, I’ve never lived with room mates for that reason. And thankfully the partner I live with now would heed before I had to give him a swirly.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir My big thing is… I’m messy. But I don’t want to put up with anyone else’s mess. Also, I love my pets, but I don’t want to deal with your pets. Basically, I only want you over here if you’re a guest.

Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. Well maybe the aunt, or cousin, or….well I dunno. Sounded a cool thing to say at the time okay.

Because they don’t value alone time missing the opportunity to learn good thinking.

@papayalily Oh man I hate that!!!! Used the last of the milk? Walk across the room, right past the trash can, and put the empty carton on the counter!!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!”

Some people are extroverts and honestly can’t comprehend what it’s like to enjoy being alone. Some of us are introverts and can barely comprehend what’s like to enjoy going to parties.

When I’m at work, I always get asked if I’m lonely because I’m there long after most people are gone. It annoys me too. What makes it annoying is the frequency of the question. Maybe some people do get it, and are just making conversation. But I think a lot of the
time, it reveals that the asker is assuming that others are like them.

You should check out The Introvert’s Corner blog.

@hobbitsubculture

True, to a degree, but…there are lots of us in-between types.
I am extroverted by nature but not to the 10th power. Maybe the 7th. ;-)
I love people, socializing, am very comfortable striking up conversations with strangers, assertive and confident in how I show up, but, as my profile says, I am half social butterfly and half hermit.

If I have several days of extreme busyiness and people I want equal time alone.

It’s all about balance and not going too far into the polarities for optimum mental/emotional health.

@Coloma Agreed, there are plenty of in-betweeners out there. I didn’t mention them because I figured they aren’t the ones who have difficulty understanding those of us at the extreme ends of the spectrum. My partner is like that; he came up right in the middle on the Myers-Briggs test. And sure enough, he can wander alone in the woods for hours, then go out to a party. That’s his balance.

As for me, I’m comfortable talking to people, though I won’t usually strike up a conversation. But a few days of social activities can leave me exhausted, even if I had fun. Equal alone time doesn’t cut it for me. I want time and a half, or even double time.